


Defending the keeper

by Goodvibes1018



Category: Krashlyn - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 09:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 64,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5200355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goodvibes1018/pseuds/Goodvibes1018
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Explore the beautiful, tangled mess that relationships can bring as two teammates and friends navigate through their relationship and life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

January 2005

The room seemed to spin as nurses and doctors hurried in and out of the room. A doctor ripped off Ali's shoes while another stuck a needle in the crook of her right arm. A machine buzzed to life as Ali's breathing began to accelerate even more. She tried to sit up in the hospital bed to see what was going on but was immediately pushed down by a nurse. The nurse had the brightest blue eyes she had ever seen and a gentleness about her. She could sense Ali was scared and was doing her best to keep her calm.   
"Don't try to sit up, sweetheart. That will only make it worse," she said as she patted Ali's arm.   
"What's happening to me?" Ali asked, noticing the panic starting to rise in her throat.   
The doctors ignored her as they talked medical lingo to each other. The pain in her chest tightened as she struggled for air. One of the nurses noticed her gasping for breath and called out for one of the doctors. A gray haired man with even grayer eyes placed his stethoscope on Ali's chest. He failed to disguise his alarmed look as he immediately looked over at the nurse. She came closer and he whispered something into her ear. She ran out of the room, not bothering closing the door behind her. Ali looked up at the doctor, pleading to him with her eyes to tell her what was going on.   
"Please, can you tell me what's going on? I'm never been this scared," Ali said as a knot started to form in the pit of her stomach.  
The doctor sighed as he exchanged glances with the other doctors. They all avoided looking at Ali while a tall man in a suit rushed into Ali's room. He shoved his handful of papers into another doctors arms and rolled his sleeves up as he ordered the nurses to call Ali's family members in. He wasted no time in telling Ali what she thought she would never hear in her entire life.   
"Ali, we think you have a pulmonary embolism, which is basically a blood clot that has traveled to your lungs. It's causing mini heart attacks and that's why you've been experiencing chest pains and extreme shortness of breath. We're going to try to do everything we can," he said as he reached out for her hand and squeezed it.   
Ali felt like she was underwater. She couldn't even begin to comprehend what this doctor had just told her. She knew something was wrong, but had no idea that her life was literally at stake. Afraid to ask the next question Ali looked up to the suited man and allowed the tears to spill from her eyes. They came out in tiny triangles that trickled down to her mouth and then her neck.   
"Am I going to die?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn meet each other for the first time at the 2010 training camp for the 2011 world cup tournament.

The sun was setting as Ali reached for her towel to wipe the sweat off her face. Her entire body was sore as she struggled to bend over. She had been training twice as hard for the World Cup that would be happening in just six short months. She slung the towel around her neck and gazed up at the sky. The Cancun sun that was excruciatingly hot earlier in the day now looked peaceful as it descended from the sky. The horizon was a beautiful shade of light pink and a faint orange. Ali grabbed her workout bag and started to head back into the training facility building. The hallway was dark as she dug her cell phone out of her bag to use the phone’s flashlight. She could see the locker room light on under the door as she entered the quiet room. She walked over to her cubby and set her gym bag inside while she pulled a hair tie from her wavy, auburn hair. She leaned forward and shook her hair out as she watched grass and dirt fall onto the floor. She peeled off her neon green shirt and threw it on the floor while her fellow teammate, Heather O’Reilly walked in from the showers.  
“Did you just get in?” Heather asked as she put a towel around her head.  
“Yeah, I wanted to get a few extra touches in, “Ali said as she replaced her dirty shirt with a clean white one.  
“Just don’t hurt yourself, okay?” Heather said as she began to get dressed.  
“I’ll be okay,” Ali replied.  
“So, I found out who you’re rooming with during camp,” Heather said as she glanced at Ali.  
“Who is it?” Ali asked with a disinterested tone. She could care less who she roomed with at camp. She could get along with anyone and most certainly wasn’t worried about making new friends at camp. Camp was her job. Building relationships with her teammates was at the bottom of her achievement pursuit list.  
“Her name is Ashlyn Harris. I played with her at UNC when we were in college. You better watch out. She’s the polar fucking opposite from you,” Heather chuckled as she laced up black running shoes.  
“So what does that mean?” Ali said as she pretended to seem indifferent although she was starting to become a little nervous about meeting this Ashlyn chick.  
“Well, I’ll first say that she’s an all or nothing girl. She’ll tell you exactly what she thinks without giving a shit about your opinion. She is the definition of a party animal, but the girl knows how to have a good time. She always knew how to party back in the day. She’s kind of a trouble maker and makes everything light hearted and fun. Oh, and she’s fierce as fuck. Like, she will put someone in their place so fucking quick if they deserve it,” Heather laughed as she hung her towel up on a rack outside the showers.  
Ali felt a rush of nervousness in her stomach upon hearing about Ashlyn. As much as those differences worried Ali, she was now worried at how she was portrayed by her teammates. “So in other words, she this badass partying chick and I am a boring loser who doesn’t know how to have fun,” Ali said in an irritated tone.  
Heather could tell she probably used the wrong choice of words to explain the situation to Ali. She walked over to her and patted her on the back. “I’m not saying that at all, Al. I’m just saying you two are very different. I mean you’re so responsible and driven and you know what you want. That can kind of conflict with someone that has no idea who she is. Just give her a chance, okay? She’s a really good person. She just takes some time to get used to,” Heather laughed again as she threw Ali’s dirty clothes in the hamper.  
“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Ali said as the knot in her stomach continued to grow. She reassured Heather with a smile and swung her bag over her shoulder. She turned the lights off in the locker room and followed Heather down the concrete hallway to where the Teams’ rooms were. “See you tomorrow,” Ali called out to Heather as Heather continued to walk down the hall.  
“Good luck,” Heather waved as she burst out laughing.  
As much as Ali loved Heather this was one of those moments where she wanted to punch her in the face. Ali fumbled into her bag for her key only to notice the door to her room was already unlocked. She pushed the door open to see a light was on in the bedroom. She tiptoed inside to see a tall, lanky, girl with bleached blonde hair sitting on the bed across from hers watching TV. The girl was dressed in baggy jeans with a hole in the left knee, a loose white tank top, and bright red Air Jordan sneakers. Her long wavy hair was spilling out from beneath a black snapback. Ali then noticed her tattoos. She had one across each shoulder, and a sleeve on her left arm. If the girl noticed Ali she wasn’t making it known. She continued to stare at the TV while Ali dumped her bag on her bed.  
“Um, hey,” Ali said awkwardly as she waved to the girl.  
The girl barely looked up as she muted the TV. “Did you say something?” She asked as she continued to avoid eye contact with Ali.  
“Yeah, I said hey,” Ali said trying to disguise the sudden irritation in her voice.  
“Oh,” the girl said as she unmuted the TV and began to laugh hysterically at the commercial on the screen.  
Ali couldn’t believe how rude this girl was. She seemed like she didn’t give a shit about anybody but herself. Not being able to stand it anymore, Ali marched over to the TV and punched the power button off. “Are you even going to introduce yourself or are you just going to be fucking rude and ignore me?” Ali yelled as she crossed her arms.  
Ali didn’t think the girl was expecting that as she raised her eyebrows and slowly rose to an upright position on the bed. She started snickering and shaking her head. “I’m Ashlyn Harris, and you’re Ali Krieger,” she said as she glared at Ali. “There, now we’re acquainted.” She flopped back down on the bed and began texting on her phone, acting as if Ali had never even entered the room.  
Not wanting to make a fool out of herself again, Ali crawled into her bed and pulled the covers over her head while she listened to Ashlyn laugh at the TV. It was going to be a long six months.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training Camp Continues

Ali awoke the next morning an hour before the team was even supposed to be on the field. She had been getting to practice earlier so she could get a few drills in before her teammates joined her. So far her extra dedication had been paying off. She looked over to see that Ashlyn was still sound asleep and smiled. She knew party animals didn’t make it very long in camp and it would only be a matter of time before Ashlyn got cut from the team and Ali would then have a new roommate.   
Ali sauntered to the bathroom running a comb through her hair and quickly brushed her teeth. She gathered her thick, dark hair into a bun and changed into her workout attire. She coated on some mascara to her already long eyelashes and swiped some lip gloss across her lips. Her philosophy was that if you looked good, you then felt good, which would then make you play good. She smacked her light pink lips in the mirror and went back out into the bedroom. As she went to grab her bag on the floor beside her bed she noticed the covers on Ashlyn’s bed were pulled back, revealing an empty bed. Ali walked over to the opposite side of Ashlyn’s bed wondering where in the hell Ashlyn was. The floor appeared to be empty as Ali scanned the room again. Ali called out Ashlyn’s name but heard no response. Figuring Ashlyn must have just gotten up early to have breakfast on her own instead of with the team; Ali walked out of the room and locked the door behind her. She had better things to worry about than where Ashlyn Harris had wandered off to.  
Ali arrived at the field and flipped the field lights on since the Mexico sun had not risen yet. The night stars still twinkled as Ali laced up her cleats. She threw a soccer ball out onto the pitch and began jogging to warm up. She was doing her warmup sprints when she noticed a figure on the opposite side of the pitch. Being too dark to tell who it might be, Ali jogged over to the end of the field. As she got closer she could see the light blonde hair flopping in the wind as the figure did wind sprints on the far side of the field. Wanting to turn around upon discovering it was Ashlyn, Ali stopped in her place to see if Ashlyn would say something first. Ashlyn continued to run even though it was apparent Ali was only within a few feet from her. Finally, she stopped and put her hands on her hips and cursed loudly. She grabbed her water bottle and sprayed her face, cooling off from the warm air.  
“You’re up early,” She finally said in a cheerful tone, one very different from the night before.  
Surprised by Ashlyn’s lack of attitude she displayed last night, Ali delayed in her response. She could see Ashlyn looking at her with an impatient expression. “Yeah, I guess I could say the same about you,” she said as she took a few steps closer to Ashlyn. The sun was now beginning to hang high in the sky and Ali could now see Ashlyn’s face up close. Ali was almost taken aback by how attractive she was. Her long, surfer blonde hair framed her face perfectly. Her jaw was chiseled and strong, and her cheekbones were high and prominent. Her hazelnut colored eyes were fierce but yet displayed a noticeable gentleness. She had one dimple in her left cheek and her skin was a beautiful golden brown. Ali would be lying if she didn’t say she was stunning. She also realized that her looks really contrasted with how she acted last night.  
“I always get up early before each practice,” Ashlyn said as she began to tape her fingers together for goalkeeping practice.   
“Really?” Ali asked as she let out a snicker.  
“You know, you can’t believe everything you’ve heard about me, Ali. I’m a lot different than I used to be,” Ashlyn said as she strapped on a glove to her right hand.  
Feeling embarrassed and shut down Ali had no idea how to even navigate any kind of territory with this woman. Heather was right. Ashlyn definitely knew when to put people in their place. “Look, I just meant that not a lot of people are dedicated enough to practice before practice,” Ali said. She really didn’t want to come off like a judgmental asshole, but she knew Ashlyn already had her figured out. This girl was blunt and wasn’t afraid to call it like it is.  
“No, I know what you meant. You took one look at me last night, believed everything that was said about me, and made your mind up about me before even meeting me. You probably figured I was some party girl that only cares about having fun and not taking life seriously, right?” Ashlyn asked in a very calm tone. As much as Ali hated to admit it, she was right. She had already made her impression of Ashlyn before even getting to know anything about her.  
Ali hung her head. “No, you’re right. And I’m sorry,” Ali said as she kicked some loose dirt around with the toe of her cleat.  
“I’m used to everybody judging me. Just know that I’m more than words. I’m human and I have a story too,” she said as she strapped on her other glove and wiped the sweat from her face. “Now, if you don’t mind could you please go down to the other side of the field so I can finish my work out?”   
Ali stood there in shock over the last ten seconds. This girl was more real than anyone she had ever met in her entire life. She was definitely stubborn and borderline hateful, but there was a sense of authenticity in her that Ali had never seen in anyone before. She wasn’t afraid to speak the truth and didn’t hide her feelings. Ali always struggled with both. Maybe Ashlyn was right. Maybe Heather was right. Maybe Ali had judged Ashlyn before she even gave her a chance. Maybe she should just take a risk and let Ashlyn explain herself.   
“Sure, no problem,” Ali said sincerely as she offered Ashlyn a faint smile.  
Ashlyn’s eyes twinkled with surprise at how Ali handled her outburst. Most people were turned off by her boldness and intimidated. Ali proved to feel neither one. Ashlyn smiled back, Ali noticing her cute, lopsided mouth when it curved.   
“Then let’s get to work, Kreiger.”


	4. Chapter 4

Ashlyn walked out of the locker room feeling accomplished after a great practice. She could tell her teammates were impressed with her and she knew all her hard work would eventually pay off. She turned the corner to the players’ rooms when she heard a voice call out to her. She turned around to see Ali running to catch up to her.  
“Hey, wait up!” Ali yelled as she slowed her pace.  
Ashlyn stopped walking and waited for Ali to catch up. She noticed Ali hadn’t even changed out of her practice clothes yet. Sweat was still dripping from her forehead and grass stains covered the front of her practice jersey. “Do you want to go and maybe get coffee somewhere?” Ali asked as she caught her breath.  
Ashlyn was startled by Ali’s request. She figured she pissed Ali off for good the other night and would never speak to her again, let alone request to go get a beverage together. “Sure, that sounds nice,” Ashlyn said as she forced a smile. She still didn’t know what Ali’s intentions were. While she wanted to trust everyone, her childhood had forced her to become very closed off to new people.  
“There’s this place right down the street that’s supposed to have really good stuff,” Ali said as she led the way out of the training facility’s front doors.   
The heat stifled them both as they walked out into the Mexican heat. It felt at least ten degrees hotter than it did at practice that morning. “So it’s hotter than shit out here and we’re going to go get coffee,” Ashlyn said as she let out a hearty laugh.  
Ali’s heart stammered to life upon hearing that laugh. It was unlike any laugh she had ever heard in her life. It was genuine, and full, and vibrant. Words she was also beginning to use to describe Ashlyn.  
“Okay, we can get cold coffee then,” Ali joked as they reached the coffee shop.  
“Whatever you say, Kriegs,” Ashlyn said as she kept stealing glances at Ali. She never took the time to let herself notice how beautiful she was until now. Her dark auburn hair frilled around her shoulders in perfect waves, her chestnut brown eyes seemed to sparkle at any given moment. Her nose crinkled when she laughed and the wrinkles around her eyes spoke of a kindness Ashlyn had never seen in someone before. Her smile was breathtaking as she smiled at the people roaming the streets.  
They walked into the coffee shop and found a table towards the back, away from all the commotion from outside. “What do you drink?” Ashlyn asked as she stood up from the table.  
“Oh, I can get it,” Ali said as she started to get up.  
“No, I’ll get it,” Ashlyn said as she placed a hand on Ali’s shoulder to make her sit back down. Ali felt like her shoulder was on fire after that touch by Ashlyn. Ashlyn felt a tingling sensation shoot through her hand as she let go of Ali’s shoulder.  
“I’ll have a double espresso,” Ali said as she locked eyes with Ashlyn.  
Ashlyn paused to gaze back before finally forcing herself to break eye contact and go order their coffees. As Ashlyn was ordering, Ali felt a strange feeling settling into the chambers of her stomach. She was starting to feel intrigued by Ashlyn, curious. But, she couldn’t figure out why. She had never been this interested in getting to know someone before. It was incredibly scary but thrilling at the same time. Ashlyn just seemed like she was different than from anybody Ali knew.  
Ashlyn stood in line to order the coffee and watched as a young boy laughed at whatever his father was saying to him at a table by the door. Watching this encounter made Ashlyn miss her own family, especially her father. However, her main thoughts at the moment were about Ali. She wondered what it was that was becoming so magnetic about her. They had only met just a few days before and Ashlyn already wanted to know everything about her. She didn’t want to admit that she couldn’t get enough of her, but she knew she had never been this fascinated with anyone before.  
Ashlyn payed for the coffees and walked slowly back to the table, being careful to not spill any coffee from the tiny, white, coffee cups. She put Ali’s cup down in front of her and pulled out a chair across from her. Ashlyn blew gently on her light brown cappuccino before taking a sip. She watched Ali do the same.  
“So, you played at UNC, right?” Ali asked as she stirred her espresso with a tiny silver spoon that was placed on the glass table.  
“Yep,” Ashlyn replied, not really wanting to talk about her college days.  
“How’d you like it?” Ali asked as she folded her hands together and laid them down on the table.  
Ashlyn shot her a half smile before she spoke. “So, I don’t want this to come off as rude or anything, but would you mind if we didn’t talk to each other like we’re interviewing each other? I just want to talk about real life stuff. Not the generic ‘what’d you major in, what club soccer teams did you play on, how many national championships have you won’, which is three actually,” Ashlyn said as she held up three fingers to Ali’s face.  
Ali’s face turned to utter shock again. In a way, she was happy that Ashlyn expressed to her what she didn’t care to talk about in conversations, but she was still getting used to her blunt honesty and the way she never apologized for her feelings. She was beginning to admire that about her so much. And in the midst of it all, Ali realized she didn’t really want to talk about those things either. She just did simply because those were the conversations she had with literally everyone else she was getting to know during her life. “Umm, okay, what do your tattoos mean?” Ali asked as she hoped this would be an acceptable response.  
Ashlyn raised her eyebrows and nodded her head towards Ali. Ali breathed a sigh of relief as she could tell Ashlyn was impressed by her answer. She pointed to her shoulders first which read ‘knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.’ “This one is pretty self-explanatory, but I feel like everyone, me included should be more open with people and listen with our hearts instead of speaking with our minds.”  
Ali sat in pure wonder as she looked at this amazing human being sitting before her. She was astounded by Ashlyn’s pure honesty and deep sense of looking at the world. Oblivious to Ali frozen by her words, Ashlyn continued explaining the rest of her tattoos. “My sleeve tells different parts of my story. Like this part on my upper arm is the story of Zeus and Athena which describes the relationship with my father. The work in the middle is for my grandmother who had breast cancer, and all of this on my forearm is a princess shattering the glass of a vanity mirror,” Ashlyn said as she lightly traced her fingers up and down her arm.  
Ali’s jaw dropped as she watched Ashlyn’s face light up at the explanation of her story that has been permanently inked on her body. Suddenly, Ali felt a little lame sitting next to Ashlyn. She had no tattoos, no visible story of her own that would be nearly as interesting.  
“I love tattoos. I plan to get a lot more. Like a lot more,” Ashlyn said as she took another sip of her coffee. “So what’s your story?” Ashlyn asked matter of fact.  
Ali couldn’t even speak she was still so mesmerized with Ashlyn. She didn’t even want to talk about herself at this point. She could sit and listen to Ashlyn all day long. She didn’t know what was going on, but there was definitely something brewing in her chest. Something hopeful. Something unlike anything she had ever felt in her entire life. “Where do I even begin?” Ali began for the very first time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to 2005 – Ali’s Medical Emergency

Ali felt like she was in a trance as she heard her mom and dad calling her name. She blinked furiously until she could see them clearly. They were both hovering above her bed, her mom brushing the hair out of her face, her dad clutching her hand firmly.  
“We’re here, baby,” her mom said as she kissed Ali’s forehead.  
“What do the doctors think caused this?” Ali asked as she still struggled to breathe normally. She could see that the nurses had put compression socks on her feet, limiting her ability to wiggle her toes around.  
Her mom, Debbie, exchanged a quick glance with her dad, Ken. Her dad finally sighed and traced the side of Ali’s face with his soft forefinger. “They think the surgery you had on your broken leg a few weeks ago caused this,” He began as he fought back tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes.  
“And they think you flying out for my wedding may have contributed also,” Debbie added. Ken nodded and allowed the tears to fall from his eyes, letting them land softly on Ali’s soft hand. “They said flying and sitting for a long period of time after a surgery can cause a blood clot.”  
“I knew something was wrong,” Ali started to say as her voice cracked. Debbie’s throat constricted as she listened to her daughter fight for her life. “I was so scared. I thought something was going to happen to me.”  
Debbie and Ken looked at each other again, this time for longer. They both hung their heads, neither of them wanting to confront this nightmare. Ali felt like a child all over again. Scared, alone, wanting the embrace of her parents to make all this pain go away. She worked up the courage to ask them what she most desperately wanted to know. “Mommy, daddy, am I going to die?” She asked as she grabbed both of their hands. Ken let out a sob as he pried Ali’s fingers loose from his hand and hurriedly left the room, loudly shutting the door behind him. Debbie put a hand over her face, not wanting to have to answer her daughter’s question.   
“I don’t know sweetheart, I wish I knew but I don’t,” she said as she laid her head down on her beautiful daughter’s chest. She could still hear her heartbeat, a sign of life. She wrapped her arms around Ali and held her while they both cried. She couldn’t lose her baby. She would do everything in her power to ensure she wouldn’t lose her.  
Ali tapped Debbie on the arm, making Debbie sit up in the bed across from Ali. “I want to see Kyle,” she said.  
“Honey, you know that’s not possible right now. I’m sorry, we want to see him too, but it’s just not going to work right now.”  
“Please just call him. Text him. Leave him a message. Anything. He’ll come, mom. I know he will. He needs to be saved too.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training Camp 2010 Continues

Ashlyn wiped the tears from her eyes as she listened to Ali talk about almost losing her life. They were sitting atop the roof of the training facility, the air warm and inviting. They each laid in their own sleeping bag listening to the cars honk at each other below, the drunken tourists roaming the streets.  
“So you were only 21 when that happened?” Ashlyn asked as she wiggled her feet out of the sleeping bag.  
“Yep. I thought that was the end of my life,” Ali said as she wiped the tears from her own eyes. Ashlyn noticed her crying and pulled herself out of her sleeping bag. She wrapped her arm around Ali and rested her chin on top of Ali’s head.  
“I can’t imagine what that must have been like,” Ashlyn said as she squeezed Ali’s arm.  
“Honestly, it put a lot into perspective for me,” Ali said.  
Ashlyn raised her eyebrow like she always did when she was interested in hearing something. “Like what?” She asked.  
Ali gazed out into the black sky before speaking. She felt the wind kiss her cheeks as she took a deep breath. “I felt like I finally discovered what my priorities were. I no longer wanted to care about petty things and people. I wanted to start spending my time more wisely with my family and my friends. And I also decided during that time that I want to succeed at football as much as I can. I want to win gold medals; I want to inspire young girls to follow their dreams. I want to be this amazing role model that so many people can look up to. I didn’t care about any of that before my incident,” Ali said as she shook her head.  
Ashlyn was in awe of Ali and her story. She noted the bravery in Ali’s voice while telling the story, the resilience to get better and become a better person despite what was happening to her. For the first time in a long time, Ashlyn was beginning to feel inspired. Just being in Ali’s presence was enough for Ashlyn to want to be a better person. “I think you are so wise,” Ashlyn said as she pulled away to look at Ali.  
Ali blushed as she let out a little laugh. Her heart swelled with excitement any time Ashlyn complimented her. “I’m grateful. I will never take life for granted again,” She said as she smoothed her hair back.  
Ashlyn stayed silent as she watched Ali beneath the moonlight. She looked absolutely breathtaking tonight, and Ashlyn was beginning to wonder if it was appropriate she felt like that. She had no idea how Ali felt about her. Hell, for all she knew she was probably straight and Ashlyn was just flirting with disaster. Sensing that Ashlyn was deep in thought, Ali broke the silence with what they both wanted to know. “Ashlyn, I don’t want this to come off as strange, but I feel like you understand me better than people I’ve known my entire life. And to think that I’ve only known you for just a few weeks kind of scares me. I’ve never felt so connected to someone before. I don’t know how I feel or what to do about it.”  
Ashlyn was starting to notice that Ali was speaking her mind so much, knowing she didn’t need to be afraid of saying anything in her presence. She too was feeling their connection and was also scared by it. She felt her feelings for Ali growing by the second and didn’t want to get hurt in the end. “I feel like maybe we’re just what each other needs for the time being. I feel like you were put in my life for a reason and I’m willing to find out what that reason is,” Ashlyn confessed.  
“I am too. I feel like I’ve known you my whole life,” Ali said as she let out a cute, little laugh.  
“Maybe you have. You just didn’t open your eyes to it until now.”

 

The two girls stumbled into their room just a little after 3 AM. Since they didn’t have practice the next day they allowed themselves to stay out later than they normally would. They both felt like time passed way too quick when they were together. Ali headed straight to the bathroom to remove her makeup and change her clothes. Ashlyn ran and dove onto her bed head first, being careful not to slide off the bed. She rolled over onto her back and looked up at the blank ceiling while she heard Ali in the bathroom. She felt like a complete maniac. She had only known this girl for a matter of weeks and already felt like she was the most important person in her life. She just couldn’t get enough of the way she felt when she was around Ali. She finally started to feel like she was alive for the first time in her life. Like she could do anything in the world. She kept thinking how abnormal it was for her to feel like this with someone she barely knew, but in the same respect, she felt like she actually did really know Ali. She knew even the things Ali hadn’t told her yet. She just felt this insane intuition whenever she was around her. Her heart burst at the sound of Ali cursing for dropping the hair dryer onto the floor. Her whole body vibrated with excitement as she heard Ali step out of the bathroom. She looked even more beautiful without any makeup on. Her soft facial features reminded Ashlyn of a home she always longed for, one which she wished she could burrow herself inside and always feel safe. Ali plopped down on her bed and twirled her hair around her finger while she watched Ashlyn browse through the TV channels. Ashlyn could tell Ali wanted to say something, but wasn’t for some reason.  
“What’s up?” Ashlyn asked as she surfed through the movie channels.  
“Oh, nothing,” Ali replied as she pretended to be engrossed with watching Ashlyn look up movie titles.  
“If you want to say something just say it,” Ashlyn stammered as she finally settled on watching European soccer.  
“I don’t want to say anything so quit asking me to,” Ali said with a firmer tone than she normally uses with Ashlyn.  
Ashlyn threw a pillow at Ali and started to laugh. “Why is it that we act exactly like an old married couple?”   
Ali laughed but then thought about Ashlyn’s choice of words. When she thought about it, they really did act like an old married couple. No, they acted exactly like a couple, period. Suddenly, Ali started to feel her heart race, but not in an exciting way. She could feel anxiety creeping up her neck and back as she started to think about her newfound relationship with Ashlyn. Was she developing romantic feelings for her? Was Ashlyn developing romantic feelings for her? If they kept this up what would their teammates think? Would they even suspect anything? What if their coach, Pia Sundhage, discovered anything between them? Would that jeopardize their soccer careers? Ashlyn could now tell Ali was extremely bothered by something.  
“Hey, Al, you okay?” She asked as she rolled over to face Ali.  
Ali forced a reassuring smile, but this time decided she was going to keep her distance. As much as she was growing to like Ashlyn, her career was still number one to her. She couldn’t dare to potentially lose that because of someone else, even Ashlyn. “I just think we fight like best friends. I’m happy that we’re good friends,” She said, hating herself for telling such a disgusting lie.  
Ashlyn didn’t hide her disappointment as her face fell. Her eyes suddenly lost their zest and she looked exhausted for the first time since camp started. Ashlyn forced a half smile and nodded her head, too hurt to speak. ‘This is what you get for letting someone in’ Ashlyn thought as she rolled under the covers and slid away from Ali’s view. She put a fist in her mouth to keep from screaming. She knew Ali was lying, but she also didn’t know why she was lying. And she didn’t know which hurt worse.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training Camp 2010 Continues

For the following weeks of camp, Ashlyn and Ali kept their distance. Even though they were still rooming together they both made sure to not be in the room at the same, except for when they had to go to sleep. Today’s practice was just finishing up and Ali spotted Ashlyn on the far side of the field training with Hope Solo, who was deemed as one of the world’s best goalkeepers. After working with Ashlyn for just a few short months, Hope kept telling everyone on the team that Ashlyn had the potential to become the next greatest goalkeeper. As much as Ali had wanted to congratulate Ashlyn on her achievement, she was still feeling confused about the kind of feelings she was having about her. She still cared for Ashlyn very much and wanted to keep spending time with her, but she was also scared about where that would lead. Ali rarely questioned her sexuality while growing up, and only had relationships with men. However, she never felt for the previous men she had dated what she was starting to feel with Ashlyn. She felt this deep, burning sensation in her lungs whenever she was around her. Like she couldn’t breathe but didn’t mind struggling for breath since Ashlyn was the one taking it away. She felt a sense of openness she had never felt with anyone in her entire life. As if she could share anything in the entire world with Ashlyn and she would protect it. She was becoming the first person Ali thought of while waking in the morning and while going to sleep at night. When she started to picture future events in her life like weddings, gold medals, championships, celebrations, and defeats, Ashlyn was the one she wanted standing next to her. Despite her intense feelings for Ashlyn, she felt as if maybe her feelings weren’t normal and didn’t want to risk her soccer career or other relationships by being an outcast. She didn’t want to have to admit to herself that there were still things she hadn’t discovered about herself.  
She noticed Ashlyn finishing up her workout with Hope and jogging towards the locker room. Ali took her time getting her bags so that way she could avoid having to face Ashlyn. Heather approached her with a strange look on her face.  
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Ali asked as her face turned a deep crimson.  
“What’s going on with you and Ash?” Heather asked as she crossed her arms with a smirk on her face.  
Ali’s heart started thumping violently in her chest. Heather knew. The whole team knew. They all discovered Ali’s big secret that she was still trying to discover herself. Deciding to not panic and keep her cool she zipped up her bag and slung it over her shoulder. “What do you mean?” She asked casually.  
Heather gasped as she put her arms in the air. “What do I mean? Ali, just a few days ago you and Ashlyn were inseparable. Even the rest of the team was starting to notice.”  
Ali’s heart raced even faster as a cold sweat started to break out on her face and neck. Her worst fear was coming true. “Yeah, so,” Ali said as her voice started to shake.  
Heather gave her a bewildered expression and let out an irritated laugh. “Are you kidding me, Ali? Here I was worried this whole time that you two weren’t going to get along and would make the whole team miserable with your disagreements, but you end up being really good friends and establishing a bond, and now you don’t even acknowledge each other.”  
“We’re just trying to focus on soccer,” Ali said as she started towards the locker room hoping Ashlyn was already gone.  
Heather put her hand on Ali’s chest to stop her from moving forward. She stood in front of Ali and put her hands on Ali’s shoulders. “Look, I know soccer is really important to you, but I saw something really special in the way you and Ashlyn act around each other. The whole team noticed too. Also, I’ve never seen Ashlyn act the way she acts around you ever before. I don’t want you to cut her out so you can focus on soccer. We’re all here to win and put the team first, but at the end of the day you really need your friends. The relationships you build are the only thing that lasts after the game is over. Ashlyn could really use you as a friend before a teammate. Keep that in mind,” she said as she let Ali start walking again.  
Not sure what Heather’s intentions were of saying all that, Ali was even more confused, but grateful to know that the team thought positively of whatever kind of relationship she had with Ashlyn. Deciding to confront Ashlyn and just tell her what was going through her head she decided to head to their room. On the walk there she kept running through what she was going to say, changing the sentences every time. She reached their room and pushed open the door. She rounded the corner to the bedroom to see that it was empty. She ventured back to the front of the room and saw that the bathroom was empty too. Feeling discouraged she decided to take a nap until Ashlyn returned.  
She sat on her bed and peeled her shoes and socks off and then swung her legs over to pull the covers up and over around her. She closed her eyes and immediately thought of Ashlyn as she heard the front door open. Loud footsteps crossed the room as she heard Ashlyn’s heavy boots clamor against the thin carpet. Ashlyn didn’t even look in Ali’s direction as she sprawled out on her own bed and pulled her boots and socks off. She threw her boots to the opposite end of the room and sighed as she fluffed the pillows on the bed. She glanced up to see Ali staring up at her, the look of regret on her face.  
“I’m sorry,” she said as she threw her covers off and sat up in her bed.  
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” Ashlyn said as she ran a hand through her tangled mess of hair.  
“I feel like I do though. I feel like I haven’t been completely honest and open with you like you have been with me.”  
Not being able to argue with Ali, Ashlyn let her continue.  
“It’s just that I’m feeling all of these really weird feelings. And I’ve never felt them before which is scary by itself. And I’m just really questioning myself as a person too because I know these just aren’t friend feelings, but that scares me to death because I’ve never in my entire life saw myself falling for a girl before,” Ali blurted out as her face immediately flushed. Saying those thoughts out loud was enough to make her feel like she was going to hurl.  
Ashlyn noticed her uneasiness and slowly walked over to her bed. She gently sat down on the end of the bed across from Ali. “It’s okay to be scared,” she said as she took one of Ali’s hands in her own.  
Ali thought about pulling away at first, but took note of how good Ashlyn’s hand felt in hers, like it was specially designed to fit hers and only hers.  
“I just don’t know how to make sense of my feelings. I’m scared of what other people might think, what my parents would think, how it could ruin my soccer career. It breaks my heart to have to say all this to you and I know that makes me sound super shallow, but this is all too much for me. I feel like I’m in a dream that I never want to wake up from, but I’m scared everyone else will see it as a nightmare they can’t wait for me to wake up from.”  
Ashlyn watched Ali talk and felt a rush send through her veins. She too had never felt like this with anyone else in her life, and was definitely scared. But when it came down to it, she never felt so excited to be this scared with someone before. She had a deep sense of knowing that no matter what happened in her life, as long as Ali was in her life she was going to be okay. She felt like she gained a living guardian angel. “Ali, I know this must be incredibly hard for you. It’s hard for me too. I definitely don’t want to ruin your career or cause any trouble for you, but I just can’t let you walk away. You’re pulling away so much and you don’t have to push me away. If you still want to, I think we should keep pursuing however it is we feel. I think what we have is special and I don’t ever want to lose it if we don’t have to.”  
Ali looked at Ashlyn, stunned. She knew she was right. This was yet another reason why she was just mesmerized with her. She had a gift of fighting for what she believed in, and defending and protecting her emotions and feelings. It made Ali want to wrap her arms around her and never let her go again.  
“I don’t want to ever lose you,” Ali said as she squeezed Ashlyn’s hands. Ashlyn felt her stomach do a somersault.  
“So where should we go from here?” Ashlyn asked as she fearlessly looked at Ali and down at their joined hands.  
“I don’t care where we go as long as we’re going there together,” She said as she smiled her famous smile.  
“You’re such a cheeseball,” Ashlyn laughed as she shook her head.  
Ali gave her a playful shove as she laughed back. God it felt good to have Ashlyn back. Everything felt right in her world again. She had no idea what her destination was going to be, but was incredibly looking forward to the journey.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training Camp 2010 Concludes

Training camp was beginning to conclude in two days and Ali and Ashlyn were dreading its closure. They were lying next to each in bed watching European soccer when Ashlyn clicked the TV off.  
“Why’d you do that?” Ali asked as she pointed towards the TV.  
Ignoring her question Ashlyn said, “Camp gets over in two days. What are we going to do?”  
Ali sat up in bed, putting her arms behind her head. She hadn’t really thought about camp ending in all honesty. She knew it was getting over in two days, but was hoping those two days would never come. She felt as if she had been living in a fantasy for the past couple of months. Now that Ashlyn was making her face reality, she didn’t know what she was going to do. “I hadn’t really thought about it,” she said.  
“I’ve got to go back to Florida at least for a while. Do you think you could fly out there and stay for a few weeks or something?” Ashlyn asked.  
Ali picked at the turquoise polish on her nail, realizing how many other obligations she had once she returned home to Washington D.C. “Ashlyn, I’d love to but I just have a lot I need to do before the cup starts,” she said.  
Looking disappointed, but not upset, Ashlyn patted her on the arm. “I understand. We’ll work something out,” She said as a sour feeling started to settle in her stomach. She could sense Ali pulling away whether it was intentional or not and was fearful that Ali might not be able to accept her feelings once she was back in normal life. “I just want to make sure we’ll see each other and still talk and stuff,” Ashlyn added.  
Ali smiled as she traced Ashlyn’s arm with her finger nail. “Nothing will change. We’ll see each other and talk as much as we can,” she said while hoping she sounded more convincing to Ashlyn. She was now starting to get weary as to how everything was going to pan out after camp was over.  
Ashlyn smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes like it normally did. She nodded and turned the TV back on, drowning out the uncertainty of what the future was going to bring.

Last Day of Camp

The last practice of camp was dwindling down to the last drills as players sprinted up and down the field. All of them were giving it everything they had because shortly after practice was over, coach was going to post the final team roster for the 2011 World Cup.  
Ashlyn was in goal, pushing herself to make every save that came her way. She wanted a spot so bad on the roster she could taste it. The ball was being pushed towards midfield as she began planting her feet for the counterattack. She watched the ball float from player to player until finally a player set her shot and fired one at top speed right towards Ashlyn. Ashlyn knew it was going to go over her head so she powered herself into a jump and raised her arms for the catch. She felt the ball slam against the hand of her left hand, pulling her wrist back as she heard a loud crack follow. The ball bounced off her shoulder and flew behind the net. Her scrimmage team burst into cheers as they ran to embrace Ashlyn. Ashlyn sank to her knees as she lowered her head, trying not to let the tears in her eyes fall. She never liked crying in front of anyone. She yelled out in pain as her teammates rushed towards her.  
“What happened, Ash?” Hope asked as she kneeled down beside her.  
“I think I broke my wrist,” she said as she tried to take a few deep breaths.  
Ali made her way inside the huddle that had formed around Ashlyn. She saw Ashlyn kneeling down on the ground, clutching her left hand. “You okay?” She asked as she hesitated whether or not to sit down beside her.  
“My wrist is broke,” Ashlyn said as she kept her head down.  
A few of the teammates cursed and broke away from the huddle. Hope rubbed her back as their coach, Pia came over. She kneeled down in front of Ashlyn and saw Ashlyn’s exposed hand from her glove. Her wrist was bent backwards, already bruised like a stormy sky. Ashlyn didn’t even have to tell her what had happened.  
“Go to the trainer’s office,” Pia ordered as she helped Ashlyn to her feet.  
Ali watched Ashlyn slowly make her to way to the trainer’s office, not sure what to do. Hoping none of her teammates were watching, she jogged over to Ashlyn, but was careful to not make any contact with her. “I’ll come with you,” she said.  
Ashlyn smiled as tears fell from her eyes. She was never good at hiding her emotions from Ali. They walked into the empty trainer’s office and Ashlyn sat on top of an examination table. The trainer walked in and took one look at Ashlyn’s hand. “It’s broken,” He said as he typed something into his laptop he set atop another table.  
“Wait, you didn’t even look at it. How do you know it’s broken and not just sprained?” Ashlyn asked as her face grew hot, not wanting to believe what she already knew was true.  
“Because sprained wrists don’t look like that,” He said as he pointed to her disfigured hand with his pen.  
Ashlyn tilted her head back and let it slam against the wall. Her spot on the roster was now in major jeopardy if her wrist was broken.  
“I’ve got to tell Pia,” the trainer said as he showed a little more compassion by placing a hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”  
He left the room leaving Ali and Ashlyn in the examination room by themselves, both not wanting to say what they both knew.  
“Well, there goes my spot,” Ashlyn said as she let out a breath she had been keeping in since they had gotten to the room.  
“Don’t say that. I’m sure it will be okay,” Ali said as uneasiness settled around her. As much as she tried to believe in her words, deep down she knew Ashlyn’s spot was at stake.  
“I can’t believe this. All of the training I did, all of the time I put into this. It was all for nothing,” Ashlyn said as she started to curl her hands into fists.  
“It wasn’t for nothing. You still have me,” Ali said as she walked over to tuck Ashlyn into her warm embrace.  
Suddenly, despite feeling disappointment and anger over what had happened, she felt a calmness settle over her as she felt Ali’s muscular, tan arms encase her. As long as she had Ali, she felt like she was always winning.

A few hours later

Pia had announced that the roster was now available and advised the players to go down to the team meeting room to check to see who had made it. The room was overflowing with young women as they all anxiously ran a finger down the white piece of paper to see if their name was printed below. Ashlyn and Ali waited for the rest of the players to leave before they ventured to the meeting room. Ali reached the room first and hugged Ashlyn before turning towards the piece of paper. Ashlyn stood behind Ali, her hands on her shoulder, and peered over her to see if her name would miraculously be on the list. She noticed Ali’s name at the very top and noticed her anxiety grow as she scanned the rest of the list. It wasn’t there. Her name wasn’t there. She could see Ali pretending to still look at the list, afraid to have to let Ashlyn know she didn’t see her name either.  
“You can stop looking. I know it’s not there,” She said as she took her hands off Ali’s shoulders and began to pace the room.  
Ali stayed quiet as she heard Ashlyn’s loud footsteps stomp across the room. “I don’t know what to say,” she said as she avoided having to look at Ashlyn.  
“You don’t have to say anything, Ali. It’s okay,” she said sincerely.  
Suddenly Pia walked into the room, followed by two assistant coaches. The two other coaches noticed Ashlyn and immediately walked out of the room. Pia approached Ashlyn slowly, feeling guilty for having to cut her from the team.  
“Ashlyn, I’m so sorry, but I had to do it. You know I can’t take any currently injured players so that way I have room for the healthy ones,” she said as she hoped Ashlyn would understand.  
“I’m sorry too, but I do understand,” Ashlyn said as she reached out to shake Pia’s hand. “I want what’s best for the team.”  
Pia grasped Ashlyn’s hand and gave it a firm shake. “Keep growing your game and I will make sure you get back here and become a world champion.”  
“Thank you for everything,” Ashlyn said genuinely as she watched Pia exit the room.  
Ali couldn’t help but smile at the way Ashlyn handled the entire situation. She was constantly amazed by her resilience and ability to overcome tough circumstances. She inspired Ali to possess the same kind of integrity.  
“Well, I better go pack,” Ashlyn said as she started for the door. While the rest of the team would be flying to the next training facility in preparation for the World Cup, Ashlyn would be getting on a plane to Satellite Beach, Florida, a place she sometimes called home.  
Ali pulled Ashlyn’s shoulder back to keep her from getting out of the room. “Nothing’s going to change between us. Just because we won’t be spending cup together doesn’t mean you won’t be here with me every day,” she said.  
Ashlyn leaned in and wrapped her arms around Ali’s tiny waist. She felt dizzy as she breathed in her shampoo. She still had Ali and that was all that mattered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn returns home for the first time since being away at training camp.

Ashlyn stepped off the plane to be greeted by her older brother, Chris. She spotted him standing outside the airport smoking a cigarette, glancing down at his phone. His shaggy, light brown hair was flopping in the wind. She quickened her pace to the sidewalk outside and jumped on his back, covering his eyes with her hands. She could feel the rough stubble on his face as her hands lightly grazed his cheeks.   
“Jesus,” he yelled as he started spinning around. “You’ve gotten heavier than I remember.”  
She punched him in the shoulder and jumped down from his back. He turned around to hug her and she noticed the dark circles under his eyes, but yet excitement in them upon seeing her. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as hard as she could. She had missed him so much.  
“I’m glad you’re back, baby sister,” he said as he picked up her bag and started for the parking lot.  
“I’m happy to be back,” she said half-heartedly. She was happy to see her brother, but was growing anxious about seeing the rest of her family.  
They reached the parking lot and Chris opened the passenger side door of his beat up, neon green Honda Civic for Ashlyn. She climbed in and brushed the cigarette butts off of her seat. The car smelled like coffee and cigarettes, a smell she grew to love since it was her brother’s infamous scent. Chris climbed in and fumbled with the radio dial while he drove out onto the highway. Ashlyn rolled the window down and stuck her head out, breathing in the warm, salty air.  
“So there’s a party going on at Shooters tonight,” Chris said as he stopped at a red light. “It’s kind of a welcome home thing for you that some of your friends put on. I thought we could go together later,” he said as he started to accelerate again for the green light.  
Ashlyn didn’t say anything as she stared out the window. A few months ago she probably wouldn’t have even hesitated, but Ashlyn felt that she had changed since leaving camp, and since meeting Ali. She didn’t want to be known as the wild, party girl that everyone in her hometown knew her as. She wanted to be known as a good person that worked hard to accomplish her dreams. She didn’t want to ruin all the progress she had made.  
Chris noticed her silence and sounded irritated as he spoke. “I mean if you don’t want to that’s fine, I just thought it’d be fun since I haven’t seen you in over three months.”  
Ashlyn turned to face him and rolled her eyes. “Stop being a baby. This has nothing to do with you. Of course I want to see you, Chris. I couldn’t wait to get home so I could spend time with you. I just don’t know if I want to go out is all.”  
He nodded, pretending to try to understand.  
“Let’s just get home and we can figure something out later,” she said as she hung her arm out the window, feeling the wind pulling her in a different direction.  
“Speaking of home, there’s something you should know first,” Chris began as he glanced over at Ashlyn, a nervous look on his face.  
“What’s that?” Ashlyn asked as she hoped it wasn’t what she thought it was.  
“Well, maybe I’ll just let you see for yourself,” Chris said as he looked back to the road. He now felt guilty for getting Ashlyn worked up before she was even home.

Ashlyn’s anxiety grew as the drive to their house got shorter and shorter. Finally, they rounded the corner to their subdivision and Chris pulled into the driveway. He quickly got out and got Ashlyn’s bag for her. “I’ll go ahead and go inside,” he announced as he hurriedly headed for the back door.  
Confused, Ashlyn took her time getting out of the car and stretched. It was still warm for evening time and Ashlyn started to feel a sense of calmness spread over her as she took in the sight of her neighborhood. Little one story houses lined the palm tree streets. Ashlyn’s neighborhood was a lower class one where most of the adults worked in factories or blue collar jobs. Many were on food stamps and only owned one car per each family. As little as she had growing up, she was still proud to call this her home. She walked towards the back door, excited to see her mom and dad. She walked in the back porch and could smell freshly picked flowers sitting in a vase by the kitchen door. She walked inside her house and was taken aback by the sight of the kitchen. Dirty pots and pans lined the stove as dishes overflowed the sink. A half empty gallon of milk still sat on the kitchen table, surely spoiled by now. Dirty laundry littered the living room as she walked towards the hallway where the bedrooms were. Empty liquor bottles splayed on the floor. Chris rounded the corner, almost knocking her over.  
“What the fuck is this?” Ashlyn asked as she pointed to the mess around her.  
“This is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” He started as he bent down to pick up some of the bottles.  
“So talk to me,” Ashlyn demanded.  
Chris threw the bottles in the garbage and gathered the laundry up in his arms. “Ashlyn, it’s happening again,” he said as he walked down the hallway to the laundry room.  
Ashlyn followed him, her body beginning to grow hot with anger. “Where’s dad?” She asked.  
“I don’t know,” he said as he dumped the clothes into the washer and poured some soap in.  
“What do you mean you don’t know? Chris, why does the house look like this? Haven’t you been staying here?” She asked as she blocked the doorway so he couldn’t escape her questions.  
“Actually, no I haven’t. I’ve been staying with some friends, and if you were home to know what’s going on you wouldn’t want to stay here either,” he said as animosity started to grow in his voice.  
He plowed through her to get out of the room, not realizing how strong she was now. “Oh, that’s a cheap fucking shot and you know it, Chris. I’d be here if I could. You know that,” she shouted.  
Chris’s face grew red as he saw the fire in Ashlyn’s eye. She was never afraid to put him in his place when needed and he always ended up feeling bad when he treated her like shit. After all, she was all he had left anymore. “Ash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I just meant things have gotten bad again and this isn’t something I just wanted to talk about on the phone.”  
She slowly let her walls down as she saw the apologies in her brother’s light brown eyes. She knew things hadn’t been easy for him lately, especially with her being gone so much. “Where is she?” She asked.  
“In her room,” He replied as he continued to clean up the living room.  
Ashlyn took a deep breath and walked down the hallway to her mother’s bedroom. She stopped for a brief moment to look at the photographs that lined the hallway. She and Chris’s school pictures over the years hung in old, brass frames, and her athletic pictures were still in their original frames from the athletic clubs she used to play in while growing up. She admired her smile in all of the pictures, before she knew of the evil in the world. She stopped before her mother’s room and placed an ear on the door. She heard nothing but the TV chattering in the distance so she turned the handle to let herself in. The strong stench of alcohol burned her nose as she made her way into the room. She saw her mother passed out in the bed, still clutching a bottle of vodka in one hand, the TV remote in the other. Her short blonde hair was beginning to turn gray, and she had lost nearly twenty pounds since last time Ashlyn had seen her. Her nightgown was slipping off of her frail shoulders. Ashlyn let out a sigh as she pried the remote from her mother’s cold fingers. She switched the TV off and bent down to kiss her mother on the forehead. Her skin was still soft, and smelled like vanilla and booze. She quietly lied down on the bed next to her still mother and put her arms around her middle. She nestled her head in the crook of her mother’s neck and listened to her shallow breathing.  
“I’m home, mom. I’m home,” Ashlyn said as she squeezed tighter.

It was starting to get dark outside when Ashlyn opened her eyes to the setting sun in the far distance. She must have fallen asleep she noted as she looked over to see her mother still sleeping, but had moved positions. Ashlyn gently got up from the bed and let herself out of the room, careful to not to step on any of the empty liquor bottles piled up beside the bed. She ventured out into the hallway and saw Chris watching TV in the living room, a beer bottle in his hand. He heard Ashlyn and turned around to meet her eyes.  
“How is she?” He asked.  
“About the same,” she replied casually as she went into the kitchen to look for her cell phone. “Hey, have you seen my phone anywhere?” She asked.  
“Yeah, it’s on the table. Also, a girl named Ali called for you. I answered it if that’s okay and told her you’d call her back. She sounded pretty cute,” Chris said as he took a swig from his bottle.  
“Shut up,” Ashlyn said playfully as she shook her head at him. Chris always liked to hit on Ashlyn’s friends. He would always beg her to hang out whenever she had her friends over.  
She grabbed her cell phone and went outside to sit on the porch swing in their tiny backyard. She found Ali’s number and tapped on her phone to connect the call. It rang a few times before the most beautiful voice answered on the other end. Ashlyn couldn’t even speak when she heard Ali on the other end, as if she was talking to her for the first time.  
“Hello?” Ali asked again as Ashlyn struggled to let the words out of her mouth.  
“Hey!” Ashlyn said as she cleared her throat. “Sorry, I must’ve had bad reception for a second,” she said as she hoped Ali would be convinced by her explanation for the delay in her response.  
“Oh, no worries. How’s it going back home?” She asked. It sounded unusually quiet in the background. Ashlyn figured Ali was back in her room, away from the rest of the team.  
“It’s going alright,” Ashlyn said, afraid of telling Ali the real truth.  
“That’s good to hear. Are you going to do anything fun tonight?” She asked.  
“Um, I’m not sure. There’s this party going on at the local bar here in town. I thought about going,” Ashlyn said casually, suddenly worrying about herself and what the night would bring.  
“That sounds like fun. Just be careful, okay?” Ali said, trusting that Ashlyn was mature enough to handle herself. She always encouraged Ashlyn to have fun and let loose, but not be an idiot about it.  
“I will,” Ashlyn said as her voice trailed off.  
Ali paused, “Hey are you okay? You sound off.”  
“Yeah, I just miss you and am a little overwhelmed being home. That’s all. I’ll be fine,” she said as she started to hear the crickets chirping in the background.  
“I miss you too. So much. It’s so weird without you here. But, I want to see you as soon as I can.”  
“Same here, Al. Same here. Look, I’ve got to go, but I’ll call you later, okay?”  
“Yeah, I’d like that. Call me anytime, Ash. I’ll be here.”  
“Bye Ali,” Ashlyn said as she punched the button to end the call.  
She wanted to have a more fulfilling conversation with Ali than that, but right now it was too hard to. She had so much on her mind and knowing she couldn’t be going home to Ali just made talking to her through a phone even worse. She slid her phone into her pocket and noticed a muddy soccer ball resting up against the rotten, wooden fence in her backyard. She got up and picked up the ball, careful not to get any dirt on her clothes. She drop-kicked the ball against the fence and let it bounce back to her. This time she kicked it a little harder, watching as the dirt flew off of it. The next time she kicked it harder and harder until the wooden fence started to creak with the blunt force. Chris heard the commotion outside and watched through the window as his sister took out everything she was feeling on this now battered soccer ball. Finally, Ashlyn kicked the ball so hard it went soaring through a piece of the decaying wood and clear into the yard next door. Ashlyn sank to her knees as sweat ran down her dirty face. Chris came outside and stood by the door, not knowing if he should comfort his sister or just let her get up on her own. She saw his shadow in the moonlit yard and stood up quickly, brushing the dirt out of her eyes.  
“What time is that party?” She asked as she walked past him inside.  
Chris smiled as he chugged the rest of his beer. “Now that sounds more like my sister,” he said as he grabbed another beer from the fridge. He grabbed one for Ashlyn and pretended to toss it to her.  
“Throw me two,” she said as she emptied her cell phone from her pocket and put it on the kitchen table.

Music was blaring from the bar as Ashlyn and Chris pulled up. A few people were standing outside smoking or waiting for cabs. Chris let Ashlyn out so he could go park the car. She walked across the street, hearing the loud bass pump through her veins. She was greeted by a middle aged man at the door, dressed in all black. “Ashlyn Harris,” he said as he stood up from his chair.  
“Hi, Gary,” Ashlyn said as she pulled him into a hug. She had known Gary ever since she was a child. He was the unofficial bouncer at all the bars in town and everyone respected him.  
“I was sorry to hear about you not making the Cup roster, but man I’m glad to see you. You look great,” he said as he innocently planted a kiss on her cheek.  
“I’m happy to be home,” Ashlyn lied as she smiled and made her way inside.   
The bar was darker than it normally was with the only light coming from the neon lights that settled in the windows. She could see people in the distance playing pool, a few people dancing, and several people huddled around the bar doing shots. She walked up to the bar and was greeted by several of her childhood friends, many of whom had never left Satellite Beach in their entire lives. Her best friend from childhood, Jessica was ordering shots and immediately flung her arms around Ashlyn.  
“My girl is back!” She yelled as she shoved a shot glass at Ashlyn.  
Chris walked in and she motioned for him to join them at the bar. She handed him a glass and she raised her glass to clink glasses with the rest of the group sitting at the bar. “I toast this to Ashlyn Harris, the kickass soccer player from right here in Satellite Beach who is now here to stay and party!” She yelled as she gulped her drink back.  
Chris knocked his drink back and immediately started to order another round. Ashlyn half-smiled and winced as she drank her shot, feeling the harsh burn at the back of her throat. She was starting to feel uncomfortable around all of the people in the bar. She had nothing against any of them, but she felt like she was starting to grow out of the party scene. She had gotten so used to being around hard-working and driven people that this was just a huge change for her. She thought about asking Chris if they could go until she remembered what she would be going home to. Suddenly, Ashlyn felt a sinking sensation, as if the sails on her boat were being shot down, descending her ship into the dark ocean. She had no home to return to, no family besides her drunken brother and mother, and no team to turn to. She felt incredibly empty, like someone had punched her in the gut. All of a sudden, the alcohol swimming in her system didn’t burn like it did at first. It ran through the passages of her body like an electrical current, making her feel alive in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. Suddenly, she didn’t hurt as much. The loneliness didn’t seem to creep up her throat like a poison. She felt like she finally belonged somewhere. Not wanting the feeling to fizzle out, Ashlyn started gulping drink after drink, hoping to extinguish the flames in her heart for good.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Ashlyn's drunken night and Ali's reaction.

The sun was warm on her face when Ashlyn awoke the next day. She winced through the sun blinding her eyes, and could make out the shape of her room. A dark blue overwhelmed her vision as she noticed the paint and posters of athletes, and celebrities plastered the walls. She still had her bulletin board above her bed that had newspaper clippings of her in the local paper. Old jerseys and workout clothes still hung in the closets, containing much more than just dust.  
She sat up and stretched, noticing how stiff she was. She was still wearing her clothes from last night, the heavy scent of alcohol still on her breath. She also felt her head pound as her stomach churned. She stood up and immediately ran to the bathroom. She barely made it to the toilet when she puked. Her whole body was paralyzed as she vomited everything she had been trying to digest: anger, loneliness, guilt, shame. She heard footsteps in the hallway as Chris appeared in the doorway.   
“Are you okay?” He asked as he scratched the back of his head. He was just wearing his boxer shorts and a t-shirt but Ashlyn could tell he was just as hungover as she was.  
“I think so,” Ashlyn said before vomiting once last time. She wiped her mouth with a towel by the sink and sat up against the white bathtub, her head feeling like it was going to explode. “What the fuck happened last night?” She asked.  
Chris laughed as he recalled everything that happened from the night before. “Man, you were wasted, Ash. I’ve never seen you that drunk. You had so much fun. You were dancing on top of the bar, and doing shots with everybody. I like the fun Ashlyn.”  
“Yeah, well I’m definitely not the fun Ashlyn right now. You shouldn’t have let me drink that much,” She scolded Chris.  
“What are you talking about? You’ve never listened to me before. Ashlyn, you’re a big girl now. I’m not going to step in and stop you from anything. If you didn’t want to drink that much, you wouldn’t have done it,” he said as he folded his arms and stood up straight instead of leaning against the door frame. He was clearly pissed and wanted Ashlyn to take responsibility for her own actions.   
“Whatever, Chris. What time is it?” She asked as she looked instantly down at her wrist to notice her watch was missing.  
“Almost 2 in the afternoon,” Chris laughed.  
“What?” Ashlyn said as she scrambled to her feet. “Shit, I forgot to call Ali back last night,” She said as she scampered to the kitchen.  
“Oh yeah, she actually called like four times this morning,” Chris replied.  
“What’d she say?” Ashlyn asked, feeling uneasy for accidently blowing her off.  
“Oh, I didn’t answer it,” Chris said as he opened the refrigerator.  
“Are you kidding me? Why didn’t you at least come get me so I could have called her back?” She said, raising her voice with each word.  
“Because I was sleeping,” he replied as he pulled out some lunch meat and bread.  
“Dammit, Chris,” Ashlyn yelled as she grabbed her phone and went back to her bedroom. She slammed the door, not even caring if she woke her mother and dialed Ali’s number. Her worry began to grow with each ring. Finally, Ali answered sounding just as worried as Ashlyn, but for different reasons.  
“Ash, are you okay?” She asked in a concerned tone.  
The tenderness in her voice made Ashlyn’s bones hurt as she so desperately wanted to reach right through the phone and wrap Ali in her arms.  
“Yeah, I’m alright,” Ashlyn said as she let out a sigh.  
“I was really worried when you didn’t call me back. You normally call right back,” Ali said.  
“I’m sorry, Ali. I just got sidetracked last night,” Ashlyn replied.  
Ali laughed on the other end, “doing what?”  
“I just went out with some friends is all? Remember I told you that?”   
“Yes, I remember, I just didn’t think you’d stay out all night like you did. I just thought you were past all that,” Ali said as the tone in her voice changed.  
“I didn’t stay out all night!” Ashlyn said, getting defensive with no weapons to protect her.  
Ali laughed again, this time in an annoyed way. “Ashlyn, you’re just now calling me and it’s 2 in the afternoon. I’m not stupid. I know you well enough to know that you went out last night, got shit faced so you wouldn’t have to reveal the real you to anyone, and you didn’t come home until late this morning which prompted you to sleep up until just about ten minutes ago when you suddenly realized you forgot to call me back.”  
Ashlyn was silenced by Ali’s words. She had no explanation for herself. Ali had called her bluff. She always did. “I don’t know what to say,” was all she could manage to get out.  
“Look, I’m not mad at you, Ashlyn. I wanted you to have a good time last night and see your friends and family. I don’t even care so much that you never called me back. I know you didn’t do it on purpose. I am mad however that you do not want to show everyone who you are now. You always feel the need to hide yourself.”  
“Oh, look who’s talking,” Ashlyn fired back, her face growing hot with anger.  
Ali was silent on the other end. For a minute Ashlyn thought she had maybe hung up the phone. She held the phone closer to her ear to hear Ali faintly breathing on the other end still.  
“Ali,” Ashlyn said quietly.  
“I’m still here,” Ali said.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I’m sorry too, Ash. I’m just a little worried about you. You just seemed so distant on the phone yesterday and then when you didn’t call me back I got really worried that something happened. I just want to know what’s going on,” Ali pleaded.  
As much as Ashlyn wanted to reveal to Ali her true home-life, and how her childhood was, she was still not ready to even confront herself with that.   
“I’m sorry, Ali, but I just can’t talk about it right now. I have so much going through my mind. It’s really hard being back here,” Ashlyn admitted.  
“I understand,” Ali said as she calmed her voice.  
Suddenly, Ashlyn felt a growing red of anger spiral throughout her body as she replayed the last few months. All of a sudden, she wanted to thrash about like a tornado, wrecking everything in her path. She felt like she was at ground zero all over again. She flashbacked through nights of carrying her mother to bed, liquor bottles hidden in the garage and upstairs attic, the tiring practices where all she wanted to do was lie in the grass afterwards, the arguments, the way her heart dropped to the floor when she didn’t see her name on the World Cup Roster, her years of sacrifice and dedication all crumbling before her.  
“Actually you don’t, Ali. You have no fucking idea what I’m going through. And you know why you have no idea what I’m going through? Because you’re off on your little World Cup tour with all your little friends, living the dream, signing autographs, and traveling to a new city every week. You want to know what I’m doing, Ali? You want to know how pathetic my life is now? I have nothing, I’ve lost everything.”  
Ali tried to hold back tears as she felt Ashlyn stab her repeatedly with each sentence. She felt guilty for enjoying her success, and that Ashlyn was making her feel guilty. “You still have me,” Ali said as she hoped Ashlyn wouldn’t push her away like she did with everyone else.  
“I don’t though, Ali. We’re just on two very different playing fields right now, literally. I feel like maybe our lives are just heading in different paths.”  
“What do you mean?” Ali said as tears crept up her throat.  
“Maybe we should just do our own thing for a while,” Ashlyn suggested, her heart breaking at her own words. She didn’t want to lose Ali, but felt like she didn’t really have Ali in the first place anymore. She was a nobody compared to Ali and didn’t want her deadbeat image to tarnish hers.  
“You don’t mean that,” Ali said, tears rolling down her cheeks.  
“It’s really for the best. I just can’t do this,” Ashlyn said, exhausted.  
“Ashlyn, please don’t do this. Don’t sit here and feel sorry for yourself like you’re used to doing. You’ve come so far, don’t ruin it now.”  
“Just leave me alone,” Ashlyn said, already wishing she could take back those words and bury them deep inside herself.  
Ali set the phone down as she wiped her face with her sleeves. She took a few deep breaths and placed the phone back up to her ear. “If this is what you want, then I’ll leave you alone. I don’t chase people, Ashlyn, especially people that have no intention of being found in the first place. So, I will give you what you want, or at least what you say you want. But just know that if you need me, I’m here.”  
Ashlyn was blown away by Ali’s demeanor. She was so used to everyone else babying her and pleading with her to come back when things got rough. Ali was different though. She saw in Ashlyn what most people failed to see. Ali saw potential, a whole new level of it. She wasn’t going to play games with Ashlyn, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let Ashlyn play the pity card and feel sorry for herself. If Ashlyn wanted to go through her hard times on her own then Ali respected that, but didn’t want to be a part of Ashlyn’s pity party.  
“I’m always here too,” Ashlyn said, not wanting to close the door completely.  
“Good luck with everything, Ash. You’re a fighter, never forget that. You’re better than this. Take care,” Ali said as she pretended to hang up the phone.  
She heard Ashlyn on the other end, the line going static. She heard a mumbled sentence as the static grew louder. She tried to decipher each word but couldn’t hear over the buzzing of the phone line. Ready to hang up the phone, she heard a muffled whisper on the other end.   
“I need you Ali,” Ashlyn said as she hung up the phone, leaving Ali hanging onto those last words as she tried to engrave the memory of the girl she used to know in her heart.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quarterfinal game against Brazil in the 2011 World Cup

The World Cup had started and Ashlyn was doing everything in her power to avoid it at all costs. She couldn’t even go to the liquor store without seeing USA Women’s soccer jerseys and young girls with their faces painted red, white, and blue. Instead of getting into the soccer spirit like she normally would have, Ashlyn spent most of her days getting drunk at the beach or in one of the several bars in town. It was the closest thing to existing she had found so far.  
She browsed the aisles of the bright liquor store, careful not to bump into any of the bottles with her cart. She decided to have people over tonight at her house to get drunk and keep her mind off of the quarterfinal game tonight against Brazil.  
She placed a few bottles of alcohol in her cart along with a few bottles of soda and proceeded to the checkout line. While putting her items up on the counter, she noticed a young girl in front of her in line with her mother wearing an Ali Krieger jersey. Ashlyn’s heart felt like a pinball machine as so many feelings ricocheted about her chest. Just seeing Ali’s name made Ashlyn’s heart feel like butter. She hastily paid for her items and drove home, trying to burn the image of Ali’s name from her mind.

Several of Ashlyn’s friends filtered into the tiny living room as Ashlyn mixed drinks in the kitchen. Chris played around with the stereo, playing it as loud as it would go. The house felt like it was pulsing as Ashlyn made her way around the room, handing people drinks. She promised herself to not think about the game and to just have fun and relax tonight. She set up a long wooden table for beer pong outside and absentmindedly thought about how Ali was feeling for tonight’s game. Brazil was a tough opponent, and Ali had expressed her concern for them while they were still in camp. Ashlyn finalized the table and called for people to come outside and play with her. She finished another drink as she hoped to drown out her thoughts. She made herself laugh and pretend to be interested in what the people next to her were saying, but no matter how hard she tried not to, she kept thinking of Ali. She would give anything to be on the field next to her, watch her perform like a dancer at their own private play. Ashlyn was on her third game of beer pong when a guy rushed outside.  
“You guys got to come in here and watch this game. It’s fucking epic,” he said as he raced back inside.  
The rest of the people outside went inside with no hesitation. They were all mesmerized by the team that Ashlyn wanted to be a part of so badly. Deciding against watching the game, Ashlyn went back inside, but went down the hall to her room instead. She decided she would just go to bed in order to not have to be forced to watch the game. She dug through her dresser for some clean clothes only to see that she didn’t have any. She hadn’t done laundry for weeks. Not wanting to go back out to the party to get to the laundry room, she decided to look in her workout bags for something she could wear. She rummaged through three bags until she pulled out a black t-shirt. Without thinking she stripped her tank top off and slipped on the t-shirt. She crossed the room to her bed only to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. ‘Krieger 11’ filled the mirror as Ashlyn ran her fingers over the smooth lettering on the front of the shirt. Ali had given her this shirt to take home with her for when she missed her. Ashlyn had forgotten all about it. She stood in front of the mirror and admired how good Ali’s name looked on her. Although, Ashlyn felt like she didn’t deserve to even wear it due to how she’d been acting lately. Suddenly, feeling hopeful and incredibly proud of the girl who wore number eleven, Ashlyn decided to support the team she wanted to so badly be on one day. She heard cheering and hands slapping hands as she walked back out into the living room. Everyone patted her on the back as she came in, moving aside so she could see the TV. Ashlyn stopped in her tracks at what she was seeing on the screen across from her. A beautiful Ali Krieger was stepping up to the penalty kick line. With the game on the line, she had a chance to win it all with the perfect shot. Ashlyn froze as she pictured herself on the sidelines of that game, pouring every ounce of courage and strength she had left into her defender.

 

The cheers of the crowd were almost deafening as Ali stepped out of the huddle to walk out onto the penalty kick line. She could hear her teammates calling her name as they linked arms in hopes that this last kick would advance them to the semifinals. Ali knew everything was on the line, the game, her reputation, the dreams of her teammates, the expectations of her coaches. But, she felt a strange sense of peace as she walked out onto the field. The lights winked at her as she wiped the sweat from her head using the bottom of her jersey. Most people would have been a nervous wreck, but Ali felt confident, strong. She took a moment to take in the crowd before her, people of all ages decked out in red, white, and blue, the American flag wrapped around their shoulders. Young girls jumped up and down in the stands, wearing the jersey of their favorite player. Cameras flashed, and ribbons were thrown into the air. Ali almost felt as if she was in a dream. She could smell the fresh grass as she reached the penalty line, a walk that seemed to last a lifetime. She noticed the goalkeeper trying to psych her out by pacing in front of the goal. Ali looked back at her teammates, all of them smiling back at her giving her the thumbs up. She looked over at her coaches who clapped and cheered for her. She looked up into the crowd to see all eyes on her, waiting for what her next move was. Of all the people she could see in the stadium, Ali wanted nothing more but to look back and see Ashlyn standing off to the sideline cheering her on with her stupid grin. But, Ali knew Ashlyn. She knew Ashlyn would be watching tonight. She knew that this was her chance to light Ashlyn’s fire again, to inspire her to want more, to be more. Everything that was about to happen in the next five seconds would be for Ashlyn.  
Ali took a few steps back and got her footing. She dug her right foot into the dirt and took a deep breath. “This is for you, Ash,” she said as she exhaled. She launched forward, letting herself break free like an animal from a cage. She took three giant strides before kicking the ball with her right foot, watching the ball soar into the air. She watched in slow motion as specks of dirt went flying around her face. She watched every person in the stadium tilt their heads up to follow the path of the ball. Ali clenched her fists as she watched the ball make its descent across the field. It was heading left, and the goalie was all the way over to the right corner of the goal. The goalie leaped across the goal, barely touching the ball as it glided through her gloves, soaring through the net with a beautiful swish. Ali was frozen as she realized what had just happened. She felt herself being lifted off her feet as her team rushed the field, hoisting her on their shoulders. She pumped her fist in the air as she looked up into the night sky. The stars seemed to dazzle a little more as she imagined herself rushing the field to Ashlyn and jumping into her arms. The world was starting to seem a little brighter back in Satellite Beach, Florida. Ashlyn sank to her knees as she watched Ali’s goal glide through the back of the net. She couldn’t find the words to express how proud of Ali she was.  
“Hey, wasn’t that your friend that scored that PK?” Chris asked.  
“The girl that scored that unbelievable goal tonight is the most beautiful human I’ve ever met in my entire life,” Ashlyn said as she saw that Chris had already walked away. “Thank you, Ali,” Ashlyn said as she realized that in that moment Ali had saved way more than just a game.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash makes a change, and she and her mother confront each other

Still on cloud nine from the game the other night, Ashlyn was starting to feel herself transform. She was still hanging out with her friends, partying, and drinking, but wanted to put all of that behind her. She was so inspired by watching Ali step up to that chalked line, completely fearless, and win the game for her team and country. It made Ashlyn want to decide what her next step in her life was going to be. However, she had a drinking game to finish as her and her friends sat around the coffee table in the living room, playing cards scattered about.  
Her friend Jessica set her hand of cards down on the table, revealing she had won the game. “Man, I don’t think life could get any better than this. I want to keep doing this even we’re old and have kids and shit,” she said as she took a long swig from her beer bottle.  
Their other friends agreed, all setting their cards down. Ashlyn pretended to smile and agree as she observed her childhood friends sitting around the table. Many of them had never left Satellite Beach, nor had the intention to. They all worked dead end jobs just so they could fund their partying habits. They were all good people, and had been good friends to Ashlyn at one time, but she was feeling a distance growing between them. She didn’t want this to be her life. She wanted more. She wanted to get out of her small town for good and do well for herself. Even if she never played soccer again, she wanted to be remembered as way more than just a successful athlete. Suddenly, she felt the need to be alone, hoping her friends would take the hint to leave as she got up and started cleaning up the empty beer cans and trash. Her friends continued to sit and talk while she worked around them. Feeling fed up with their lazy attitudes and poor work ethic in everything they did except partying, Ashlyn walked to the front door and opened it. “Thanks for coming guys, but you probably should go now,” she said as she pointed towards the street.  
They all looked at each other and burst out laughing, figuring Ashlyn was just joking with them like she was notorious for doing.  
“I fucking love you,” Jessica said as she got up to get another beer from the refrigerator.  
“Don’t get another beer, Jessica. You need to leave,” Ashlyn said, this time using more firmness in her voice.  
Her friends all looked at each other again, but this time confused. They slowly got up, looking to each other for clues on how to handle this. “I probably won’t be able to hang out for a while but thanks for supporting me and being the kind of friends I needed at the time. I mean that,” Ashlyn said, hoping they would understand her sincerity. She felt like a huge jerk, but she knew if she didn’t cut herself off from negativity now she probably never would.  
“What the fuck is your problem, Ash?” Jessica said as she made no efforts to move from the kitchen.  
“I’m sorry, you guys, but I just can’t do this anymore,” Ashlyn said, pleading with them all to try to understand.  
They all gave her dirty looks as they finally passed her and walked out of the house and out of her life. For the first time in months Ashlyn was starting to feel free again.  
Ashlyn finished cleaning up and took the trash out to the street. She came back inside and admired how nice the house looked when it was actually clean and tidy. She started down the hallway when she heard a voice call out to her. Ashlyn stopped in the hallway and heard that it was her mother calling her into her bedroom. Ashlyn opened the door to her mother’s room and saw her mother perched on the edge of her bed, putting her socks and shoes on.  
“Did you say my name?” Ashlyn asked, feeling confused that her mother would go out of her way to talk to her.  
“Sit down,” She said, ignoring Ashlyn’s question.  
“Why?” Ashlyn asked as she watched her mother struggle with tying her shoelaces because her hands were shaking so much.  
“Don’t argue with me, sit down,” She ordered as the shoe strings kept falling from her fumbling hands.  
Ashlyn got down on the floor and started helping her mother tie the laces, silently repeating the steps to herself that her mother had taught her as a child. She got them tied and looked up at her mom. She had been watching her the whole time, noticing how her daughter now looked like a woman, and not the young girl she usually saw. She took in the faint wrinkles around her daughter’s eyes, the lines around her mouth. She saw so much of herself in her young daughter. She met Ashlyn’s hazel eyes, the same color as hers and didn’t break the contact until Ashlyn was noticeably uncomfortable.  
“I want you to stop drinking,” she said as she watched Ashlyn pick at a loose string in the carpet.  
Ashlyn shot her head up and tilted it as she took in her mother’s words. “You want me to what?” She said as her hands curled up into a tight ball.  
“You heard me,” Her mother said as she watched Ashlyn clench and unclench her fists.  
Ashlyn quickly stood up from the floor and started slowly pacing the room. She stopped pacing and moved towards her mom, her voice laced with anger. “You haven’t been here for me at all, but now the biggest town drunk is telling ME to stop drinking!” Ashlyn said as she stomped towards the door.  
“Ashlyn Michelle Harris, you get your ass back here right now,” Her mother said tightly as she watched Ashlyn stop in her tracks.  
Ashlyn felt a chill go up her spine as she heard the intensity in her mother’s voice for the first time in a long time. She turned around to face her mother, afraid her mother didn’t like what she was seeing.  
“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. I want you to stop drinking. I don’t want you to end up like me. So, stop it!” She yelled as she smacked the wall behind her bed. Tears were stinging her eyes as she realized all of the ways she was failing her two children. “Stop it.”  
Ashlyn felt a ball in her throat as she saw the rawness in her mother. Ashlyn always admired the fact that she did get her strength and fierceness from her. She felt tears rolling down her face, not even realizing she was crying. She took three big steps across the room and pulled her mother into her. She buried her face in her neck, breathing in the scent she had longed for ever since she could remember. “I’m sorry, mom. I will. I love you so much,” she said as she wished she could stay like this forever.  
Her mom patted her dark blonde hair, rubbed her back with her other hand. “I love you too, baby. I’m so sorry.”  
They held each other and cried, trying to squeeze the broken pieces of each other back together.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The result of the 2011 World Cup Final

Ali felt like she was in a dream as she sat in the locker room before the 2011 World Cup Final. Team USA had just beaten France in the semi-final and they could all taste a world championship on their tongues. Ali gazed at everyone’s jersey in the room, smiling when thinking of each teammate that would be playing alongside her today. She felt her breath catch in her chest when she realized there was just one more person she wished more than anything that could be wearing the stars and stripes today.  
Her team started to filter in as the crowd in the stadium started to vibrate, coming to life around them. The team got dressed and all sat down on the floor together, linking hands. They felt like family as they all looked at each other and silently said I love you.  
“Let’s tear this thing up,” Abby Wambach yelled as the team erupted in cheers and hoots. They all lined up to run out onto the field, adrenaline coursing through their veins. Ali could feel the stadium buzzing with energy as her heart thumped to the band playing right above their exit. She slowly moved forward in the line until she was blinded by camera flashes, and the lights of the stadium. She put a hand over her eyes to shield the light out as she watched reporters shove microphones in her face, young girls scream her name, camera crews all angling their cameras solely on her.   
She exploded with vigor as she raced down the field. Seeing her teammates in their white jerseys with the USA crest on their chest gave her feelings she would never be able to put into words. This was her family, and Ali couldn’t help but feel a pang in her heart as she knew her most favorite member wasn’t here.

 

“So how do you know what direction to go on a penalty kick?” Ashlyn’s mother asked as they sat down on the couch to watch the World Cup final, a bowl of popcorn between them.  
“You just kind of guess to be honest,” Ashlyn said as she shoveled in a few pieces of popcorn.  
Her mother took a handful but looked at Ashlyn confused. “No way…really?” She said in disbelief.  
“I’m dead serious, you just have to guess, and hope to God your guess is right,” Ashlyn said with a chuckle.  
Ashlyn felt like she was on top of the world as she talked soccer with her mother as they watched the game. It was nice to have her back. She just hoped she was here to stay.  
Ashlyn was glued to the TV once she saw team USA run out onto the field. She subconsciously looked for Ali’s jersey as she watched the sea of white take over the field. The hairs on her arms stood up as she listened to the National Anthem play, closing her eyes as she pictured herself standing shoulder to shoulder with her teammates, her hand over her heart. The camera zoomed in on Ali, while the sports announcers gave the audience some background information on America’s beloved defender. Ashlyn wished she could reach right through the television screen, and collapse into Ali’s arms. She forgot how much it hurt just to see her, even from afar. Kickoff was underway as Ashlyn and her mother cheered for the team Ashlyn was supposed to be on. Ashlyn smiled as she recalled camp and the memories she made with the women playing before her. She didn’t even realize she had tears streaming down her face until she felt her mother’s hand on her cheek, gently wiping them away. Ashlyn didn’t take her eyes off the TV, not wanting to show her mother how much this hurt her.  
“I wish it was you I could be watching tonight, Ashlyn. I am so sorry about everything, and I’m not just talking about soccer. I feel so sad you never got your wish,” She said as she reached out to hold Ashlyn’s hand.  
Ashlyn wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. While she would have given anything to be out on the field with her teammates, there was no place she’d rather be than in her house with her mother. “But, I did get my wish,” Ashlyn said as she patted her mother’s frail arm. “This is everything I could want.”

The whistle blew for half-time and the USA was losing to Japan 2-0. Ali kicked her water bottle across the locker room as she untucked her jersey from her shorts and screamed. Abby put her hands on her hips and slowly started pacing the room, not making eye contact with anyone. Heather sat up against her locker, quietly banging her head against the metal door. The rest of the players sat in silence as their coach, Pia walked in. She pulled a chair into the middle of the room and sat down, resting her elbows on her knees as she scanned the room.  
“What the hell is going on?” She asked calmly.  
Nobody said a word as the team could still hear the chants of the crowd in the stadium.  
“Look, this is our game. This should be nothing to us. We’re not scoring, we’re not playing defense. What are we even doing out there?” She said as she leaned back in her seat.  
The team stayed quiet as they let the cheers fill the locker room. Ali’s mind wandered to Ashlyn and what she was doing right now. She didn’t want to let her down, but something didn’t feel right. She didn’t have the confidence she normally had during games. She felt tired, but not in a physical way. She was mentally and emotionally drained and had nothing left to give.  
Abby finally stopped pacing and took a deep breath. “Alright,” she began. “Let’s take a deep breath, relax, get our heads back in the game, and then when that final whistle blows we’ll storm the field with our trophy in hand. We’re fine, ladies. We’ve got this. Let’s go do it.” She extended her hand out to the middle of the room, encouraging each player to join the huddle. One by one, the players slowly joined the huddle, piling their hands on top of one another. Even though this usually put Ali back in the game and helped calm her nerves, she had never felt more uneasy in a game in her life. For once in her life, she needed somebody defending her.  
Ashlyn’s pulse began to race as she watched the team take the field after half-time. They were losing by two goals and Ashlyn noticed that Ali definitely wasn’t playing her best game. The team looked dead as they jogged up and down the field, missing every scoring opportunity they created. Ashlyn felt as if they looked intimidated or overwhelmed by the crowd. She wished she could be standing on the sidelines, encouraging them, reassuring them that this was their game to win.   
Ashlyn watched the clock wind down as Alex Morgan finally scored a goal to make it 2-1. She grew even more nervous with each tick of the clock, hoping a miracle would happen for her team. Abby Wambach was passed the ball and she thundered down the field, knowing chances for her team were quickly running out. She passed the ball back to Carli Lloyd who dribbled around two defenders. Carli saw Abby positioning herself near the goal line, and Carli sent a cross in, holding her breath as she watched it connect with Abby’s head. Abby felt the smack of the ball bounce off her head as she watched it nick the corner of the net. Her last minute goal tied the game, sending each team to the penalty kick line for a shootout. The team knocked Abby to the ground as they piled on top of her. Ashlyn jumped up from the couch, the bowl of popcorn flying across the room. Her and her mother screamed while they leaped up and down as they watched the team celebrate before them. 

Ali stood off to the sidelines with the rest of her team to cheer on the players who were going to take the penalty kicks. USA was granted the first kick, and Carli stepped to the line. Carli was one of the best shooters in the world, and Ali crossed her fingers as she hoped her title would ring true tonight. Carli stepped up to the line, a sick feeling in her stomach. She watched Japan’s goalkeeper glare at her as she positioned herself. The ref blew the whistle and Carli felt her legs take off from under her. She aimed high, hoping to place the ball where the keeper wouldn’t be able to reach it. She felt the ball make contact with her cleat as she watched it soar across the field. Carli, along with the rest of the team held their breath as they saw the ball sail right over the metal cross bar. Carli watched the ball float into the stands, the keeper cheer as she hung her head and walked back to her teammates.   
Ali tried not to panic as Hope Solo walked down to the goal, a Japan player following her to the penalty kick line. Hope strapped her gloves on and paced in front of the goal, hoping to psych out the Japan player, like she did with the Brazil players during the quarterfinal match. The Japan player looked back at her teammates, and signaled to Hope she was ready. The whistle blew and the short, black haired woman exploded from the line. She kicked the ball so hard and so fast that Ali barely saw it slice through the net, in the opposite direction from Hope. Hope smacked the near post as she avoided looking back at her teammates. The cycle continued as the U.S. missed the next three shots, diminishing their hopes of a world championship with each miss. Japan had made two goals, needing only one more to grant them victory. The final Japanese player stepped to the line, clapping her hands as she got everyone in the stadium to stand. Ali felt a cold rush come over as she watched over 60,000 people on their feet, anxiously awaiting the result of the kick.

Ashlyn stayed on her feet as she pulled Ali’s black t-shirt she was wearing in honor of her over her mouth. Her mother clasped her hands together and tucked her head into her lap. The player launched forward, sending the ball high. Ashlyn trailed it as she bit her lower lip.  
The crowd was silent as the ball spiraled in the air. Hope saw the ball heading high and squatted down so she could get more air on her jump. She inhaled deeply as she extended her arms over her head, reaching as high as she could. She felt the ball make contact with her glove as she was pulled backwards. She was losing her footing as she flailed one arm to keep from falling. She felt her arm muscles burn as she struggled to grasp the ball with her glove. She felt the ball escape from her glove and gently roll into the back of the net. Her heart sank as she watched the Japanese players rush the field to congratulate their fellow teammate. She turned her back to her teammates, gripping onto the net in the back of the goal. She had saved nothing tonight.

Ali collapsed to her knees as she watched the Japan players wave their countries flag around the stadium. She felt like a complete failure. All of the early morning practices, the excruciating workouts, and the time away from her family to chase this dream had been for nothing. She had never felt so empty. She beat her fists into the turf as she watched through blurry eyes some of her teammates embrace each other. She saw Pia walking out onto the far side of the field to console Hope. Family and friends were now beginning to join the field, comforting their fallen heroes. Ali scanned the stands for her parents and her brother, Kyle but couldn’t find them through the mass of people. She tried to stand but her legs felt like lead as she tried to push herself up from the hard turf. Instead, she put her head down on the ground, and sobbed like she had never cried before. Some of her teammates and Pia tried to help her to her feet, but she insisted on staying in this positon until the hurt was filtered out of her. Suddenly, she realized it wasn’t just the game she was crying for. It was Ashlyn. She cried for Ashlyn’s injury, the moments they shared in the same room for almost five months, the indescribable way she felt in her presence, a feeling she hadn’t managed to feel with anyone else no matter how hard she tried. Yes, losing a world championship hurt like hell, but not having Ash by her side through defeat hurt even worse.

Ashlyn sat in shock as she watched the Japanese players hoist the gold trophy up on the podium. She was hoping it was all a dream and she’d wake up tomorrow to news headlines about how the USA were the 2011 World Cup Champions. She felt her mother touch her forearm as Ashlyn searched for Ali on the field.  
“Ash, honey, I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how hard everything has been for you,” she said as she fought back her own tears.   
Ashlyn forced a smile as she turned her head back to the TV. Sensing Ashlyn wanted to be alone; her mother sauntered off to the kitchen. Ashlyn watched the Japan team accept their individual medals when she noticed a USA player hunched into a ball on the field. Ashlyn squinted to try to make out the number on the jersey as the cameras focused in on the player. Ashlyn’s throat swelled when she saw that it was Ali lying on the ground, making no effort to get up. She saw the pained look on her face as the cameras zoomed in at every angle, showing the world the purest form of loss. Ali’s body looked weak and defenseless as her shoulders shuddered. Ashlyn walked up to the TV and placed her hand on the screen, feeling the electricity run through her hands. She wished her whole body could transport itself past the screen so she could pull Ali from the ground, protect her from this defeat. She knew Ali needed saving and this would be the most important save of Ashlyn’s life.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash contacts Ali after watching the result of the World Cup Final.

The field was now empty as only the clean-up crew remained in the stadium. Ali walked the length of the field as confetti and streamers raveled around her cleats. She felt like she was in a different life as she remembered the intensity of the stadium just hours before. She felt numb, like her heart had dropped to the bottom of her stomach and stayed there. She recounted every moment leading up to this. As much she hoped it wasn’t all for nothing, she couldn’t convince herself otherwise as she watched the men in blue clean-up suits tear down the poster of the USA team.   
It was now over midnight and she pictured the Japan team at their victory party, celebrating with friends and family over their triumph. Ali figured most her team was at the bar down the street, drowning out the sorrows of defeat. She got to the end of the field and stopped to look high into the sky. The moon winked down at her as she breathed in the cold air. She wondered if this was the same sky Ashlyn was looking at too, and if it left her empty like it did Ali. Glancing around one more time at the stadium where her dream was supposed to come true, Ali balled her fists up and punched herself on each side of her head. This could have been her last chance, and Ali was really beginning to hate endings.

Ashlyn made sure her mom and Chris were asleep before she quietly opened her bedroom window and pulled herself through it. Her feet thumped on the ground as she smiled at herself. Even though she didn’t have to sneak out anymore, it still gave her a rush remembering the days of her adolescence. The grass was wet as she sat down in the front yard, throwing her sweatshirt down beneath her. She gazed up at the night sky, imagining where Ali was right now. Ash ached knowing she wasn’t there with her. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and scrolled down to Ali’s number in her contact list. Ashlyn already had her number memorized, but she preferred to look at those three beautiful letters instead. Ashlyn clicked the call button, but quickly flipped her phone shut before it even started ringing. As much as she wanted to hear Ali’s voice and be there for her, she was scared. She was scared of being vulnerable again. She knew Ali was definitely scared of being vulnerable again. She took a deep breath, the warm air circling around her. She opened the phone one more time and called Ali, this time letting it ring. With each ring, Ashlyn’s heart hammered harder and harder.  
“Ashlyn!” A familiar voice answered on the other end.  
“Heather? How are you doing?” Ashlyn asked as she smiled thinking about one of her best friends.  
“We’re okay, as okay as we can be. It just hasn’t really sunk in yet, you know?” Heather said.  
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Ashlyn agreed, recalling those same feelings, but for different reasons.  
“How are you?” Heather asked as she switched the tone of her voice.  
“I’m okay, as okay as I can be. You know,” Ashlyn said as she laughed.   
Heather laughed as she remembered how much she had missed Ashlyn lately. “Ali’s just about out of the shower. How are you guys doing?” She asked as she cupped her hand around her phone.  
“Honestly, I have no idea. Everything has been so complicated. But, I watched the game tonight and I just couldn’t stand seeing her like that,” Ashlyn explained.  
Heather reflected back to two hours ago when the final whistle of the game blew, watching Ali fall to her knees as if someone had shot her. The look of pure anguish on her face. “I know it was the worst. It was almost a good thing you got hurt when you did, huh?” Heather said as she began to cry.  
Ashlyn let Heather’s words sink in as she pondered a moment. She actually didn’t know what was worse, making it to the end of your wish but it not being a happy ending, or never getting your wish at all, but spared heartache. “I’m so sorry, Heather. I have no idea what you all are going through but just know you all are here with me every day, especially tonight,” she said.  
“We know that, Ash. We miss you so much. We tried to bring it home for you,” Heather said as she cleared her throat. “It was so good talking to you tonight. Ali’s out now, but I’ll talk to you soon. I love you, Ash,” Heather said as she handed the phone to Ali.  
Ashlyn felt chills go down her spine as she heard Ali breath on the other end. “Ash?” She said as she sat down on the hotel bed.  
“Ali,” Ashlyn replied, closing her eyes as she put her hand over her heart.   
Ali felt herself getting dizzy as she heard Ashlyn’s voice on the other end of the phone. She began to cry as she put her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the pain she was feeling. Her cries came in large, blubbering sobs as she struggled to catch her breath.  
Ashlyn felt like her heart was being crushed into a million pieces hearing Ali’s pain. She had felt immense pain before, but nothing like this. She realized the worst feeling in the world couldn’t possibly be losing a World Cup Final, but hearing your person fall to pieces before you, leaving you no chance to even help her pick the pieces back up. “Ali, I wish I knew what to say. I just wish things could have been different,” Ashlyn said as she began to cry.  
Ali held the phone away from her as she watched Heather exit the room. Tears still clumping on her face, she jammed a fist into her mouth and bit down as hard as she could. She could feel her teeth sinking into her skin as she forced herself to stop crying. She returned to the phone and wiped the tears away from her eyes. “I lost the most important game of my life tonight. The thing I’ve been working for my entire life was stripped from me right before my eyes. It hurts; it hurts really fucking bad, Ash. But nothing hurt worse than looking over to the sidelines after the final whistle and seeing that the dream I didn’t realize I’ve always wanted the most wasn’t there.”  
Ashlyn’s heart fluttered as she heard Ali speak. This was as open as Ali had ever been with her feelings for Ashlyn. “Ali,” Ashlyn began as she struggled for words.  
“I don’t want to lose anymore, Ash. I can stand to lose a World Championship, but I can’t stand the thought of ever losing you. At the end of the day, I don’t care if I’m winning or losing, as long as I’m with you,” Ali said as she felt her heart making its way back up to her chest, beating with new life.


	15. Chapter 15

A week after the World Cup Final, Ashlyn hopped onto a plane to visit Ali in Virginia. They had talked on the phone every day since the final, and Ashlyn could feel the gap between them getting smaller with each day. It felt so good to have Ali back in her life again, but a part of her was still wary about the future. The relationship that was blossoming between them was unlike anything the other had experienced. It was so random and out of the ordinary that they were still trying to figure out how to navigate the unknown waters. Ali was staying with her dad for a few weeks until she would go visit her mom in Miami. Her dad was out of town for a few days and she decided that would be the perfect opportunity for Ashlyn to come visit. Ali barely even mentioned Ashlyn to her dad, afraid of what his presumptions would be if he saw them together.  
Ali kept peeking through the curtains in the dining room window as she anxiously waited for Ashlyn’s cab to pull up. She couldn’t wait to see her, but was feeling nervous about being alone in the house with her for several days. Ali kept trying to find her reflection in the window to make sure her makeup hadn’t smeared, and her hair looked good. She wanted to look good for Ashlyn, but immediately felt self-conscious about why she wanted to look good for Ashlyn. She felt uncomfortable as she recalled purposely putting on the tightest black jeans she owned, and a see through white t-shirt. Contemplating on running upstairs to change, she heard a car pull up to the curb in front of her house. An elderly man got out of the driver’s seat and walked to back of the car. Ali watched the back door open and Ashlyn step outside. She looked incredible as she held her arms above her head to stretch. She was wearing dark jeans with a gold chain that hung just below the right pocket of her pants. Her long black t-shirt’s sleeves were rolled up, showing off Ashlyn’s upper arm muscles. A black snapback rested on her loose, curly hair. Ali noticed how tan she was, her skin matching the color of her eyes.   
The elderly man pulled Ashlyn’s suitcases from the trunk of the car and Ashlyn slipped him some money for the cab fare. She shook his hand and wheeled her suitcase up the driveway, taking in the big, two story house. Ali ran down the hallway to the mirror that was hung up on the wall. She tucked a few loose strands of hair behind her ears and ran to the door. She heard the doorbell ring as she watched Ashlyn through the peephole. She saw Ashlyn take a few deep breaths as she adjusted her hat.   
Ali gathered her shirt in a bunch and opened the door, coming face to face with Ashlyn Harris. Ashlyn smiled as wide as she could as she pulled Ali into her arms. She lifted her off of the doorstep and walked out into the front yard while still carrying her. She slowly spun around as she felt Ali’s fingers wrap around her neck. Ashlyn shuddered as she felt Ali’s nails lightly grazing the skin on the back of her neck. She gently set Ali down and Ali immediately pulled Ashlyn back into a hug. She buried her face in the crook of Ashlyn’s neck, breathing in her cologne. Ashlyn stroked Ali’s hair as she tried not to notice how good her ass looked in her jeans.  
Suddenly remembering where they were at, Ali quickly pulled away, hoping none of her neighbors were watching or had seen the moment the two had just shared. She grabbed Ashlyn’s hands and smiled. “Let’s go in,” she suggested.  
Ashlyn smiled back and walked back up to the house with her hand on the small of Ali’s back. Ali led Ashlyn to the foyer and set her suitcase by the steps. Ashlyn admired the house as she slowly walked from room to room. The ceilings were high and arched, almost seeming like a castle or palace. The kitchen boasted new appliances and granite countertops; a long glass dining table filled the grand dining room. The living room contained only genuine leather furniture, all pointed towards a big screen TV above a stone fireplace. Ashlyn walked to the back door of the living room and saw a hot tub in the back yard facing a brick fireplace in the middle of the patio.  
“Your house is fucking awesome,” Ashlyn said as she realized she had forgotten her swimsuit not knowing Ali’s dad’s house would have a hot tub.  
“Oh, thanks,” Ali said, never realizing before how nice her dad’s house actually was. She never took the time to notice before because she never really had been materialistic. Things never made her happy, even if they were expensive and popular.  
Ashlyn tried to estimate how many times her house would fit into Ali’s. She suddenly realized that Ali had no idea what kind of home she came from, what kind of household she grew up in. Not wanting Ali to ask her anything about her house or home, Ashlyn quickly changed the subject.   
“I can’t even tell you how great it is to see you,” Ashlyn said as she tried not to look Ali up and down.  
“You look amazing,” Ali blurted out as she wanted so badly to cup Ashlyn’s face in her hand.  
“You always look amazing, Ali,” Ashlyn replied as she watched Ali’s face beam before her.

 

Ali was putting their leftover dinner away as Ashlyn was loading dishes into the dishwasher. The lighting in the kitchen was dim as Ali had lit just three candles for dinner. Ali put the last leftover container in the refrigerator when she noticed a bottle of wine pushed to the back of the fridge. She pulled it out and spun the bottle around in her hand so she could see what kind it was. The label showed it was a Merlot, her dad’s favorite kind of red wine. “Hey, do you like wine?” Ali asked as she read the rest of the label.  
“It’s alright, why?” Ashlyn asked as she spun around. She saw the bottle in Ali’s hand and smirked as she held her hand out.   
Ali raised an eyebrow and smiled as she watched Ashlyn observe the bottle. “Do you have a corkscrew?” Ashlyn asked.  
Butterflies formed in Ali’s stomach as she opened a drawer to retrieve a corkscrew. She was excited to be spending this alone time with Ashlyn, but she knew a night of drinking could result in a variety of things, most of which Ali secretly wanted to happen, but didn’t want to have deal with the consequnces. A thrill ran throughout her body as she watched Ashlyn open the bottle, her smooth hands methodically twisting the corkscrew. Ali imagined those hands on her body, caressing her smooth skin. Ali became uncomfortable as she shook the thought away. She opened a cabinet and set two wine glasses onto the counter, watching as Ashlyn poured red liquid into each glass, almost overflowing each one.  
“I don’t want that much,” Ali said nervously as she put her hands over one glass.  
“Who says any of this is for you?” Ashlyn said as she shook the bottle around.  
Ali playfully punched her in the arm, realizing how much she missed Ashlyn’s smartass demeanor.  
“Drink as much or as little as you want, Al. It’s okay,” Ashlyn said genuinely, not ever wanting to pressure Ali into anything.  
Ali reached for her glass and brought it up to her lips, smelling the rich, red wine. She took a small sip and felt the burgundy liquid stain her lips. She could feel it coating the back of her throat as she gently tipped her head back. She never really was a fan of red wine, but right now there was nothing better than that harsh, maroon liquid cascading down her throat. She watched Ashlyn react to her by reaching for her own glass and chugging a few big gulps, emptying almost half her glass in just her first drink. She never was one for shortcuts.   
Ali felt excitement as she felt the wine starting to run throughout her bloodstream. She could feel her toes and the tips of her fingers tingle as her body started to warm up. She felt adventurous, fierce, courageous, all adjectives she normally saved for Ash. “Do you want to get in the hot tub?” Ali asked as she this time took a big swig of her drink.  
Ashlyn’s eyes lit up as she watched Ali empty half of her glass. “I would love to get into the hot tub,” she said as she knocked back the rest of her drink.  
Ali gave her a sly smile as she copied Ash’s motion and finished the rest of her drink, leaving only a dark, red ring in the bottom of the glass. She kept her eyes on Ashlyn as she reached for the wine bottle. Without missing a beat, Ashlyn held out both of the glasses for Ali to fill. Ali filled both glasses to the brim again, almost emptying the wine bottle. She reached for her glass as Ashlyn reached for hers. They both continued to make eye contact as they moved their glasses to their lips. They watched the wine make contact with each other’s lips as a burning sensation lingered in their throats. They simultaneously closed their eyes and swigged the rest of the wine, each taking several seconds to finish the drink. They both gasped as they slammed their wine glasses down on the table, red stains on their lips.  
“I don’t think anyone has ever taken wine as a shot before,” Ashlyn laughed as she realized they had just finished almost a whole bottle of wine in less than five minutes. Ali realized the same thing as she shook the bottle, hearing a small splash of liquid in the bottom. With the bottle in her hand she took a few steps over to Ashlyn as Ashlyn slowly stopped laughing and backed up against the counter. Ali reached around to the back of Ashlyn’s head with her right hand. She cupped Ashlyn’s soft hair with her palm as she felt Ashlyn’s arms settle around her waist, pulling her in closer. Ali could feel Ashlyn’s breath on her as she slowly tilted the bottle up to Ashlyn’s lips. Ashlyn tilted her head back slowly as she watched Ali’s arm near her face. She parted her lips as she watched Ali tenderly pour the wine into Ashlyn’s mouth. The crimson liquid leaked out of the corners of Ashlyn’s mouth as she pushed the rest of it down her throat with her tongue. She slipped her hands under Ali’s shirt, running her fingers over Ali’s soft, skin. Ali closed her eyes as she remembered every single time she had longed for those familiar hands on her body. Ali opened her eyes and put her index finger to Ash’s mouth, tracing the wine down her chin. She moved her finger back up to Ashlyn’s lips and parted them slightly, picturing them all over her body. She raised herself up on her tip toes and gently kissed Ashlyn’s red stained lips, tasting the wine as she let her lips sink deeper. She felt Ashlyn’s lips begin to mover under hers, her hands gripping her back tighter. Ali felt the graze of Ashlyn’s tongue as it slightly met hers, sending waves throughout her body. Ali pulled back, while her hand was still on the base of Ashlyn’s neck. Ashlyn’s eyes were hazy and glazed over as she could still taste Ali on her lips. Ali brought the wine bottle to her lips and tilted her head back to finish the remaining drops of wine. Ashlyn leaned forward to kiss Ali’s neck, her lips still wet from the wine. Ali felt herself melt as she felt Ashlyn’s smooth lips on the middle of her neck. Ashlyn grabbed Ali’s chin and tenderly spun Ali’s face to hers. Ashlyn closed her eyes as she kissed Ali’s lips again, this time harder, hoping to seal all her broken pieces together again. Ashlyn pulled away, leaving Ali softly gasping. Ashlyn ran a tongue over her lips, noting how she had never tasted anything better in her life.

 

The girls stumbled upstairs as they both tripped on each step. They giggled as they caught themselves from falling down the stairs. They reached the landing and Ali started down the hallway to a room at the end of the hall. She opened the door and went straight to her closet to retrieve her bathing suit. Ashlyn beamed as she caught a glimpse of the room Ali had grown up in. Stuffed animals still littered in the corner of the room, and the walls proudly displayed newspaper clippings and trophies from Ali’s soccer career. The bedspread was hot pink with the USA soccer crest in the middle of it.   
“The bathroom is right here if you want to change,” Ali said as she knocked on the door next to the closet. She was all of a sudden feeling shy and didn’t want things to escalate to more than what they had downstairs.  
“Well, I actually didn’t bring a swimsuit,” Ashlyn said absentmindedly, anxiously waiting for what Ali’s response would be.  
“Oh,” Ali said as she quickly fumbled her brain for the right reaction. “You can borrow one of mine,” she said as she threw Ashlyn a suit.  
Ashlyn caught the suit and started for the bathroom. She could sense Ali was nervous and still coming to terms with what had happened downstairs. Even Ashlyn was a little unsettled by it. Ashlyn had been with women in the past, but it had never been this intimate. She was beginning to wonder if this was the first time Ali had ever experienced anything with a woman.   
Ashlyn let herself into the bathroom and fixed her hair. She splashed cold water on her face and rubbed her temples. She had never felt like this before and it was equally as frightening as it was thrilling. She stripped her clothes off and gathered them into a heap by the door. She pulled on Ali’s swimsuit picturing what Ali was going to look like in hers. She tied the top and made sure the bottoms were nice and snug. She noticed that even though she was taller than Ali, Ali was bigger than Ashlyn as Ashlyn tied the top tighter. The bottoms were a little baggy in the butt as Ashlyn observed herself in the mirror.  
Ali quickly gathered her hair into a ponytail as she sprayed on perfume. Even though they were going to be getting into the hot tub soon, she worried she had worked up a sweat while they were downstairs. She adjusted her top, purposely picking the swimsuit that showed off her cleavage the best. She pulled on bottoms that she hadn’t worn in a while, hoping they would firmly tone and lift her butt with all the extra muscle she had gained lately. She heard the doorknob twist as she casually tightened the ponytail holder keeping her hair together. She pretended not to watch Ashlyn cross the room as she took in Ashlyn’s lean stomach out of the corner of her eye. Her tattoos sprang to life as her arm and chest muscles flexed.   
Ashlyn jammed her clothes into her suitcase, making sure none of them spilled out. She watched Ali fix her ponytail, the muscles on her back as she ran her fingers through her auburn hair. Ashlyn playfully let her eyes wander to Ali’s butt, admiring Ali’s dedication to her strength and fitness.  
Ali whipped around as Ashlyn quickly looked down. “Are you ready?” She asked, implying more than just the question at hand. Knowing Ali meant more than just asking if she was ready for the hot tub, Ashlyn eagerly followed her downstairs and outside, ready for anything that was about to happen between them.

 

The air was still thick as steam rose up around Ali and Ashlyn’s faces. Ashlyn cupped a handful of water and let it run through her fingers, warming her skin. Ali tilted her head back, her arms extended out, and each one resting peacefully on the edge of the hot tub. They had stayed out here for hours now, just talking and laughing. It was as if no time had passed between them as they felt the pieces of their broken lives starting to come together again.   
“So tell me about home. In all this time we’ve known each other you hardly ever talk about your family or back home,” Ali said.  
Ashlyn sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. “I don’t know, Ali, there’s really not much to tell,” she replied.  
“Oh, c’mon, you mean to tell me you have nothing to say about the home that the infamous Ashlyn Harris grew up in,” Ali said with a laugh.  
Ashlyn lowered her eyes and pushed her hands underwater, feeling the water get hotter the deeper they went. Flashes of her past played back to her as she watched her reflection in the steaming water. She heard a splash as Ali maneuvered herself over to her, sensing something was wrong. She reached under the water to find Ashlyn’s hands. She held them in hers as she sat down sideways beside Ashlyn, splaying her legs across Ashlyn’s lap. “I want to know everything about you, Ash. I don’t want to miss a single thing. I don’t care what it is. I want all of you,” she said as she placed a soft kiss on Ashlyn’s lips.  
Ashlyn felt the tension in her body subside as she felt Ali’s thick lips on hers, tasting her overwhelming scent again. She turned her head to look at Ali, her tight, toned body glimmering beneath the moonlight. Ashlyn reached for Ali’s arm and pulled her onto her lap, placing her hands on the upper part of Ali’s waist, just below her breasts. She could feel Ali trembling beneath her as she placed her palm over Ali’s chest. She could feel the clatter of heartbeats as Ali covered Ashlyn’s hand with her own, gripping Ashlyn’s fingers. Ashlyn lowered her head and closed her eyes, inhaling the mist of the water. She gently moved her and Ali’s hands away so she could kiss Ali’s chest, feeling her heart flutter beneath the weight of her lips.   
“Then I’m yours,” Ashlyn said as she raised her head back up to face Ali. The darkness around them gave Ashlyn permission to finally let someone be her light.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn recalls her time at UNC while her and Ali spend their last night together.

Ali rested her head on Ashlyn’s chest as they both lay in Ali’s queen sized bed. With her dad coming back into town tomorrow afternoon, Ashlyn’s last night with Ali was tonight. Ashlyn twirled a piece of Ali’s hair around her finger as she glanced around the room she grew up in.   
“Do you ever wonder what things would have been like if we had met each other sooner?” Ashlyn asked.  
Ali shifted positions so that she was not facing Ashlyn. “What do you mean exactly?” Ali asked as she saw Ashlyn light up with possibilities.  
“I just mean like what if we had met while we were in high school, or if we had gone to the same college or something. Do you think parts of your life would still have turned out the same?”   
Ali looked down as she pondered about her life before Ashlyn. As strange as it seemed, she didn’t really remember what her life was like before Ashlyn. She got so used to her being there that she rarely looked back to the past. “I honestly don’t know,” Ali replied as she imagined her and Ash getting coffee together at college in between classes, sitting next to each other on long bus rides to their high school soccer games, having sleepovers together as young children. She almost felt as if her life didn’t really exist before Ashlyn. Her whole life had changed upon meeting her  
“I think things would have been different for me,” Ashlyn said as she fought hard to keep the emotion from her voice.  
“Why do you say that?” Ali asked as she sat up to sit cross legged from Ashlyn.  
“Let’s just say there are some versions of Ashlyn that you haven’t met yet,” Ashlyn said as she let out her hearty chuckle.  
Suddenly feeling intrigued about the Ashlyn Ali had still not met, Ali sat up straighter. “Tell me about her,” she asked as she concentrated solely on Ashlyn.  
Ashlyn smiled as she looked down. Her smile slowly faded as she picked at a string at the hem line of her t-shirt. “I don’ know, Ali. I’m not proud of who I used to be. The things I used to do. It’s hard for me to talk about.”  
Ali paused as she watched Ashlyn fold into herself. She knew these types of conversations were hard for her. “I feel like talking about it eventually makes it easier though,” she said as she reached out for Ashlyn’s hand.  
Ashlyn kept her gaze down as she clasped onto Ali’s hand, feeling her warm skin set her on fire from the inside out.  
“You can tell me anything, Ash. No matter how tough it is, no matter how difficult it is for me to hear, I will always protect you. You don’t have to be afraid with me,” Ali said as she leaned in closer to Ashlyn, resting her forehead against Ashlyn’s.  
Ashlyn looked up at her and crossed her eyes, making Ali burst out laughing. Ali playfully pushed Ashlyn’s head away, noting her dimples as she smiled.  
Ashlyn turned back around, this time a look of thankfulness on her face. For the first time in her life she felt like she really didn’t have to be afraid. She could be whoever she wanted to be, revealing all the wrongs and rights of herself and Ali really would always protect her. She felt free. “You found me, Ali,” Ashlyn said as she closed her eyes. She heard Ali rustle on the bed, her lips closing over hers, forming a seal of promises and trust.  
“I didn’t even know it was you I was looking for when I found you. You’ve been the best surprise, Ash.” Ali kissed her again, feeling her chest explode. What did she did know, however, was that she was beginning to fall insanely mad in love with Ashlyn Michelle Harris.

 

Fall 2006  
Young adults filtered into the bar from outside as music pulsed throughout the nightclub. Ashlyn stood at the bar to order another round of shots as a new DJ came on stage. Ashlyn turned to check out the new performer when she noticed several of her teammates heading towards the front of the bar. Ashlyn tried to get their attention as she called out to them. None of them heard her but Heather. Ashlyn paid for the shots as she saw Heather make her way through the crowd over to her.  
“Where are you guys going? I just ordered more drinks,” Ashlyn yelled as she handed Heather a shot glass.  
Heather pushed it away as she leaned into Ashlyn’s ear. “We need to all go home and study and get to bed. We’ve got an exam tomorrow morning, remember?” Heather asked as she waited for Ashlyn’s reaction.  
Ashlyn laughed in disbelief as she checked her watch. “Are you fucking kidding me? It’s only 10 O’clock,” Ashlyn said as she drank one of the shots.  
“You should really go home with us, Ash. You didn’t do very well on the last exam,” Heather said as she stood between Ashlyn and the bar.  
“You’re not my mother, HAO,” Ashlyn said as she took another shot.  
Heather grabbed her wrist, silently pleading with her.  
“I’m not going,” Ashlyn said as she folded her arms. She knew she should be going home to study but she just didn’t care about grades or classes. She wanted to live up the college experience and she didn’t think going home at 10 PM to study would be in the highlight reel when she looked back on her college adventures.  
“You’re fucking all of this up, Ash. I hope you’re aware of that. You’ve been given so much more than most people could even dream of. I hope you know what you’re risking,” Heather said as she followed the rest of their teammates out the door.   
Ashlyn stood at the bar, watching the team leave without her. She glanced around the bar and suddenly began to realize how alone she felt. A group of young girls sat at a table in the corner, sipping drinks with paper umbrellas, all laughing and high fiving each other. Couples danced on the dance floor, hands all over each other. A handful of guys sat at the end of the bar, discussing careers and which NBA teams they’d like to play for one day. Suddenly, Ashlyn started to feel incredibly alone. Normally she felt vibrant and energetic when she went out. She felt as if her body had been drained of all excitement and wonder. She sat down at the bar and took one more shot, feeling her head get dizzy as the music got louder in the bar. She took another shot and felt her arms and legs go numb. Her body began to sway as she finished the last four shots.   
The music got louder and louder as Ashlyn made her way onto the dance floor. She found a group of students her age dancing in the corner and she made her way over to them. They were all as drunk as her. They held out their arms as she stumbled to them, almost falling right into them. They spun around in quick circles as the music thumped. Ashlyn began to feel light-headed as the alcohol churned in her stomach. The neon lights seemed to shine brighter as Ashlyn could feel vomit inching its way up to her mouth. She turned away from the dance floor and vomited all over the dark, wood floor. The people she was dancing with all jumped out of the way, getting as far away from her as possible. Ashlyn vomited again as people began to run off of the floor, many cursing at her as they exited the bar. One of the bouncers came over to her and told her she needed to leave the bar as soon as possible. Ashlyn wiped her mouth with the bottom of her shirt and staggered to the exit doors of the bar. She could see the reflection of the pink and green DJ booth lights as she pushed the doors open to downtown Chapel Hill, North Carolina. The air was still warm and light as she started vomiting on the sidewalk. Middle aged couples glared at her as they walked past her with coffee cups. College kids on skateboards zoomed past her, laughing at the girl making a fool of herself. Ashlyn tried to focus her vision as she stammered back to her dorm room. By the time she made it back it was almost 1:00 AM. She tried the door handle and realized it was locked. Swearing, she dug into her jean pocket to get her room key. She came up empty and tried the other pocket. She checked her jacket pocket, the key nowhere to be found. Shrugging, she began to pound on the door; vomit stuck to her hair and shirt sleeves. She waited and pounded again when nobody answered. Suddenly, the door flew open, revealing Heather in just boxer shorts and a tattered t-shirt.   
“What the fuck?” She yelled as she brushed the hair out of her eyes. She squinted only to realize Ashlyn was standing before her. She took in the sight of Ashlyn, her pale face and inability to stand up straight, the vomit crusted on her shirt. She looked like a wild animal that was in search of a home. “Ashlyn, are you alright?” Heather asked as she pushed Ashlyn inside.  
“I threw up a little bit, but it was such a fun night,” Ashlyn said as she started towards her bed.  
“Let me help you clean up first,” Heather sighed as she helped Ashlyn strip off her clothes. Heather opened up Ashlyn’s dresser drawers to find her some clean clothes. She could hear Ashlyn breathing loudly on the bed.  
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Ashlyn said as she put her hands to either side of her face.  
Heather grabbed a t-shirt and put it on Ashlyn, lightly touching her arms as she pulled it down over her long torso.  
“I feel so lost,” Ashlyn continued as she felt the room spin around her.  
“Ashlyn, you can’t keep doing this. This is the eighth time this month you’ve come home like this. You’re about to destroy everything,” Heather said gently as she put her hands on Ashlyn’s kneecaps as she knelt before her.  
Tears welled up in Ashlyn’s eyes as she began to cry. Small tears ran down her cheeks, as big sobs escaped from her chest. She struggled for air as she recalled her life back home, a place that no longer existed. She felt as if she was the only person on the entire planet. “I don’t know what else to do,” Ashlyn said as her upper body tensed.  
Heather gathered her into a hug, softly stroking her hair. “It’s okay,” she said as she felt Ashlyn collapse underneath her.  
“I want to do better, I do. I just feel so alone,” Ashlyn confessed.  
Heather pulled away from Ashlyn, taking in the sight of the broken young woman before her. She knew Ashlyn was hurting. Everyone could tell Ashlyn was hurting. They all wanted to help, but just didn’t know how. “Ash, I want to help you. I want to help you more than anything. But, I can’t help you until you start helping me help you, too,” Heather said as she tapped Ashlyn’s thighs.  
“Just lay with me tonight,” Ashlyn said as she pulled onto Heather’s arm. She lay down on the bed, watching as Heather lay down next to her. While settling into her pillow she remembered the English assignment she had due in two days, but still hadn’t finished yet. The assignment was to write about her deepest fear, a simple assignment for most, but a terrifying one for her. Because in that moment, she realized her deepest fears never were snakes or spiders, or heights or dying. Her deepest fear was feeling alone. A feeling she was experiencing far too often.

 

Ashlyn rolled over as she lowered the bed sheets from her eyes. She saw her roommate, Heather O’Reilly rummaging through her backpack, emptying notebooks and textbooks onto her work desk. Ashlyn sighed and rolled back over, her back to Heather. Heather pulled out the cushioned desk chair and sat down, not bothering to keep the noise level down.  
“You know I’m trying to sleep, don’t you?” Ashlyn asked as she whipped around to face Heather.  
Heather kept her head down as she opened her textbook and retrieved a pencil from her desk drawer. She ignored Ashlyn as she began her history homework.  
Ashlyn scoffed as she realized Heather was ignoring her. “Oh, that’s really mature, Heather, just go ahead and ignore me like a five year old.”  
Heather showed no expression as she leaned in closer to her textbook, intently taking notes.  
Frustrated, Ashlyn pulled the blankets up over her head as she tried to fall back asleep. She could feel tension growing in the room as Heather slammed the drawer shut.  
“You know what your problem is, Ashlyn? You have no respect for anyone, including yourself. You hardly ever go to class unless coach is on your ass, you never take the time to make the most of this opportunity, and all you seem to care about lately is how many drinks you average a night!”  
Ashlyn felt her cheeks redden as she clenched her jaw. “Leave me alone, Heather,” she said as she hated to admit that Heather was right.  
“If you don’t start getting your act together you’re going to be nothing but some loser surfer bum working some bullshit 9-5 while you get drunk at the local bar every night. You have so much more going for you, Ash. And you’re destroying it.  
“You need to mind your own damn business. You have no idea what my life is like,” Ashlyn yelled as she swung her legs over the bed.  
Heather slammed her textbook shut, getting up from her chair. “You probably don’t even remember what happened last night, do you?” She said as she crossed her arms, just inches from Ashlyn.  
“I remember my so-called friends ditched me. Some teammates you are,” Ashlyn said under her breath as she lay back down.  
Heather inhaled loudly as she threw one of her pencils against the wall behind Ashlyn. Ashlyn jumped up from the bed and pushed Heather, knocking her to the floor. “What the fuck is your problem? You guys are the ones that just ditch me and leave me by myself. That’s not what teammates do,” she said as she kept her fists clenched.  
Heather sprang up from the floor, and pushed Ashlyn back, knocking her hard into her bed. “Actually, Ashlyn, that’s exactly what teammates do. We encourage each other. We motivate each other to do better. If you want friends that support your poor drinking and study habits then you need to get the hell out of UNC. This isn’t high school anymore, Ash. You need to grow up. We all want to help you, but you get so defensive and aggressive. It’s almost like you don’t want us to help you. You’re going to be alone the rest of your life if you don’t stop this,” Heather said as she waited for Ashlyn to push her again or worse.  
The truth of Heather’s words stung as Ashlyn tried to erase them from her memory. She knew Heather was right. She knew she needed to get her act together. She just didn’t know if she wanted to. Sometimes she felt like there was no point. She slowly rose to her feet as she watched Heather tense up. She straightened her shirt and started for the door.  
“Ash,” Heather called out, suddenly feeling like a huge jerk for confronting Ashlyn with the much needed wake up call.  
“Maybe this life – soccer, college, getting a degree – just isn’t made for me,” Ashlyn said as she left the room and quietly closed the door behind her, not sure if she would return or not.

 

Ashlyn imagined herself walking down the lonely hallway of her dorm room as she finished telling Ali a dreaded story about her college days. Ali’s expression hadn’t changed at all the entire time and Ashlyn was a little worried about Ali’s reaction.   
“You amaze me, Ash,” she finally said.  
Surprised, Ashlyn raised her eyebrows and scrunched her face up. That was not the reaction she was expecting. “Really?”  
“Yeah, I mean you’ve completely transformed yourself. Sure, you’ve had rough times, but you’ve made the effort to change. You matured so much, and not just in soccer. You’re such a success story,” Ali said in an animated tone as her hands flew around like they did when she told a story.  
“It took a long time though,” Ashlyn said as she shook her head.  
“I’m proud of you, Ash. I’m so excited to see what’s next for you.”  
Ashlyn pulled Ali in for a kiss and then embraced her, wrapping her arms around her sturdy shoulders.  
As long as she had Ali, she knew she would never have to feel alone again. She was finally beginning to understand what a real home felt like.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls return to camp where they are faced with a lot more than just drills and conditioning exercises.

Sweat glistened from the players’ foreheads as they ran sprints around the perimeter of the field. They all ran with unity, matching the speed of those at the head of the line. Ashlyn was usually at the back of the line since goalkeepers weren’t used to the strenuous amounts of conditioning the field players usually endured. She spotted Ali at the front of the line, her sturdy thigh muscles contracted with each long stride. Ashlyn slowed her pace as she watched Ali’s thick, dark ponytail bounce in the wind, her loose strands of hair flying around her lightly tanned face. Ashlyn felt a kick in the back of the leg as she turned her head around.  
“What are you gawking at? Let’s catch up to them!” Hope Solo suggested as she zoomed past Ashlyn. She quickly turned around to stick her tongue out at Ashlyn. “Let's go, 2nd string.” She kicked dirt up as she began sprinting past the rest of the team.  
While Ashlyn was used to Hope’s taunts and usually made light of them, she wanted to show Hope up this time. She took after her, making sure to keep an eye on her route as they continued sprinting along the dusty track. Ashlyn passed the midfielders and the forwards, pushing her way through the team as she caught up with Hope. Hope whipped around to see Ashlyn was catching up and stuck her chest out as she began to run faster. Ashlyn pumped her arms as fast as they would go as she was within inches with Hope. She reached out to touch Hope’s jersey and playfully pulled her back a little, causing Hope to stumble. Hope forcefully pushed Ashlyn, making her stagger backwards. They both continued to race, not wanting to give in to each other’s antics. Ashlyn could see all of the coaches watching now as they were about to cross the designated finish line. Ashlyn leaned forward and leaped as she went soaring over the line, watching as Hope crossed just merely seconds after her. The rest of the team crossed the line cheering and congratulating Hope and Ashlyn for putting in the extra effort in practice.  
“I didn’t know goalkeepers could move like that,” Ali said as she bumped fists with Ashlyn.  
“There are a lot of moves you haven’t seen yet,” Ashlyn said as she leaned in to hug Ali, a giant smirk on her face.  
Ali instantly pushed her away, a look of disgust on her face. She took a few steps back and looked around to see if any of her teammates had seen what had just happened. She breathed a sigh of relief as she saw her teammates gathered around their coach, deep in conversation.  
Ashlyn could tell something was wrong and gently grabbed onto the bottom of Ali’s practice jersey. “What was that about?” Ashlyn asked as she saw the look of discomfort on Ali’s face.  
“You can’t do that, Ashlyn! Have you forgotten where we’re at?” Ali hastily whispered.  
“Do what?” Ashlyn asked, sincerely confused.  
“What you just did!”  
“I can’t give you a hug now? Ali, what’s wrong?” Ashlyn was beginning to feel uncomfortable having never seen this side of Ali before.  
“Let’s just cool it, okay? We can talk about it later.” Ali stormed down the field in the opposite direction, grass stains covering her white practice uniform.  
Even though Ashlyn played for the same country as Ali, she was beginning to wonder if they were even on the same team anymore.

 

Ashlyn stepped out of the shower, feeling the cool air greet her. She dried off and changed into a pair of sweats and a UNC sweatshirt. She hung the towel up on a hook on the door and let herself out of the steamy bathroom. She ran her fingers through her wavy hair as she plopped down on her bed. Not feeling like watching TV, Ashlyn closed her eyes and threaded her fingers on top of her chest. Ashlyn hadn’t been assigned a roommate since most of the girls were given their own room so she decided to savor the rare quiet time and take a nap. She rolled over to face the air conditioner when she heard a knock at the door. Figuring she was dreaming, she pulled the covers back up over her head and closed her eyes when she heard the knock again, this time louder. She groaned as she threw the covers back and trumped over to the door. She didn’t even bother looking out through the peephole as she swung the door open.  
Ali stood in the doorway, clutching a suitcase and duffel bag. “So, there’s been a change of plans,” she announced as she walked past Ashlyn into the room. “Syd is letting Dom stay with her for a few weeks so I figured I’d just stay with you. Coach even suggested it since there weren’t any problems last time. Can you believe coach is letting Dom stay?” Ali was acting so casual that it was as if the incident that afternoon had never happened.  
Ashlyn mulled over what she was going to say as she watched Ali unpack her bags. She sat down on the bed in silence as Ali stuffed clothes and jewelry into dresser drawers. Ali detected her silence as she stopped unpacking and sat down cross-legged on the floor to face Ashlyn. “Are you mad at me?” She asked as she carefully watched Ashlyn’s response.  
Ashlyn sighed heavily as she fiddled with the watch on her wrist. “I’m just confused, Ali. Why wouldn’t I be? I mean, this afternoon you practically forbid me to touch you in front of anyone, but you just waltz in here announcing that you’re going to stay with me, like nothing happened. It’s like you’re two completely different people when we’re alone and out with people.”  
Ali hung her head as she felt the truth of Ashlyn’s words form craters in her chest. “Ash, things are just really complicated.”  
“That’s such a bullshit answer, Ali. Things didn’t seem so complicated when we were at your dad’s house, or when we were together at the last camp. You didn’t seem to mind my hands on you then.” Ashlyn folded her arms, her face spouting nothing but anger and hurt.  
Ali’s face burned as she avoided looking at Ashlyn. “Ashlyn, there’s a lot at stake. My intention isn’t to hurt you. I’m just scared. All of this is new for me.”  
“So what do you want to do?” Ashlyn asked calmly as she watched Ali’s face scrunch up in pain.  
“I want to be with you,” She started.  
“But,”  
“But, Ash, it’s not that easy. We have our careers to think about. What am I going to tell my parents? What would we do if the media and our fans found out? We can’t just not think about any of that.”  
Ashlyn swallowed each word that Ali gave her, tasting the bitterness and anguish. “You’re embarrassed of me.”  
Ali’s heart did a somersault as she watched Ashlyn hang her head, a look of rejection stamped all over her. She scooted over to her and reached out for her hands. Ashlyn stayed limp as she watched Ali take her hands. “That’s not true. Please don’t think that, Ash. I could never be embarrassed of you. I’m just scared of the team finding out and it not going over well with Pia. I don’t know how my parents would react. I don’t want to lose any of this.” She brought Ashlyn’s hands up to her cheeks and placed soft kisses on her knuckles.  
Ashlyn tugged her hands back and wrapped them around herself, wondering why Ali constantly wanted to keep her a secret. “So you just want to sneak around forever? “  
“No, I want to be able to tell people. Just not right now. I just have too much going on, Ashlyn. I can’t deal with that right now. I need to focus on this right now.”  
“You can deal with it, Ali, you’re just choosing not to. Just because you can’t accept yourself doesn’t mean you can just toss me to the wind,” Ashlyn spat as she scooted away from Ali.  
“I’m not throwing you away, Ash. That’s the last thing I want to do. I just need time, okay?” She put her hand over Ashlyn’s kneecap, feeling the knots and bruises she received on the field today, the visible evidence of the suffering she endured at least. “I’ll try to do better. Please, just let me work through this.”  
Ashlyn exhaled deeply as she extended her arms out for Ali to crawl into them. Ali burrowed her face in the crook of Ashlyn’s neck, smelling her cologne and Axe deodorant. “I’m sorry, Ash,” she said as she lightly grazed the hairs on the back of Ashlyn’s neck. “I’ll be better.”  
Ashlyn held her tighter as a sour feeling settled in her stomach. No matter how much Ashlyn held on, she couldn’t help but feel like she had already lost Ali.

 

The team was granted the next day off for their hard efforts at the recent training sessions, so they all decided to go out for the night. Ali dumped her makeup out of her bag as she searched for her mascara. She could feel steam as Ashlyn walked out of the bathroom, donning baggy, leather jeans, a long black t-shirt, black boots, and a black snap-back on a head of wild, blonde hair. She looked beautiful as she sat down beside Ali to put on makeup.  
“You look amazing,” Ali said as she eyed Ashlyn from head to toe.  
“You look beautiful, Alex Blaire,” Ashlyn said as she planted a kiss on Ali’s cheek. Ali handed her the mascara and the lip gloss, the only makeup Ashlyn was willing to put on most of the time. Ali watched her swipe the lip gloss on, feeling a warm sensation in her lower abdomen. She pictured Ashlyn’s colored lips leaving trails down her stomach, her inner thighs. She quickly erased the thought as she dusted blush over her tanned cheeks.  
Ashlyn’s phone lit up as she reached across the floor to grab it. “HAO said everybody is heading out,” she announced as she typed a text.  
“I’m ready then,” Ali said as she stood up. She was wearing tight white jeans, with a denim cropped top, her belly button peeking out from under the shirt. Her black pumps made her seem taller and her legs longer. Ashlyn groaned as she playfully slapped Ali’s butt. She slid her hands into her back pockets as she peppered kisses along the length of her neck.  
“I’m ready too,” Ashlyn moaned as she slid one hand up Ali’s shirt. Ali guided Ashlyn’s hand to the bottom of her bra, letting Ashlyn touch her fully. Ashlyn tenderly cupped Ali’s breast as Ali breathed heavily into her ear. Ali started unbuttoning her shirt when there was a loud knock on the door. Ali stopped unbuttoning and moved Ashlyn’s hand away.  
“Just ignore it,” Ashlyn said as she continued to place soft, little kisses on Ali’s chest.  
“Ash,” Ali began as the knock got louder.  
“Hey c’mon you fucking losers, let’s go!” Meghan Rapinoe, good friends with both of them, shouted from the other side.  
“Let’s go,” Ali said mischievously as she tugged on Ashlyn’s shirt collar. She pulled her close and kissed her fully on the lips before skipping to the door. She let Meghan inside, remembering to button her shirt back up.  
Ash swiped on more lip gloss, noticing that Ali was wearing most of what she had put on earlier. “I think she’s ready,” Ashlyn announced, referring to Ali as she followed Meghan and her out the door, hoping those words would ring true for the rest of the night.

The girls were on their fifth tray of shots as the bar erupted with excitement. Some of the team was out on the dance floor, drunkenly dancing with fans. Some girls sat at the bar deep in conversation, making fun of the drunken ones dancing. Ali and Ashlyn had just ordered another round of shots for themselves when Abby Wambach ran up to them, pulling them out on the dance floor. Ashlyn made sure to grab her and Ali’s drinks as she was whisked away by Abby. Abby jokingly grinded on Ali, making Ali burst into a fit of laughter. Ashlyn gleamed as she watched Ali laugh at a situation she would normally be embarrassed about. Abby sauntered to another group of people, leaving Ali and Ashlyn. Ashlyn handed Ali her drink, and gulped hers down, recalling the very first time she had drank with Ali at her dad’s house. How their first kiss was a chaser to the red wine they shared.  
Ali reveled at the sight of Ashlyn dancing like a loony toon in front of her. The neon lights from the DJ booth lit up her face at all the right angles, making Ali question if she had ever seen anything more beautiful. Ashlyn laughed as she spun in circles, making it Ali’s favorite new sound. She reached out for Ali, and pulled her in dipping her backwards just inches off the ground. Ali laughed hysterically as she watched Ashlyn pretend to drop her. She scooped Ali back up and let Ali twirl away from her, the purple and green lights accentuating her every step. Ali twirled back in and Ashlyn laced her arms around her, holding her close. Ali could feel Ashlyn’s bicep muscles as she clenched to her arms, not ever wanting to leave. Suddenly, she saw a shadow start to come over her face as she realized Ashlyn was leaning in to kiss her. Ali furiously pushed her away, making Ashlyn falter backwards. “What the hell are you doing?” Ali yelled as she stormed off the dance floor.  
Ashlyn saw their teammates’ heads turn as she followed Ali through the bar. HAO tried to stop her at the bar, but Ash plowed right through her, not wanting Ali to escape. She burst through the front doors to find her standing on the edge of the sidewalk, flagging down a taxi.  
“Ali!” Ashlyn shouted as she could see the fire in her eyes.  
The taxi pulled up and Ali stepped off the curb. Ashlyn darted after her, grabbing her by the shoulder. “Let’s go back and talk,” she said as Ali put one foot in the taxi.  
Ali pushed her away, causing Ashlyn to trip over the curb, landing flat on her butt. “Get the fuck off,” Ali said through clenched teeth as she slammed the door shut to the taxi. The taxi zoomed off as HAO grabbed Ashlyn under her arms to pull her up. “What the hell was that about?” She asked as she dusted the dirt off of Ashlyn’s clothes.  
“I wish I knew,” Ashlyn replied as she watched the taxi disappear from her sight. She adjusted her shirt and started walking down the sidewalk, not sure where to even go next. Heather caught up with her, putting her hand on Ashlyn’s back. “Ash, stop for a second,” she asked as she stood in front of her. “What’s going on? I don’t mean to be pry, but you and Ali just haven’t been acting like yourselves lately. Is there something going on between the two of you?” She asked as she patiently waited for Ashlyn’s answer.  
Ashlyn eyes burned with intensity as she looked past Heather, down the busy streets. “There is nothing going on with Ali and me. I think she’s made that pretty clear.” Ashlyn pushed past Heather, feeling sick by her own words. She walked the length of the sidewalk, navigating around the drunks that were gathered outside each bar. She rounded a corner and instead of stopping for the crosswalk she ran right out into traffic, cars honking furiously at her. She sprinted down the lonely streets as people looked at her with bewildered expressions. She leaped over park benches, garbage cans, not letting anything get in her path of self destruction. The closer she got to camp the more her lungs burned, but not because of the running. She was hurt, confused, broken by Ali’s response to her. She burst through the doors of the housing units and ran the length of the hallway to their room. She stumbled in, barely able to catch her breath. She stomped around the corner, expecting to see Ali in her bed. Both beds were empty. She checked the bathroom only to find the artifacts of what they left behind before they left earlier tonight. She stood in the middle of the room, completely exhausted from what had transpired in less than an hour. She sank to her knees as she flashbacked to Ali pushing her away in the bar, the red neon lights representing her boiling anger. Ashlyn had never seen that look on Ali’s face. She rested her head up against the wall as she fought back tears. She heard footsteps as Ali entered the room. Ali stopped in her tracks upon seeing Ashlyn resting up against the wall, a wounded expression in her eyes. She reached back to shut the door and shuffled to her bed, gingerly sitting at the end of it. She covered her face with her hands and began to sob uncontrollably, her strong body shaking violently. A sharp pain twisted in Ashlyn’s chest as she watched Ali. That was her least favorite sight to see.  
“I know you hate me,” Ali quivered. “But, I just panicked, Ash. I wish I could explain it. One minute I felt like it was just us in that bar and then I realized we weren’t alone and I just lost it.”  
“I know, trust me. You humiliated me, Ali,” Ashlyn said as her voice cracked.  
Ali peeked through her fingers, not wanting to see the pain she caused Ashlyn. She saw that her face was streaked with tears. She looked defeated, crushed. “You think I like doing this to you? Because I hate it just as much as you do. I can’t stand that I get like this. It hurts me more than anything in the world to know that I’ve hurt you through all of this.”  
“I don’t know what to do, Al. I’m trying so hard to be patient, and support you completely until you figure things out, but there’s only so much rejection one person can take. I don’t know how much more I can take. I won’t settle for anything halfway, especially with you.” Ashlyn felt like she had just laid all of her cards down on the table, waiting for Ali to reveal her decision.  
Ali felt like she had been kicked in the gut as she listened to Ashlyn’s ultimatum. She knew Ashlyn had every right to feel like she did, but a part of her still wished that she could let it slide. “Just please, give me another chance. Maybe now I’ll know how to deal with things.”  
Ashlyn shook her head as she took her hat off and placed it on the table beside her bed. “Ali, that’s just it. You don’t want to deal with things. You’re not ready to. I’m sorry for going too far at the bar, I really am, but we can’t keep doing what we’re doing if you’re only going to allow it within the confines of these walls.”  
“So, what are you saying?” Ali asked as she watched Ashlyn slide into bed, her bed, instead of crawling into hers.  
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should just cool it for awhile. Focus on what’s really important. We need to start concentrating on things that matter. Goodnight, Ali.” Ashlyn turned over, balling a fistful of sheets into her mouth to keep her from changing her mind.  
Ali rustled in her own bed, feeling hot, salty tears run down her cheeks. She buried her face in her pillow and screamed. She didn’t know what the score was anymore. All she knew was that she had lost.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training camp continues as roster cuts are made.

Camp was coming to a close as the gals prepared to go out for one final night before the last week of training. Ashlyn pulled on her jacket as she fastened her room keys to her pocket chain. Ali was curling her hair in the bathroom trying to avoid looking at Ashlyn at all costs. They had barely spoken since that night at the bar and she could sense there was still a lot of tension between them.  
“I’ll see you later,” Ashlyn called out as she started for the door.  
“Wait,” Ali called out to her as she peeked out from the bathroom. She took in Ashlyn’s appearance, her black jeans, red flannel shirt, and black leather jacket. Instead of a snapback she wore a black fedora, giving her face a dark and mysterious look. “Wow, you look great,” Ali said, instantly regretting it.  
“Have a good night,” Ashlyn said, ignoring her compliment. She smiled faintly before pulling the door closed behind her.

Ali waited another hour before going to the club the rest of the team was meeting at. She felt out of sorts since her and Ashlyn normally ventured out together, only wanting to spend time with each other. She decided to do her makeup again as she settled herself in front of the mirror. With her and Ashlyn barely speaking, she was starting to become insecure and didn’t want Ashlyn to stop noticing her. She layered on extra mascara as she drew on more eye liner. She used her most expensive lip stick and sprayed the perfume Ashlyn liked. She slipped on a low cut red top and black skinny jeans, admiring how good she looked. Maybe she would take a chance tonight.  
She walked through the entrance of the bar, taken aback by how soft the music was playing compared to the music at the bar the other night. She was greeted by Abby and Hope who each handed her a shot. She diligently drank both of them and pulled out a chair to sit down. She casually scanned the room for Ashlyn as Hope and Abby sat at the table with her.  
“Ali,” Abby said.  
Ali was just turning to Abby when she saw the black fedora on the far side of the room. Ashlyn was sitting at a table with a young, very attractive girl, laughing and talking. Ali felt like she just swallowed a knife as she watched Ashlyn talk to a girl that wasn’t her.  
“Ali!” Abby shouted again, this time banging a shot glass on the table.  
“What, I’m sorry,” she stammered as she re-positioned her chair so as not to be able to see Ashlyn.  
“How’s everything going?” Abby asked as she lowered her voice. Hope set her drink down, leaning in close to Ali.  
“…Fine, why?” Ali asked casually.  
“We’ve just noticed things have seemed off with you. We were just wondering if everything was okay. If you wanted to talk about anything,” Hope replied as she delicately touched Ali’s forearm.  
“What are you guys talking about? I’m doing great,” Ali exclaimed as she reached for her drink. She took a sip only to see out of the corner of her eye Ashlyn and the young girl walking up to them. Ashlyn grabbed the girl’s hand as they got closer to the table. She pulled out a chair for the girl at the bar and took off her jacket for her to wear.   
“Order anything you’d like, babe,” she said as she walked to the back of the club to the restrooms.   
The girl was the polar opposite of Ali. Her long blonde hair reached to the middle of her back, glinting in the dim bar lights. She was very thin, showing little to no muscle definition. She seemed a little stuck up, or at least Ali hoped she was so she would have a reason for not liking her without really knowing her. She ordered a martini and a wine cooler for Ashlyn. Ali scoffed as she tried to picture Ashlyn drinking a fruity wine color instead of her normal whiskey and diet coke. Ashlyn returned from the bathroom and sat down beside the girl, taking a sip of the wine cooler without any acknowledgment.   
Ali felt Hope and Abby’s arms on hers as they watched her carefully. She tensed as she watched Ashlyn lean in close to the girl, whispering the things she used to whisper to Ali. The girl pecked Ashlyn on the cheek, leaning into her. Ashlyn rubbed her back while they both laughed and shared each other’s drinks. Ali finished the rest of her drink and stood up from the table.  
“Ali,” Abby said as she stood up too.  
“I’m okay, really,” Ali said as she grabbed her purse and made a bee line to the door. She walked down the empty sidewalks, trying to burn the image of Ashlyn with another woman. Although her and Ashlyn weren’t technically together anymore, and hadn’t even slept together yet, Ali couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy for the woman merely sitting next to Ashlyn Harris.  
She was fast asleep when she heard Ashlyn stumble through the door. The light flipped on as Ashlyn stripped off her clothes, and slipped on sweats. She climbed into bed, her drunken body buzzing with excitement. It hadn’t been her goal exactly to make Ali jealous, but she could tell that Ali was bothered by the sight of seeing Ashlyn with another woman.  
“You smell like her,” Ali replied as she mentally kicked herself for allowing herself to say that out loud.  
“And I think I smell a little jealousy,” Ashlyn scoffed.  
Ali whipped the covers off and angrily flipped the light on over her bed. “That’s such a cheap shot and you know it, Ashlyn. You just did that to get back at me. That was pretty shitty.”  
“Well, it’s better than getting brutally rejected in front of our friends all of the time,” Ashlyn spat.  
“That’s not fair,” Ali said as she tucked her head in between her legs.  
“None of this is fair, Ali. That’s what you don’t realize. You think I like going out with other women that aren’t you? I fucking hate it. But, I can’t just sit and wait around for you. What else am I supposed to do?”  
“Love me,” Ali said softly as she felt her heart splitting.  
Ashlyn sighed and rubbed a hand down the length of her face. “Ali, that’s never ever been the issue. That’s the only thing I know how to do, and that’s why this hurts so much.”  
“Not as much as it hurts me,” Ali said as she flipped off the light and cried herself to sleep; listening to the shallow breaths of the girl she once secretly called her own.

 

The girls entered their final day of practice as coach, Pia Sundhage, was making the final roster cuts the next day. Ashlyn was training at the end of the field with Hope, putting every ounce of energy she had into impressing her coaches and teammates. She felt like she was on top of the world as she channeled all of her frustrations and anger into making game winning plays.  
“Hey, you okay?” Hope asked as Ashlyn took a water break. Hope handed her a water bottle and Ashlyn guzzled down the cold liquid.  
“I feel great, why?” Ashlyn asked.  
“I’m just asking,” Hope said as she walked into the goal.  
Ashlyn could sense that some of her teammates were catching on to her and Ali’s tryst. She didn’t know if that made her cautious or hopeful about what she and Ali’s fate would be.  
Ali practiced her slide tackles as players tried to take shots on her. Ali was one of the best defenders in the world, and she was notorious for rarely allowing balls get past her. She performed a few clean tackles when Pia called over to her. Pia announced that she wanted all of the players to get some penalty kick practice in, placing Ashlyn as goalkeeper.  
It felt like a golf ball lodged in Ali’s throat as she got in line to perform penalty kicks against the one woman Ali had penalized enough out of lately. She watched as Ashlyn strapped on her gloves, taking last-minute advice from Hope. She positioned herself in goal, mentally noting that Ali would be the third one to kick. Abby stepped up first, giving Ashlyn the thumbs up. She powered forward, sending the ball flying high. Ashlyn exploded up as she extended her right arm, able to punch the ball over the cross bar. Hope cheered and slapped her on the back as Abby jogged to the back of the line, congratulating Ashlyn on a nice save. Ashlyn felt a sharp pain in her shoulder and she adjusted her glove.  
“Did you hurt yourself?” Hope asked as she signaled the next shooter to wait.  
“No, I’m fine. That was just a weird angle is all,” Ashlyn said, ignoring the pain in her arm and her heart.  
Carli Lloyd stepped up next. She saluted Ashlyn as she ran up to the ball, launching it right towards Ashlyn’s right side. Ashlyn leaped across the net and stretched her arm out, feeling the ball make contact. The force of the ball snapped Ashlyn’s shoulder back as the ball rolled off the field. Carli clapped and cheered as the rest of the team celebrated another great save. Ashlyn winced in pain as she collapsed on the ground. She cried out as she unfastened her glove and exposed her hand. Her shoulder felt like it had ripped right down the middle as she smacked the grass with her hand.  
“What’d you do?” Hope asked as she knelt down beside her.  
“It’s my shoulder,” Ashlyn said as she tugged on her right arm.  
Pia walked over to them along with the trainer. The rest of the team watched in anticipation, experiencing déjà vu from the last camp. Ali’s heart crumbled as she watched Ashlyn wallow in pain, wanting to so badly go up to her, but not wanting the team to think anything of it. Ali felt someone give her a little push as HAO tapped her on the shoulder.  
“Go up there,” she whispered as Ali stood frozen on the penalty kick line.  
“I can’t,” Ali said as she watched the trainer assess Ashlyn.  
“Ali,” Heather said, waving her arms up in the air.  
“I can’t, Heather,” Ali said as she put her hands on her hips. She paced half of the length of the field while the trainer escorted Ashlyn to the doctor’s office.  
Hope walked over to the players, an ill expression on her face. “Her shoulder might be torn. If it is, she’s done,” Hope said as she hung her head.  
The players cursed as they watched Ashlyn walk off the field. They knew how hard she had worked for this and felt absolutely terrible her spot on the roster was at stake for the second time. Hope looked up to see Ali and shook her head. Ali turned away from her, realizing how shitty it was of her to leave Ashlyn in her time of need.  
Pia gathered the team for a brief meeting, announcing the finalized roster would be posted on her door outside her office the next morning. The girls gathered their bags and equipment as dark clouds settled over the soccer field. The wind picked up blowing Gatorade cups across the grassy field. Ali set her bag down and looked up to the sky, the black and blue threatening to wreak havoc upon her. She grabbed her things and jogged down the opposite side of the field to the doctor’s office. The wind seemed to carry her all the way there as she barged through the door. Her cleats clicked across the tiled hallway as she walked to the examination room. She opened the door only to find that the room was empty besides a coffee mug on the table by the computer. She walked the opposite direction to the bank of doctor’s offices and found that all the rooms were abandoned. Thinking maybe Ashlyn got released early, Ali felt optimistic as she walked to the housing units. She anxiously entered her room, hoping to find Ashlyn waiting for her. Instead, she was faced with a dark, empty room. Ali dumped her bags in the middle of the room and rummaged into one of them for her cell phone. She dialed Ashlyn’s number, only to have it go to voicemail. She typed out a quick text asking her to call her ASAP and nestled into her bed to wait. Maybe Ashlyn stopped to talk to Pia Ali reasoned as time went on.  
Two hours went by and Ali still hadn’t heard from Ashlyn. She sent another text to Ashlyn and this time left a voicemail, hoping that would let Ashlyn know she was extremely worried about her. Thunder clapped loudly outside as lightening lit up the entire room. Rain pattered loudly against the small window by Ali’s bed. She was becoming sick with worry when the lights flicked off, leaving her in nothing but darkness. She fumbled for her phone, trying to find the button for the flashlight. She clicked the light on and saw a figure standing in the far side of the room. A bright streak of lightning illuminated the room to reveal Ashlyn standing before her. She was drenched from head to toe, her hair matted to the side of her face.  
“Ash,” Ali said as she dove out of bed and thrust her arms around Ashlyn’s neck.  
Ashlyn cautiously pushed Ali’s hands away, taking a step back away from her. Ali froze from Ashlyn’s withdraw. “I tore a ligament in my shoulder. I’m off the team. I already spoke with Pia,” Ashlyn said as water dripped from her clothes onto the carpet.  
Ali could smell alcohol on her breath as she spoke. “Have you been drinking?” Ali asked as she struggled to see the reaction to her question on Ashlyn’s face.  
“So what if I have?” Ashlyn said as she crossed the room to her chest of drawers. She pulled out a dry pair of clothes and started for the bathroom.  
“Ashlyn, you shouldn’t just go drink when things get rough. I was waiting here for you all night. I would have helped you.”  
Ashlyn let out a hateful laugh as she threw her clothes down on the bed. “Like you helped me out on the field today? Now you know what it’s like to wait around for somebody,” she said as she snatched her clothes and stood in the doorway of the bathroom to change.  
“I’m sorry,” Ali said, defeated.  
“It’s not your fault. It was just a bad angle is all,” Ashlyn sighed as she pulled on her shorts.  
“No, I mean for everything,” Ali said as she watched Ashlyn’s thin body move out of the bathroom.  
“I know what you meant. It’s not your fault. It doesn’t matter now anyway,” Ashlyn said as she started to pack her things early for the second time.  
“It does matter,” Ali said as she so wanted to gather Ashlyn in her arms and stay like that.  
“Ali, we’re going through the same exact thing that happened to me last time at camp. It almost destroyed me so can we not rehash it again?” Ashlyn said as she jammed clothes and hats into her suitcase.  
“It is like last time, except this time I feel like it will be for the last time,” Ali said quietly as she avoided watching Ashlyn pack.  
“Maybe that’s where our story ends then,” Ashlyn replied.  
Ali felt herself go numb as she recalled all the moments she and Ashlyn had shared in this room. All of the memories they had made with each other in such a short amount of time. “I always thought our story would have a happy ending,” Ali said as she pulled a pillow into her chest, breathing in the faint scent of Ashlyn’s shampoo.  
Ashlyn zipped her suitcase up. “I never thought our story would end.” She set her suitcase by the door and lay down on her bed, nothing but silence between her and Ali.   
Sunlight peeked through the window as Ashlyn blinked through crusty eyes. She saw Ali still asleep in her bed. Ashlyn quietly got up and shuffled to the bathroom to wash her face. Anxiety began to grow in her chest as she realized she’d have to return home in hopes of not being faced with the same situation as she encountered last time.  
She blotted her face with a towel and went back out to the room to get her suitcases. Ali was sitting up in bed, looking as if she had barely slept in days. “I wish I could stop this from happening,” Ali said as she moved to get up from the bed, but sat back down.  
“Ali,” Ashlyn sighed as she pulled a sweatshirt over her head. “Please.”  
“I can’t stand the thought of maybe never seeing you again,” Ali stammered as she got up from the bed this time.  
“Ali, please don’t do this,” Ashlyn pleaded.  
“God, Ashlyn, I just wish I could be what you need me to be. I wish so bad.”  
“I don’t need you to be anybody but who you are with me, Ali,” Ashlyn said as she cupped Ali’s face with her hand. “And for the life of me I can’t figure out why you don’t want to be her.”  
Ashlyn picked up her suitcase and forced a smile at Ali. “Some story huh?” She walked out of the room, not bothering to close it behind her.  
Ali stood in silence as she took in the empty room. She walked to the door and peered down the hallway seeing that Ashlyn was already gone. She closed the door shut, only to open it back up ever so slightly. A small crack of light filtered into the room. Something inside of her told her that this story wasn’t finished. The chapter was completed, but Ali refused to put the book down for good this time.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash and Ali both make huge leaps in their careers as the 2012 olympic training camp continues.

The waves were ferocious as Ashlyn stood on the shore, watching the other surfers in the distance. She walked out to the water, stepping on seashells and tiny pebbled rocks as she waded into the shallow water. The gleaming salt water was still a little chilly causing goose bumps to dot Ashlyn’s arms. She inhaled deeply as she rolled onto her surfboard. It was smooth and comforting from having been waxed just hours before. Ashlyn considered it a second bed on days that her mind was restless. She paddled out into the middle of the saline ocean, careful not to swallow the water. She sat up on the board taking in the sun that was starting to set. The light pink reminded Ashlyn of the color of Ali’s t-shirt she would wear to bed. The fierce red shot Ashlyn back to that night at the bar, when she saw the same color in Ali’s eyes. The faint yellow mirrored that of the paint on the walls in the room in which they shared more than just a bed.   
Ashlyn tucked the loose strands of her tangled hair behind her ear as she waited for the next round of waves. Several young people her age sat on their own board out in the open beside her. They all nodded as the water started to chop. Ashlyn could see the mountain of waves ahead of her. She quickly lay back down on her board, paddling rapidly. She could see the other people around her doing the same. She felt her arms burn with each stroke through the treacherous water. She could see a large shadow cast over her as she prepared to transition to a standing position. She shifted her feet so that now she was balancing on the board, the waves curling around her. She leaned back and watched as her board sliced right through the wave, making Ashlyn feel her body buzz with adrenaline. She leaned to the side to try to ride the rest of the wave when the surfer next to her crashed into her knocking them both off their boards. Ashlyn choked on the harsh salt water as she was pulled under. As she sank deeper into the ocean she noticed that her ankle bracelet attached to her surfboard had ripped, forcing her to part ways with her only lifeline at the moment. She tumbled through the dark depths of the water, seaweed wrapping around her calves. She flailed her arms violently, trying to make her body rise quicker to the surface. She could feel her lungs burning as she struggled to maintain holding her breath. She kicked her legs cursing herself for never doing enough squats and calve raises. She could see the sun dipping below the horizon as she popped out of the water, gasping for air. She looked around the ocean in a panic hoping the person thought made them crash was alright. Ashlyn could see a young man sitting on his surfboard, hands on his hips as he struggled to catch his breath. She swam over to him as he turned to face her.  
“I’m so sorry about that. Sometimes I just forget that I’m not alone out here,” he apologized as he let out a little chuckle. “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m alright.” Ashlyn paused for a moment before saying more. While most people would have been pissed that they got plowed into while enjoying a beauty of a wave, Ashlyn understood what he was saying. She knew what it was like to come out to the ocean and just forget that everything exists. Sometimes she did just forget that bad things could still happen to her even when surrounded by paradise. All of a sudden, she was beginning to understand how Ali was feeling. When she was with Ali, she felt like they were on a completely different universe than everyone else entirely. Nothing else mattered in those moments. She knew that Ali felt the same way too, how easy it was to get caught up in the beauty of the private world she had created with someone. But, she was starting to understand why Ali was so scared, why she behaved the way she did that night at the bar. She was scared that she was beginning to forget that she and Ash weren’t the only ones in the world. And she was terrified of the world they shared colliding with her own. Ashlyn only knew all this, because she too was frightened by the same thing.

Ashlyn came through the back door of the house sweaty and exhausted as she kicked off her shoes. She dumped the soccer ball she was carrying in a chair by the door and walked through the smoky kitchen, her mother’s pack of camels on the kitchen table. She reached into the refrigerator for a bottle of water when her cell phone began to ring. Ashlyn padded to the counter on the opposite end of the room, a surge of excitement at the possibility of who the caller was. She leaned over the counter seeing that she didn’t recognize the number flashing across the light blue screen. She picked the phone up, holding it like a bomb she was about to diffuse. She opened the phone and held it to her ear, pausing shortly before she said anything.  
“Hello?” She said, biting her lower lip as she waited to see who the mystery caller was.  
“Hello, is this Ashlyn Harris?” A deep, male voice answered at the other end, causing Ashlyn to immediately let out the gulp of air she had been holding in.  
“Yes it is, who is this?” She asked as she pulled out a chair to sit at the table.  
“Ashlyn, my name is Dan Borislow, could I have a few moments of your time?”  
Ashlyn smiled as she switched the phone to her other ear. “Alright, what are you selling now? Electric recliners, self-making pasta, which is it?” Ashlyn taunted as she recalled the prank calls she and Chris took part of throughout their childhood.  
Dan laughed at the other end, snickering loudly into Ashlyn’s ear. “Actually, Ashlyn, I want you to do the selling for me. I’m the owner and CEO of the newly formed Women’s Professional Soccer League, how’d you like to sell tickets for me?”   
Ashlyn jolted up in her chair as her jaw dropped. “Wait, you mean, I’m being picked up, by a professional soccer league?” She pinched herself to ensure she wasn’t dreaming as her heart started to pound with exhilaration.   
“That’s right, Ashlyn. We’d like to offer you a spot with the Washington Freedom, what do you say?”  
Ashlyn gently put the phone down on the table as she pumped both fists in the air. Her dreams of becoming a famous soccer star were finally being put into motion. “I say hell yes!”

Ashlyn talked to Dan for nearly two hours, discussing salaries, monthly schedules, and her potential role on the team. She finished the conversation and clicked the phone shut and immediately flipped it back open, scrolling through her contacts list. She found Ali’s name at the top and clicked the call button above her name on the screen. Snapping herself back into reality, Ashlyn slammed the phone shut. She sat in silence as she felt how painful it was to want Ali to be standing next to her when something major happened in her life. However, feeling unusually optimistic and adventurous after her meeting with Dan, Ashlyn opened the phone back up. She scrolled back to Ali’s name and let her finger hover above the faded delete button, worn due to all the other people Ashlyn was forced to forget about. She clicked the delete button and watched as Ali disappeared from her phone, and her life.

 

Ashlyn flew back and forth from Florida to Washington, D.C. as she attended practices for her new career. While she was one of the youngest members on the team, she still outshone many of the well experienced players. Her coach kept telling her she had a chance at a starting position if she kept up her hard work.  
Feeling fulfilled and productive from her last practice, Ashlyn enjoyed the silence as she sat in the cab that was taking her home for the weekend. She folded her leg under her as she stared out the window. Junior high school aged kids rode on long-boards along the sidewalk, riding in packs of long hair and freedom. Palm trees lined the residential streets as the streetlights flicked on, warning the children what time they needed to be home for dinner. The skate park was full of teenagers as they all sat atop the half pipe laughing and sharing stories.   
The cab rounded a sharp corner and Ashlyn could see her neighborhood coming into view. Little pink houses dotted the streets as the cab pulled into her driveway. She got out and was greeted by the warm air, considerably warmer than the strong winds of D.C. She got her suitcase from the trunk of the car and slipped the cab driver a wad of cash and a big smile. She was actually happy to be home for once. She watched the cab drive off as she walked to the back door, crickets harmonizing with each of her steps. She swung the door open and dropped her suitcase off in the laundry room.  
“Hey, guys, I’m home,” Ashlyn shouted as she walked to the kitchen. It was dark as she could see a glow from the TV in the living room. She shuffled to the living room and froze in her tracks. Her dad was sitting on the couch with her mom. He had dark circles under his eyes that were coupled with a graying, scraggly beard. His once thick, dark hair was stringy and limp. He was wearing his usual attire, faded blue jeans and a white t-shirt stained with grease. He got up from the couch, taking tiny steps towards Ashlyn. He stopped as he took a moment to take a good look at his daughter. He noticed how she now looked like a damaged woman, and not the young, innocent girl he left behind. “Ashlyn, it’s so good to see you,” he said as his eyes welled with tears.  
“Even after almost a year,” she said grudgingly.   
He took a few steps closer and reached out his arm to touch his broken daughter. He grabbed her left arm and ran his fingers along her tattoo, admiring how bold his daughter had always been. He looked up into her eyes realizing she was almost as tall as him. He burst into tears as he lunged for his estranged daughter. He gathered her into his frail arms and saw his tears plop onto her neck, mixing with her own. “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m home now. We’re home.” 

Summer 2003  
Ashlyn adjusted the volume on her stereo as the screams of her parents echoed down the hallway. She could hear glass shattering as Ashlyn closed her eyes and wished that she had a travel machine to transport her to anywhere but here. Suddenly curious as to what her parents were fighting about tonight, she got on all fours and crawled to the door, putting her ear up against it.  
“I come home after a long night of working, something you never seem to do, and I have to deal with your drunken shit! You do nothing for this family!” Ashlyn’s father yelled.  
“Fuck you, Mike. If you’re so miserable then why don’t you just fucking leave?” Her mother shouted as Ashlyn heard more glass shattering.  
There was utter silence as Ashlyn heard soft footsteps walk towards the hallway. She jumped when she heard the door to her parent’s bedroom fly open. She heard a zipping of a bag as the footsteps trudged back out into the hallway.  
“You want me gone? Fine! It’s not like I ever want to be here anyway,” her father screamed as he crossed to the front door and slammed it in the same breath.   
Ashlyn could feel the house shake with fury as she scampered to the window in her bedroom. She watched through a double window pane her father climb into his beat up Ford and blast it out of the driveway, knocking over the trash cans along the curb. She could see dark smoke come out of the exhaust as he shifted the truck, zooming down the street. Ashlyn could only see the faint glow of red tail lights as the billowing smoke started to suffocate her.

 

Olympic Training Camp Continues For Ali  
Ali was beginning to gain heavy media attention ever since her spectacular performance during the World Cup. She was being invited on talk shows, sports news shows, to speak to colleges and high schools. She would oftentimes see her face plastered on the city bus or in sports commercials. Her rise to soccer stardom was suddenly beginning to feel exceptionally real.  
She was standing in the grocery store line waiting to checkout while shoppers swarmed around her. She impulsively grabbed a pack of gum and transferred the shopping basket she was holding to her other arm. She moved forward in line when she spotted a magazine with a famous celebrity on the cover. Underneath the picture there was a caption rhetorically questioning who the celebrities lovers were, naming potential prospects the celebrity had been seen with.  
Ali’s eyes darted around the room as she wondered if anybody had recognized her yet. She was starting to get spotted out in public, hounded for autographs and pictures. She watched the shoppers zip in and out aisles, busy mothers jogging with their carts to the checkout. Teenagers glanced into their phones while they browsed the candy aisle close to her. She breathed a sigh of relief, hoping to get out of the store before anyone did recognize her. She was suddenly recounting all of the times she and Ashlyn had gone out together in public. The times she thought they were in privacy when they might not have been. She presented an image to herself of her face on a famous magazine, the headlines hypothesizing if the tall blonde woman often in Ali Krieger’s presence was her girlfriend. Ali imagined her mom or dad picking up a copy of a magazine with questions in bold ink asking if their daughter was gay. Flashes of the team filtered into her vision as she tried to block out what Pia would think upon reading something like that.  
Suddenly feeling trapped, Ali set her basket of things down and mentally counted how many steps she was away from the front entrance. She pushed past the people behind her in line, zig zagging her way out of the checkout. She rounded the tight corner around the checkout counter when she slammed into a middle aged man wearing a USA soccer jersey.  
“Sorry,” she murmured as she tried to push past him.  
“Hey, you’re Ali Krieger! Do you think I could get an autograph?” He asked as he proudly grabbed a pen from the counter and waved it in front of her.  
Ali could see the people in the checkout lines turning to look at her. Several of them started smiling and waving, slowly getting out of line to greet the newly recognized celebrity.  
“I’m actually in a hurry,” Ali said as she backed away. She felt like she was in a nightmare as the people closed in around her, refusing her attempt to flee.  
She turned to the entrance doors and started running out of the store, the automatic doors swallowing her whole as she rushed to the parking lot. She sprinted to her car and started the engine with shaking hands. The engine awoke to life as she noticed that no one had followed her outside. She was safe. She had escaped this time. Not wanting to take any chances though, she shifted into drive and whizzed out of the parking lot, silently praying she’d never be noticed again.


	20. Chapter 20

Ashlyn gained a starting position with the Washington Freedom only to be traded to New York’s professional team. While she was enthusiastic about the trade a part of her was dreading of going through the process of having to meet all her new teammates and adjust to a new city.  
She flipped the TV on in her one bedroom apartment in downtown Rochester, New York as she unpacked her belongings. She was planning on staying in Florida during most of her downtime so she was thankful she didn’t have much to unpack while moving this time. She hung clothes up in her closet as she heard a commercial for the USA women’s soccer team being announced on the screen. Ashlyn peeked from out of the closet to see a series of her former teammates’ pictures flicker across the screen. She turned to stone when she saw Ali’s picture come to life before her. Ashlyn melted at the sight of Ali’s chocolate brown eyes, the way her hair curled at the ends. Her smile lit Ashlyn up from the inside out. Ashlyn finished watching the commercial to see that the team would be playing in Rochester the coming weekend for a pair of friendly matches.  
Ashlyn’s stomach flip flopped as she thought of the idea of her and Ali together again in the same city. She pushed the thought aside as she continued to hang her clothes up. She pulled sheets out from her suitcase and fit them to her mattress. Visions of her and Ali rolling around in the bed together flooded Ashlyn’s memory as she smoothed out the sheets on what used to be Ali’s side of the bed. She imagined her and Ali at the coffee shop down the street, meeting to catch up on what has happened in their lives since their hiatus. Ashlyn suddenly hated herself for feeling such thoughts. She knew Ali had moved on. She hadn’t heard from her since that final day in camp. Ashlyn was tired of caring about people that had long since forgotten about her. And with that, she pulled Ali’s black number 11 t-shirt out of the closet and wadded it up to toss under her bed. It was time she started to forget about the world’s most beloved soccer defender. Because while she was protecting the goal for her country, she failed to protect the keeper of her heart.

Ali sat in the airport along with the rest of the team, awaiting a long flight to Rochester, New York. She absentmindedly thumbed through her copy of Sports Illustrated when the TV next to her clicked on. The Rochester City News came on, announcing the hot topics in current events. Ali checked her watch as the weather man popped on the screen, relaying information about cold fronts and storm cells. The flight still had another hour before take- off so Ali decided to venture around the airport and stretch her legs. She grabbed her purse and walked along the shiny floors of the busy airport. She bought a bagel at a coffee stand and recited Ashlyn’s regular order to herself. She winced at the couple in the coffee shop, holding hands and laughing hysterically as they sat at a table in the corner of the shop. Ali recalled the many tables she had shared with Ashlyn, enjoying her dimpled smile as she took short sips out of her coffee cup.  
Ali found a plastic bench outside a souvenir shop and sat in the middle of it hoping to deter anyone from sitting next to her. She unwrapped the plastic around her bagel and took a bite, feeling the stiff bread shred apart. She ate the dry bagel and stayed cautious of the people around her. Public places were beginning to give her major anxiety, especially after the incident at the grocery store. Airports were one of the worst places for Ali to be. She had started dreading flying anywhere because of the increasing opportunity for people to recognize her. She finished the bagel and found a trash can across the way to throw away the wrapper. She sauntered over to the trash can when she saw another TV come on in the shop right next to her. The commercial was advertising the newly formed WPS, boasting its players across the screen. Ali held her breath as she saw an illustration of Ashlyn on the screen. It was an action shot, highlighting her leaping across the screen for one of her most outstanding saves of the season so far. Ali smiled as she saw the fierce look on Ashlyn’s face, completely fearless of anything coming after her. Ali always wished she would have had the same fearlessness.  
The TV showed a slideshow of a few more players followed by the schedule of the leading team in the league, the Western New York Flash, Ashlyn’s team. Ali forced herself to look at the schedule, cursing as she saw that the flash would be in Rochester while team USA played their games. Wanting to punch the TV for giving her way too much information, she walked back to her original seat and counted how many hours it would be until she and Ashlyn were in the same city, indirectly reunited once again.

The stands were packed with cheering fans as the Western New York Flash stormed the field. The sun was replaced by a complete black sky as the chilly wind settled in the stadium. The band in the bleachers played loudly as Ashlyn ran along the length of the field, waving to fans as she passed. Even though her legs were freezing and she could feel her body shivering, she was ready to warm the crowd up with action. She finished her entrance lap and ran to the far side of the field to warm up with the goalkeepers. She was finishing her drills when she accidently kicked the ball too hard sending it sailing out into the crowd. Ashlyn cursed as she jogged over to the stands. She leaped over the short fence separating the field from the stands and held her arms up, palms open.  
“Here you go, Ashlyn!” A young girl shouted as she weakly threw the ball to Ashlyn. Lacking momentum, the ball bobbled a few feet in front of Ashlyn, making her have to practically reach into the stands to retrieve it. “Sorry, Ashlyn, I’m not very good at throwing,” the girl apologized, obviously embarrassed.  
Ashlyn smiled at the preciousness of the young girl. She couldn’t have been any older than seven or eight years old, sporting a USA women’s soccer jersey, and Western New York Flash sweatpants, Ashlyn’s number printed on the right leg of the fabric. Her strawberry blonde hair was in pigtails and she was missing one of her front teeth. Freckles spotted her gentle face as she looked at Ashlyn with awe. Ashlyn hopped over the stadium railing, bringing the soccer ball with her.  
“What’s your name?” Ashlyn asked as she stuck out her glove for a handshake.  
“Maggie, and I’m playing for a soccer team right now. We’re really good!” The girl spouted as she smiled from ear to ear, pumping the thumb of Ashlyn’s glove with her small hand.  
Ashlyn laughed as she asked somebody nearby for a pen. “What position do you play?” she asked as she watched the girl’s eyes light up.  
“I’m a defender, but I’d love to play goalkeeper. My best friend is a goalkeeper on my team and she’s awesome,” Maggie said as she smiled proudly.  
Ashlyn forced a smile as her heart shattered into jagged little pieces. While she missed the romantic part of things with Ali, there was nothing she missed more than their friendship. She missed how they used to be on the same team, both on the field and in life. Nothing was more satisfying than looking to see her very best friend beside her. “Keep kicking butt on the field and I hope to see you out here one day,” Ashlyn said as she signed the soccer ball and handed it to Maggie.  
Maggie gingerly took the ball as if it was a grenade that she just discovered was a dud. “Thank you so much!” Maggie said as she threw her arms around Ashlyn. Ashlyn put her arms around the little girl and lifted her off the ground. She could feel the smooth lettering on the back of her jersey, tracing the number 11 with her hands. She set the girl down and smiled before hopping back over the railing, back onto the field. Her hands felt as if she just touched an open flame as that was the closest she had gotten to touching Ali for the past several months.

 

Ali sank into her seat, pulling the baseball cap she was wearing down over her eyes. Even though it was nighttime she still wore dark sunglasses, hoping no one would be able to recognize her for the entire night. The wind bit at her cheeks as she zipped her jacket up to her chin. Kickoff was just about to start and Ali couldn’t keep her eyes off of Ashlyn. She saw that Ashlyn had put on some muscle, her abdominal muscles poking through her tight, black shirt. Her arms were thick and sturdy as she pushed herself up from the ground after a diving save. Ali wanted to cry in seeing her delicate face, her prominent cheek bones and puppy dog eyes. Ashlyn had always reminded her of a puppy, innocent and sweet, but able to protect herself if need be.  
The whistle blew for the game to start and Ashlyn couldn’t help but stare into the crowds as she watched her team move up field. She knew it was a long shot that Ali would be there, but was still hopeful as she watched her team score the first goal of the game. Ashlyn cheered as she threw her fists up into the air. If Ali was there, Ashlyn wanted her to know that while she had been guarding the net, she had been guarding Ali’s heart too, willing to do whatever it takes to keep her safe, even if that meant sacrificing herself.  
The WNY Flash took the field after half-time, leading 4-0. Ashlyn had made eight saves, keeping her team undefeated so far this season. Her coaches patted her on the back as she stepped back out onto the field. Camera flashes blinded her as she walked to her position in front of the net. She could remember all the times she imagined this very moment while she laid down to sleep at night, praying that one day all eyes would be on her. Reporters furiously wrote notes down on their paper pads as Ashlyn strapped on her gloves and signaled that she was ready; hoping that one day Ali would be too.  
The crowd in the stadium had already dispersed as the rest of the Flash packed up their belongings. They had won 6-0 with Ashlyn receiving the player of the game award. She finished talking to reporters and analysis’s as she stuffed her equipment into her gym bag. She took pictures with a few fans and signed a handful of t-shirts and soccer balls. While the team was beginning to filter out of the stadium, Ashlyn re-tied her boot laces and strapped on her gloves. She walked out to the middle of the field and lay down in the middle, the damp grass soaking into the back of her shirt.  
“Hey, you need to get up. I need to close the stadium,” a brawny man in a blue jumpsuit said.  
“Is it alright if I stay?” Ashlyn asked as she made no attempt to get up.  
“Do you know another way out of here?” The man asked as he looked at her with a puzzled expression.  
“I’ll turn the lights off when I leave,” Ashlyn scoffed. She put her hands behind her head and looked up into the night sky, counting all the stars that littered the darkness.  
“Suit yourself,” the man said as he walked to the maintenance office.  
Ashlyn breathed in the sweet scent of victory as she replayed the crowd’s cheers in her mind. She smiled upon playing back the incredible saves she had made, the attention she received for playing an outstanding game. She sat up and brushed the grass off of her, pulling her socks up to her knees. She made sure the maintenance man was out of sight as she slowly started jogging around the outside of the field, the dirt track hard and dusty. She ran a few laps and then stopped on the track on the midfield line.  
“And now, introducing to youuuuu, the best goalkeeper in the worldddddd, Ashlyn Harissssss.” Ashlyn hooted across the field as she gave high fives to the imaginary players on the pitch. She ran as hard as she could to the edge of the field and slid, burning the side of her leg as it scratched the surface of the turf. She fell on her back and started laughing hysterically at all the times she made Chris pretend to announce her like that while they played in their backyard.  
A voice startled her back to reality. “I didn’t think you’d need any more attention than what you got tonight.”  
Ashlyn struggled to her feet as she heard the familiar voice just inches from her. She wiped the dirt off of her as she watched Ali take off her sunglasses.  
“Why did you wear sunglasses to a night game?” Ashlyn asked, incredibly confused.  
“That’s the first thing you’re going to say to me?” Ali asked as she let out a half laugh, half sigh.  
“Better than what the last thing I said was.” Ashlyn hung her head, her mind swamped with the painful memories of their last encounter.  
“Ash,”  
“I was wondering if you’d be here. I kept feeling like you were,” Ashlyn said as she looked into Ali’s eyes for the first time in months, wanting to burn them in her memory forever.  
“You played incredible,” Ali said as her eyes spoke of a thousand apologies.  
“Thank you. Thank you for coming,” Ashlyn said as she was hesitant to let the conversation go any further. “I’m going to finish some drills so I’ll maybe see you around.” She faintly smiled at Ali before she walked to the opposite side of the field, but not before seeing Ali’s face crumble before her eyes.  
Ashlyn kept walking, forcing herself not to turn back. She got to the goal and saw out of the corner of her eye that Ali was gone. Ashlyn rubbed her eyes in disbelief as she spotted her over by Ashlyn’s gym bag, pulling out a grey t-shirt. She watched Ali peel off her sweater and slide on Ashlyn’s t-shirt.  
“What the hell are you doing?” Ashlyn yelled as she raised her arms in bewilderment. She wondered if Ali had gone as mad as she had during their time apart.  
Ali ignored her as she continued to delve into Ashlyn’s bag. She retrieved a pair of shorts and quickly dropped her jeans to her ankles as she slipped the shorts on. Ashlyn blushed at the sight of Ali’s red, lace thong. She was starting to feel light headed. Ali kicked off her shoes and stuffed her feet into Ashlyn’s spare set of cleats, lacing up the black laces. She tromped over to Ashlyn tying her hair into a bun along the way. Ashlyn felt like she was running out of breath as she watched Ali in her natural habitat.  
“I’ll play you,” Ali said tensely as she kicked a soccer ball towards Ashlyn.  
“Wait what?” Ashlyn asked as her eyebrows turned into little arches above her milky brown eyes.  
“I’ll play you. I’ll take three shots, you take three shots. Whoever scores the most wins,” Ali said as she put her hands on her hips.  
“Wait, so let me get this straight, you’re going to get in the goal while I shoot? Ali, you’ve never even played goalkeeper in your life. What is this about?”  
“Do you want to shoot first or do you want me to?” Ali looked sternly at Ashlyn, letting her know she was serious.  
Ashlyn felt the wind pick up as it circled around them. The lights in the stadium seemed to shine brighter as the sky darkened even more. Ashlyn saw the trash piled up along the perimeter of the field, the discarded plastic cups and paper programs, evidence of the excitement that took place just hours before. Ashlyn sighed as she stared back at Ali, trying desperately to see what her ploy was. Even though Ashlyn was exhausted from just playing in a 90 minute game, Ali silently pleaded with her to play this game, neither of them with the home court advantage.  
Ashlyn rolled the ball to Ali and settled herself in the net. She watched Ali count her steps as she measured the placement of the penalty kick spot.  
“You know I’m the best at saving penalty kicks, right?” Ashlyn called out to her as Ali warmed up her hands.  
Ali ignored her as she blew warm air onto her knuckles, rubbing her hands together. She set the ball down and rolled it side to side with her foot, warming up her lower leg muscles. She bent over to stretch and rolled her head in a circle. She saw Ashlyn standing in the goal, lazily taking position.  
“Are you ready?” Ali yelled as she cupped her mouth with her hands.  
Ashlyn nodded, clearly annoyed. She jumped up and down twice, concentrating on the bright green soccer ball. Ali took a step back and swung herself forward with her arms, the side of her foot slicing the bottom of the soccer ball. Ashlyn could see the ball coming in quick as she put her arms up. She watched it slam into the middle crossbar, and ricochet off of the field.  
“That’s 0-1,” Ashlyn announced as she ran to retrieve the soccer ball.  
Ali cursed under her breath as she stomped one foot into the ground. Ashlyn returned with the ball, punting it towards Ali. “What are you trying to prove?” Ashlyn yelled, her face laced with anger.  
“Just get in the goal,” Ali snapped back as she made sure to take an extra step back this time. Ashlyn signaled she was ready and she exploded, her feet acting like dynamite. She unleashed a powerful shot right to Ashlyn, the ball blasting right into Ashlyn’s gut. Ashlyn grunted loudly as she held the ball in front of her stomach, much like a gunshot victim covers his wound. A pained expression stained her face as she let the ball roll off of her hands as she lifted up her shirt. An excruciating bruise blossomed right above her bellybutton, her skin screaming underneath with dark hues of black and blue. Ali gasped as she realized what she had just done. She put her hand over her mouth as she started to walk towards Ashlyn. Ashlyn quickly put her shirt down and motioned for Ali to return to the penalty kick spot.  
“I’m fine,” Ashlyn said and calmly kicked the ball to Ali. She waited for Ali to place the ball and signaled she was ready, seemingly unaffected by the hard shot she took.  
Ali tried to predict which direction she should shoot as she watched Ashlyn swaying side to side in the net. The white rope in the back of the net blended in with Ashlyn’s hair, the smell of her shampoo intoxicating Ali. Ali was breathless at how stunning she looked under the bright lights of the stadium. She seemed to glow with confidence, rawness, honesty; all traits Ali wished she had. The world seemed to stop around her as she felt her vision go blurry with tears. She didn’t know what game she was playing anymore. All she knew was that she wanted to be on the same side as Ashlyn. She cried out as she catapulted the ball with all her might. She watched Ashlyn stand motionless as the ball went soaring over the net and into the stands, landing with a loud thump against the metal bleachers. Ashlyn stood frozen in the goal, simply staring at Ali. Her eyes demanded an explanation as she maintained her stare.

“Alright, you just have to make one now,” Ali said as she walked to trade places with Ashlyn. Ashlyn didn’t move from her position.  
Ashlyn stood baffled, watching Ali extend her hand out. Ashlyn backed away as if she was offering a poisonous spider. “Ali, what are you doing? Why are we doing this?” The desperation in Ashlyn’s voice thickened as she locked her eyes on Ali’s.  
“Give me your gloves,” Ali said as she kept her hand floating in between the two of them, an island between two worlds that used to be one.  
“Ali,” Ashlyn whispered as she watched the tears spill over Ali’s heavy eye liner.  
“Give me your gloves, Ash. It’s my turn to defend and protect now.” She used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes as she watched Ash un-strap the gloves, adjusting them to fit Ali’s hands. She handed them to Ali, her peace offering in hopes Ali would tell her what in the hell was going on. Ali fastened the gloves, feeling the warmth of Ashlyn’s hands that had occupied them before. It was the closest thing she had experienced to holding Ashlyn’s hand in months. She positioned herself in goal, trying to picture how Ash set up her stance.  
“We don’t have to do this,” Ashlyn spoke as she turned to face Ali, a plea to mutually surrender.  
“Take your shot,” Ali commanded as she squatted down low, stretching her legs for the jumps she would need to compete with Ashlyn’s height advantage in making saves.  
Ashlyn shook her head as she tried desperately to understand what kind of point Ali was making. She tapped the soccer ball to put it in place as she watched Ali in the goal. Ashlyn couldn’t help but laugh to herself at the sight of Ali playing as a goalkeeper. She looked like a wounded animal, not knowing where to anticipate the next attack. Ashlyn brought her leg back and fired a weak shot that bounced off of the right goal post.  
Ali smacked the goal post as she rolled the ball back to Ashlyn. “Fucking play, Ashlyn. Bring it,” she said as she clenched her teeth.  
Ashlyn could tell that she was serious about whatever was going on and wanted Ashlyn to match her level of seriousness. Feeling fired up from Ali’s demand to give it all she’s got, Ashlyn exploded from her standpoint, feeling like a runner at the sound of the stun gun. She used her left foot to blast a ball to the upper right hand corner, out of Ali’s reach. Ali dove to the left side of the net, knowing the ball had already swished through. She landed hard on the ground as she was met with a face full of dirt. She could see Ashlyn’s expressionless face across the field.  
“Shoot again!” Ali roared as she got to her feet. She rolled the ball to Ashlyn, Ashlyn using her toe to flip up the ball to catch it.  
“Ali, stop,” Ashlyn said in an even tone as she watched Ali’s face rush with tears.  
“Shoot it, Ash. Just please shoot. Make me take the shots for once,” Ali’s voice cracked as she sank to her knees. Ashlyn set the soccer ball down and made the trek over to Ali. She sat down in the dirt beside her, cautious not to touch her just yet.  
“Ali, talk to me, please,” Ashlyn said soothingly, her words lacing around Ali’s scrunched body, holding her together until she could mend herself.  
“Sometimes, I don’t like watching you in the goal. I just see you take shot after shot after shot and you still get back in there every time. You’ve always made the save for me, and I wish so bad I could have done the same for you.” Her explanation came out in short sobs as she wiped her face with the sleeve of Ashlyn’s t-shirt.  
“You know I’d take any shot for you,” Ashlyn said as her throat knotted.  
“I don’t want you to have to all the time though, Ash. You know, we’ve been told on these fields all our lives that you can’t play good soccer without both offense and defense. They’re both vital in winning soccer games, no one more important than the other. What I never realized though is that you need both in loving someone too. I want to start protecting now, do the saving for once. For once, I want to be the one to be able to take all these shots and still face the world right after it.” Ali was offering more than she had ever offered Ashlyn in their entire time knowing each other. She was not only offering her words, but the raw truth, authenticity, a realness Ashlyn had never seen in anyone before.  
“And I don’t want you to be afraid of pushing me or challenging me to accept myself. I need you to be able to take shots, too, even if they are at me,” she continued. “And I think we have a lot of work to do on ourselves before we get to that point.  
Ashlyn was moved to silence. She had never experienced a moment of pure honesty like that with anyone her entire life. Although incredibly empowered by Ali’s words, Ashlyn was still hesitant about the future of their relationship. She knew she couldn’t continue a relationship if Ali continued to reject her, and Ali knew she couldn’t continue things with Ashlyn if she continued to reject her. They both felt like the pawns in a battle that would never declare a winner.  
“So, that’s why I’ve decided to sign with a football team in Germany after the Olympics this summer,” Ali said matter of fact.  
“You’re doing what?” Ashlyn asked as she stood up to make sure she had heard Ali correctly.  
“I’m moving to Germany after the national season,” She repeated, hating the taste of the words just as much as the sound of them.  
“Wow, when did you decide this?” Ashlyn asked as she started pacing in between the goal.  
“Just a few weeks ago, I’ve been thinking it over for a few months now.”  
“And you didn’t think to tell me?” Ashlyn hissed, anger bubbling in her eyes.  
“I’m torn to pieces to tell you, Ashlyn. I can’t stand the thought of being in a different state from you, let alone a different continent. But, I need to do this. I need to figure things out so we can quit doing this. I think you need to figure some things out too.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ashlyn asked as she raised her voice.  
“I just mean you’ve got some things you can work on, too. Like maybe your excessive partying and drinking,” Ali said as her voice trailed off.  
“You have no idea what I do anymore, Ali,” Ashlyn shot back.  
Ali lowered her eyes, smirking at Ashlyn, for she knew better. “Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, Ash. I know better.”  
“Oh whatever, Ali! You know, I’m single, I’m young, I like to have fun, sue me okay? You’re so dramatic sometimes. I cannot believe we’re going through this bullshit, again!”  
“See, that’s another thing, you’re aggressive. You need to learn how to not attack people all the time. It really turns people off,” Ali countered back, the pain in their hearts fueling the intensity of their words to each other.  
“Well, at least I don’t lead my best friend on, act like a horny freak when we’re alone, and then brutally reject me in front of everyone we know on a constant basis,” Ashlyn fired. She knew she had gone too far when Ali’s face turned a deep crimson.  
She twitched the sides of her mouth to keep from crying as she shook her head and silently walked to the side of the field towards Ashlyn’s duffel bag. She stripped off Ashlyn’s extra set of clothes and left them in a heap by the bag. She pulled on her clothes, and let her hair loose from its elastic band. She dropped one of Ashlyn’s gloves on the ground, the orange block letters that read, “Harris” holding the weight of everything she couldn’t say. She picked one of the gloves up, running her hand over the stitched lettering. She held it up to her heart, hoping to spill the rest of her secrets in silence to Ash, sealing them shut the next time she strapped it on. She watched a tear fall onto the thumb of the glove as she dropped it to the ground, this time on purpose. How was she ever supposed to defend Ashlyn’s heart if she was too scared to defend even her own?  
Ashlyn refused to let Ali walk away from her again. She waited almost an hour after she left before she gathered her things. The cruel wind bit at her ears and nose as she pulled a jacket on over her uniform. She dug through her bag and replaced her shorts with sweatpants. She slung her bag over her shoulder and walked to power unit to kill the lights. She let her hand drift above the big red button, taking a mental image of the very last place of where she would see Ali Krieger for a very long time. She pressed the button and watched as the lights slowly dimmed on the field, and everything she once shared with Ali.  
Ashlyn scaled the chain linked fence that surrounded the stadium, creating a distance from the city streets beyond. She felt like a monkey as she strategically placed her hands and feet in the right places to climb the sharp, metal fence. She reached the top and swung her leg over the side, preparing for a long jump. She landed on her feet and crossed the street to the neon lights outside the downtown bars, the only place that seemed to welcome her tonight.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn has an interesting encounter with a fellow young woman while Ali is invited on DC's morning show.

Ashlyn rolled down the sidewalk on her long-board, the warm breeze blowing through her hair. She could taste the salt in the air from the nearby ocean as she navigated through side streets and alleys. She was home for a few weeks before post season began for the WPS. She crossed the street to return home when a car pulled out right in front of her. Ashlyn jumped from the board, a meek attempt to leap over the car. The hood of the car struck her in the middle as she rolled on the pavement. She could hear the brakes screech to a stop as the car was thrown into park. Ashlyn rolled to her feet, squatting in front of the car. She assessed that she had a few bruises and a cut on her left elbow, but that was the extent of her injuries. While most people would have been scared shitless by an incident like that, Ashlyn felt adrenaline course through her veins. These were the kind of thrills she had always pursued. A young girl frantically got out of the car, her cell phone to her ear.  
“Oh my god, are you okay?” She asked as she slammed her cell phone shut upon seeing that Ashlyn was alive.  
“Where’d you learn how to drive?” Ashlyn snorted as she searched around for her long board.  
“Apparently where you learned to skateboard,” the girl shot back as she considered the young woman before her. She scanned Ashlyn up and down, taking in her loose denim joggers, the black t-shirt that exposed her toned arm muscles and unique tattoos. She marveled at how beautiful the girl’s face was. Her sharp cheekbones were vibrant and soft, reminding her of an innocent child. Her chestnut brown eyes matched her tanned skin, making her light blonde hair glow in the hot, Florida sun. She had never seen a girl like her before.  
Ashlyn was speechless as the girl who made her do an epic barrel roll fired back, possessing the same amount of sass Ashlyn had. “For the record, I was long boarding, not skateboarding. There’s a big difference.” Ashlyn playfully winked as she retrieved her long board from a nearby bush. She tried not to stare at the girl’s chest as she noticed her white, low cut top, revealing a light pink lacy bra. Cleavage spilled out of the shirt, her skin faintly kissed by the sun. Her ripped denim jeans hugged her backside causing Ashlyn’s face to flood with heat. Her light brown hair had streaks of pink and purple, earrings dotted her entire left earlobe. Her eyes were as blue as the ocean water, inviting and fresh. Ashlyn simply couldn’t help but notice how attractive she was. She hadn’t even formally met this girl and Ashlyn was already undeniably intrigued by her. Feeling adventurous at the newcomer before her, Ashlyn grabbed her board and walked back over to the girl.  
“Sounds like I’ll just have to teach you how to do it then,” she said as she gave the girl a sly smile.  
The girl laughed as she turned her head away, the calm wind blowing the loose strands of hair swiftly around her face. Ashlyn noted how breathtaking the girl’s profile was. The girl turned back to face Ashlyn, her smile wide and flirtatious. “I think there are a lot of things we could probably teach each other.”  
Ashlyn blushed as she immediately looked down, not wanting the girl to see. “Can I get your name and maybe we can do that sometime?” Ashlyn asked, her heart racing from a new excitement she hadn’t felt in months.  
“I’ll give you more than just my name. Give me your phone,” the girl demanded as she offered her hand, palm up.  
Suddenly, Ashlyn started to back pedal. She had never moved this fast with anyone. She had never even had an encounter with anyone like this before. She didn’t even know this girl at all. She could be a psycho bitch for all Ashlyn knew. “Well, actually, maybe,” Ashlyn stuttered as she struggled to find the right words to disconnect herself from the girl.  
“Oh my god, c’mon I just want to put my number in, you loser. I’m not some crazy psycho.”  
Ashlyn’s mouth unhinged as she replayed what the girl had just said. She was bold, demanding, and not afraid to tell it like it is. Ashlyn admired that quality in herself, but had never met anyone else with the same inheritance. As if in a trance, she handed the phone to the girl as she watched her purple finger nails click on the screen. She handed the phone back to Ashlyn, no traces of awkwardness between them. “Casey. And you better use that number. It will expire if you don’t. Sorry about all of this again,” she said as she pointed to her car still on the side of the road.  
“It’s not the worst thing to happen to me,” Ashlyn replied as she winced at the harsh reality of her words.  
“I’ll be looking forward to doing it again then,” Casey said as she flashed a mischievous smile and climbed inside of her car, sliding black sunglasses over her eyes. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she called out of the rolled down window as she pulled out into the street. She winked at Ashlyn as she drove by, throwing the peace sign out the window.  
Ashlyn watched her drive down the hill, revealing a new path before her eyes. She flipped open her phone to see Casey’s number among the several contacts in her address book. While she was feeling a fire start inside of her again, she couldn’t get over how strange the past five minutes had been. She felt crazy for already having strong feelings for a girl she barely met, let alone someone who practically ran her over. Casey was definitely flirty and forward, but Ashlyn thought that maybe that’s what she needed right now. Someone who was confident in herself, not afraid to take a chance. Ashlyn slammed her phone shut and jammed it back in her pocket. She jumped back on her board and started down the opposite street to her house, feeling an indescribable sense of freedom.

 

Team USA was playing friendly matches around the world as they prepared for Olympic qualifying in January. With the team’s rising success, many of the players were beginning to gain national athletic recognition, many of them being invited to events all across the United States. Ali was scheduled to go on the Washington DC city news with two of her teammates, Lauren Cheney, and Amy Rodriguez. The interview was early in the morning so the girls met for breakfast before and then made the long walk to the studio. Ali could feel discomfort in her stomach as they walked the busy DC streets to the news studio. While she enjoyed the national attention for her accomplishments as a female soccer player, she was dismayed at the thought of having to talk about her personal life. It was a subject she still wasn’t ready to face to herself, let alone the rest of the world.  
The girls were prepped before the interview by makeup artists and head-dressers. Ali took delight in seeing two of her teammates shine before her as they prepared to walk into the studio. They were greeted by the head anchor, a large man in his sixties with a belly as round as the desk they were going to sit at, and a receding hairline. He welcomed them as they all sat around the table, the cameras flashing with each movement. The anchor informed them of how the interview would take place as he coughed loudly. Ali looked outside the window to see fans lining up outside the studio, waiting in anticipation for their favorite soccer players to come to life before them. The camera started to count down to roll as the anchor took a quick sip of water. The green light on the camera signaled that it was on, while Ali only saw red lights.  
“I’m here this morning with U.S. Women’s Soccer Players, Amy Rodriguez, Lauren Cheney, and Ali Krieger. Good morning, ladies, thank you for being here with us,” the anchor said as he greeted them more warmly than their first introduction.  
“Thank you for having us,” they all said in unison.  
“Now I have a little surprise for you all,” the anchor said as Ali’s heart started to pound violently in her chest. She never did like surprises. “We’re going to switch things up this morning.”  
Ali blinked furiously trying not to have a panic attack and fall out of her seat. She didn’t like where this was going.  
“America is curious, ladies. While we enjoy hearing about you all as athletes, with your growing fame we’d all like to know some things about you off the pitch. How does that sound?” He said as he clasped his hands and turned to the girls.  
Lauren and Amy nodded in unison, visibly excited to share with the world their families and the rest of their lives outside of soccer. Ali felt her shirt dampen as perspiration leaked under her arms. She thanked herself she decided to wear a black blouse instead of a white dress this morning.  
“Great!” The anchor said as he flipped through a bundle of sheets of paper, incoming notes for the interview. “Well, it looks like there’s another twist,” he announced as he leaned back in his chair.  
Ali wondered how it could get any worse.  
“So, we’re going to start using our social media more, and with that we’re launching our very first Facebook Question and Answer. Fans are logging into Facebook now to post questions for each of the players here today. Stay tuned, you don’t want to miss this,” he said as the camera flipped off.  
The anchor exited the studio to prep for the next segment while Amy and Lauren discussed what they hoped to answer. Ali abruptly stood up from her chair, catching the attention from some of the camera crew backstage.  
“Do you need something, Ali?” One of them asked as he removed his bulky headphones.  
“I can’t do this,” Ali whispered to Lauren and Amy.  
“Are you sick?” Lauren asked as she started to get up, a look of concern spreading across her face.  
“I’m not sick, I just can’t do this,” Ali said through clenched teeth as she watched one of the crew members walk towards them.  
“You girls okay?” He called out.  
“Ali, what’s going on?” Amy asked tersely, watching panic break out onto Ali’s face.  
“I’m telling you I can’t fucking do this,” she hissed as she watched the news anchor walk back to his desk.  
“We’re on in five seconds, ladies,” he called out as he fixed his tie.  
“I actually don’t think I can…” Ali began as the anchor had already started counting down.  
“Three, two, one.” The camera flashed back to life.  
Amy pulled Ali’s shirt to sit back down before she made a scene on national television. They had been advised by their coaches and team members to set the upmost example during public events, and Amy wasn’t about to let Ali make a fool out of herself.  
“It’ll be okay, we can talk about it later,” she whispered into Ali’s ear as she put a hand on her upper thigh.  
Ali jumped at the touch causing Amy to quickly remove her hand. Amy looked at her cautiously, comparing her to a deer that had been trapped in bright headlights.  
“Lauren, the first question is for you. How did you meet your husband?” The anchor asked as he scanned the first sheet of paper.  
Lauren smiled as she tugged at the gleaming silver ring on her left hand. “Well, I was actually on a date with a different guy. We had gone to a basketball game and I remember Jrue sitting on the bleachers down from us. I couldn’t help but notice how cute and nice he was. So, when my date got up to use the restroom I gave Jrue my number. He called me the very next day, and the rest is history.” She beamed as she shared with the world how her and her husband met, their ironic love story.  
“Ah, poor guy,” the anchor winced as he referred to Lauren’s date that she abandoned for Jrue. “I’ll bet he’s wishing he had gone to a different game that night.”  
Amy and Lauren laughed sarcastically, used to the lame humor of upper middle aged men.  
“Amy, this next question is for you. This fan wants to know how your husband proposed to you since you just got engaged recently.”  
Amy’s mouth curved into a wide smile as she looked to Lauren. Lauren smiled back, patting her ring. Amy subconsciously stuck her hand out, revealing her equally as beautiful ring of promise.  
“Well, he actually just opened this box and once I saw this ring in it I didn’t even need to be asked,” she cackled, hearing the camera crew in the background breaking out into fits of laughter. “No, he actually took me to our church we attend after night fall one night. He had lit candles, and spread flower petals all across the floor. It was beautiful. He got up on the podium and read to me my favorite bible verse. Then he recited a letter he had written for me, and at the end he asked if I would marry him in this church one day.”  
Ali started tearing up upon hearing Amy tell of her engagement story. In fact, there weren’t many dry eyes in the room. But Ali wasn’t crying about the romantic side of the story. She was upset because she couldn’t picture ending up with anyone but Ashlyn. As much as she hated to admit it, she had always hoped it would be Ashlyn she would be sealing that commitment with. And as much as she wanted that life with Ash, she couldn’t ever picture, no matter how hard she tried, telling anyone about their relationship, let alone national news. As much as she loved Ashlyn, she didn’t want the world to know about her, and nothing broke her heart more.  
“Well, you can thank your husband for making the rest of us look bad,” the anchor joked, pointing a pen towards Amy. “In all seriousness though, congratulations Lauren and Amy. We wish you a lifetime of happiness.”  
Ali clutched at the edge of her desk, her knuckles turning white. She felt Lauren look at her out of the corner of her eye as Amy kept a watchful glance.  
“Alright Ali, don’t think we forgot about you,” the anchor said as he thumbed through the third sheet of paper, a sign that the segment was almost done.  
Ali watched the clock tick, hoping time would run out before she was required to answer any questions.  
“Here’s a good one since we’re on the topic of relationships.”  
Ali froze as she watched the anchor intently read the sheet of paper. She felt like her fate was being decided as she listened carefully to the question he was about to ask.  
“This fan specifically says ‘We know about many of the other players’ husbands and significant others, but we’ve never seen Ali Krieger with one. Does she have a mystery one we don’t know about?’”  
Lauren and Amy watched Ali carefully, anticipating her reaction to the question. The anchor smiled at her as he waited impatiently. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She clamped her mouth shut and looked around in fear. The camera crew was all gaping at her, clearly frustrated with her lack of compliance. The anchor looked nervously to the producer. Lauren and Amy laughed awkwardly as they patted her on the arm, letting her know she was humiliating herself for the entire world to see.  
“Excuse me,” was all she managed to say as she got up from the table, the camera still flashing a bright green. She ran past the crew, many of whom asking what the hell was wrong with her. She stormed down the flight of stairs to the main lobby of the studio. She heard the producers calling after her. She saw the fans still lined up on the street as she contemplated going out the front doors. Knowing everyone would see her however, she sprinted to the back of the lobby, hoping to find a hidden exit somewhere. She saw a black door faintly painted with the words EXIT. She burst through the heavy metal door and was lurched into an alley. She heard the loud honking of cars out in the busy streets, the smell of fried food from the street vendors. She could feel the sweat pooling from her body as it trickled down from her forehead and landed in the rain puddle in front of her. She leaned up against the brick building that had served as nothing more than a torture chamber for her. While she caught her breath and planned her route back to the hotel, she remembered a time in sixth grade. Her English teacher had assigned her class to write about one superpower they wished they could possess. Ali penned how she had always wanted to be invisible, a power she would never get.  
Ali managed to avoid running into fans and teammates alike as she made it back to her hotel room. She twisted the key into the lock upon arriving and stepped inside the small, cool room. She sighed deeply as she crossed over to the bed. She startled when she saw Heather lying across one of the beds, clearly waiting for Ali to arrive.  
“Ali, what’s going on?” She immediately asked as she swung her legs over the bed, silently telling Ali she heard what happened.  
“It was nothing, okay, I just get nervous going on TV,” Ali muttered as she avoided making any eye contact.  
“Ali, that’s the most bullshit lie I’ve ever heard. You’ve never been nervous to go on TV. You’re the most natural at publicity events as anyone else on the team. I’m not trying to bully you, I just please want to know what’s going on. I want to help.” Heather spoke with pure genuine as she offered Ali to share her sloppily kept secret.  
“Okay, I’ll tell you. But, you have to promise not to tell anyone. No one, Heather. I mean it. Absolutely no one.”  
Heather’s eyebrows scrunched together, aware of how serious Ali was. She stuck out her stout pinky finger, encouraging Ali to do the same. Ali broke into a faint smile as she wrapped her finger around Heather’s, symbolizing an ally of trust.  
“It’s really crazy though. I’m still trying to make sense of it,” Ali warned as she pulled out a chair from the desk across from the two twin beds.  
“Well it must be if you’re acting like this,” Heather replied, watching Ali’s face fall. “I’m sorry, Al. I was just trying to make light of everything. What’s going on?”  
“Well, you remember the time before the World Cup camp when you warned me about Ashlyn? How we wouldn’t get along and that kind of thing?”  
Heather nodded as she clearly remembered the day well. In fact, it was a day she often played back to when she compared how different Ali and Ashlyn became upon meeting each other. It was almost as if they were each other’s missing puzzle pieces.  
“Well, you see, kind of the opposite happened. We actually ended up getting along really well, so well,” Ali said, failing at keeping the excitement out of her voice.  
“Uh-huh,” Heather replied. She already had an idea where this was going, but wanted Ali to confirm or deny it personally.  
“I fell for her, Heather. I completely fell for her. Like as more than a friend. And that’s why I’ve been so scared during these interviews and everything. I’m so scared somebody will find out about our history, what we share. I’m not ready to deal with that. I don’t know if I ever will be.” Ali bit her lip as she looked up at Heather.  
Heather offered a reassuring smile as she folded her hands in front of her. “Ali, I could tell you were falling for Ashlyn. And she had most certainly fallen for you.”  
“You could?” Ali asked. Heather’s revelation added to her fears as she wondered if anyone else on the team knew.  
“Ali, you should see the way you look at her. And the way she looks at you. I’ll admit, I was nervous when I found out you two would be rooming together. I figured you two wouldn’t be able to get along. But, once Ashlyn started to get to know you, I just watched her change. It was such an incredible change, too. It was like she wanted to be a better person for you, and herself. I’ve known Ashlyn for a long time and I’ve never seen her respond to anyone like she does with you. I’m kind of jealous honestly. I love my husband more than anything in the world and I still rarely feel like that. It’s so special, Al.”  
“You don’t think it’s completely crazy? I mean, I never thought I was, you know, gay. I always dated guys and really liked guys. But, then I met Ashlyn and everything changed. It was like I never even knew what love was until I met her. She brings out something in me I can’t find anywhere else. Why is that so hard for me to accept?”  
“Ali, it’s not crazy at all. You’re just scared because you’ve never experienced these feelings for a woman before. You might be gay, you might not be. That’s not what matters, Al. What matters is who you share your love with, no matter who that may be. I think it’s beautiful. It’s a story that will never happen for the majority of people.”  
Ali could feel tears blotting her eyelashes as she watched Heather speak. She felt like she could finally set loose the weight she had been carrying around ever since she and Ashlyn had gotten close. She just wished she had the courage to be able to tell everyone else in her life what she was telling Heather.  
“Ali, you’ve got to figure something out though. Coach is starting to wonder if you’re mentally fit for the Olympics since you keep doing this in interviews and stuff.” Heather’s tone changed as she tried to tactfully warn her friend.  
“Do you think she knows?” Ali asked, fearing the answer.  
“No, I don’t think so. She has more important things to worry about, no offense. But, I think she is concerned about you. And we know Pia well enough to know that she’s not going to add a player to the roster if she’s deemed unfit to play.”  
“I’ll try to do better. In fact, Ashlyn and I aren’t together anyway, so none of this really matters anymore. She’s no longer a secret since she technically doesn’t exist in my life anymore.”  
“She was your best secret, Ali. I know you want things to work, but you’re scared to face the rest of the world because of it. I get it, Ali, I do. But, why keep what you have from everyone? It’s so special.” Heather asked her basically the same questions Ali always asked herself. She still couldn’t find an answer she was content with.  
“Look at my life, Heather. Look at the platform I have. I can’t risk my career, or my relationship with the team and coach, and my parents. It’s too risky.”  
“Risky like taking a chance on Ashlyn Harris,” Heather replied, wishing she could take away all of Ali’s fears, let her run wild with the unique love she shared with one of her best friends.  
“I don’t have any chances to take anymore, Heather. This is all I’ve got, now.”


	22. Chapter 22

Ashlyn climbed out of the cab, exhausted from her 6 hour flight from New York. The Western New York Flash had played a double header two days before, Ashlyn receiving clean sheets for both games. The Flash was second in the league standings and Ashlyn was hoping to celebrate that during her short visit home. She reached into the car’s trunk for her suitcase and handed the cab driver a wad of dollar bills. She walked up the driveway to her house when a soccer ball went soaring past her, nearly missing hitting her in the side of the head. She dropped her suitcase and whipped around, her fists clenched. She heard laughter as she watched Casey appear behind a tree across the street.   
“You should have seen your face!” She screeched with laughter as she hunched over in a fit of amusement.  
Ashlyn couldn’t help but break into a smirk as she watched Casey jog across the street over to her. “Payback’s a bitch,” she said as Casey threw her arms around her, planting a kiss right on her lips.  
Ashlyn put her arms around Casey’s waist, pulling her closer. She kissed her back, taking in her notorious scent of Jack Daniels and Chanel perfume.  
“You’ve missed me, huh?” Casey said as she pulled away to look up at Ashlyn. Her heavy blue eye shadow made her eyes look like deep, dark pools of water in the winter time.  
“You don’t even know,” Ashlyn replied as she kissed her again, this time slipping a hand under her shirt. Ashlyn jumped as she heard a car door slam across the street. She watched her neighbor pull away from the street, glancing in their direction. Ashlyn instinctively pushed Casey away and hung her head. Casey yanked Ashlyn’s hand and led her to the street.  
“What the hell are you doing?” Ashlyn asked as she nervously looked around the neighborhood to see if anyone would be watching.  
Casey put a finger to Ashlyn’s lips, quieting her. She looped her arms around Ashlyn’s neck, smiling seductively. She pulled Ashlyn’s face into her, kissing her like it would be the last time she ever laid lips on her. Ashlyn felt her body become electric as the tension in her subsided. Casey pulled away, caressing Ashlyn’s cheek. “I don’t care who sees, Ash. I want everyone to see. You’re mine. I want everyone to know,” she said as she buried her face in Ashlyn’s chest. Ashlyn smiled as she felt the uneasiness drain from her body, no longer worried about other people noticing her behavior. For once in her life, somebody was happy to have her; she was no longer a big secret. Her days of constant rejection were over.

Ali’s teammates hoisted her off the ground as they celebrated her scoring the winning goal in their game against New Zealand. Although Ali was a defender, she was proving to be a force on the soccer field in any position. She could block shots; make assists, score goals, and look damn good doing it. She was offered countless sponsorships from Nike and Gatorade to name a few. She was entering the early peak of her career. The team carried her off the field as she was whisked by reporters and photographers. They were almost to the concrete tunnel of the locker room facility when a reporter asked politely for an interview. Pia motioned for the team to let Ali down so she could perform the interview.  
“Everyone is Krieger obsessed,” Pia said as she swatted Ali on her backside as she walked to the sidelines for the interview.  
Ali tromped over the debris of paper cups and poster signs as cameras flashed in her face. She tried to smile as she remembered her face was now starting to appear on magazine covers and news articles. She was always determined to look her very best. She reached the reporter and extended her hand for a quick introduction.  
“Ali, it’s so nice to meet you. Great game today. I must say your career is just starting to sky-rocket. How does that make you feel to know that you’re making quite the name for yourself here with this national team?”  
“It’s such a great feeling to know that all my hard work is finally paying off. I’ve worked my entire life to get to this point and to keep getting the results I’ve always strived to achieve is so encouraging and motivating for me.”  
“So, you’re obviously a defender, so with that said your main goal is usually to prevent just that. What’s up with you now being an attacking force on this very talented USA team?”  
“I honestly think it’s so much fun. I enjoy playing different roles on my team and experimenting with different roles when I can. I just love contributing in any way that I can for my team.”  
“Ali, there’s a lot of talk about the WPS lately, do you have plans to eventually join the WPS after the National Team season winds down for the year?”  
“You know, I don’t know what my plans are. I’m just trying to take it day by day and focus on one day at a time. If it’s an opportunity worth pursuing then I’ll definitely give it a shot, but for now all my focus is on this women’s national team.”  
“Ali, just a few more questions. If you’ve been following the WPS at all, you probably know that there’s this outstanding goalkeeper from Western New York named Ashlyn Harris. Her stats show that only three people have scored on her so far this year, do you think with your newfound scoring abilities you’d be able to get a shot past Harris?”  
Ali felt like she had entered a dream as the reporter anxiously waited for her answer, thrusting the microphone further to her face. A flood of memories came rushing back to her as she replayed her last encounter with Ashlyn, the remaining memory of her standing in the goal, refusing to stop Ali’s shot.  
“I think I’ve run out of shots when it comes to Ashlyn Harris,” she said as she backed away from the chain linked fence separating her from the reporters. She walked down the tunnel to the locker room, the bitterness of Ashlyn’s name still on her tongue. 

Ashlyn rolled over to grab the TV remote as Casey stirred beside her. Ashlyn punched the power button and immediately turned the volume down so as not to wake Casey. She scrolled through the channels, landing on ESPN. She was hoping to catch the highlights of the WPS games from the past few days, a perfect time to scope out her competition for the league playoffs. A commercial came on as Ashlyn rested her head against her pillow, reaching out to pet Casey’s hair. She stroked her soft hair as Casey blinked awake. She smiled at Ashlyn and kissed the palm of her hand. “I’m exhausted,” she said in a sleepy voice as she closed her eyes.  
“Go back to sleep then,” Ashlyn said as she glanced back up at the TV.  
Casey kept her eyes shut but abruptly reached for Ashlyn’s hand, firmly putting it on her right breast. Ashlyn startled as she felt the warmth of Casey’s skin beneath her pulsing palm. “Or we could go for round two,” Casey said as she swung a leg over Ashlyn’s body, pinning Ashlyn beneath her. She kissed Ashlyn, cupping the sides of her face.  
Ashlyn’s heart started to race as butterflies swarmed in her stomach. She pulled Casey into her, reaching her hand in between her legs. Casey quivered as Ashlyn moved her hands slowly between her legs. Ashlyn heard Casey start to moan quietly as she watched the highlights from the Women’s National Team game flicker across the screen. Ashlyn forced herself to turn away from the TV, focusing her attention on Casey’s heavy breathing. Ashlyn locked her hands on the back of Casey’s thighs and forcefully flipped backwards onto the bed. Casey’s eyes widened in satisfaction as she opened her legs for Ashlyn. Ashlyn settled herself in between them, leaving small trails of kisses down Casey’s abdomen. Ashlyn could hear Casey whimper as Ali Krieger appeared on the screen. Ashlyn immediately stopped kissing Casey and jerked her head up to the TV. She sat back on her heels on the bed, watching Ali score the winning goal in that afternoon’s game.  
“Why the hell did you stop?” Casey asked as she sat up on the bed. She saw that Ashlyn was glued to the TV and turned to the TV annoyed. She saw the Women’s National Team scurry across the screen. “Oh my god, that’s the team you used to play on!”   
Ashlyn ignored her as she continued to watch the beautiful woman on the screen. The TV finished showing the highlights and then transitioned to Ali’s interview. Ashlyn watched as the reporter asked Ali if she thought she could score on her.  
Casey grunted as she folded her arms across her chest. “That girl only wishes she could score on you,” she said as she disgustedly watched Ali on the screen.  
Ashlyn kept her eyes locked on Ali’s as she heard what her answer was. Time seemed to freeze as she watched Ali’s face fall, the look of defeat on her face as she finished the interview. Ashlyn wished she could pick up the microphone and call out to Ali, tell her that she’d never run out of shots, that when she was ready to take her next chance, she would be here.  
“That girl is weak. She didn’t even know what to say,” Casey laughed as she turned back to face Ashlyn.  
“She knew exactly what to say. She always did,” Ashlyn said, her eyes never wavering from the TV screen.  
“What are you talking about?” Casey asked as she lay back down on the bed, letting her hair fall off the side.  
Ashlyn ignored her again as she watched the screen go black, another ending to a story Ashlyn hated. Suddenly, she felt a surge of emotion wash over her as she pictured a naked Ali on her bed, and so badly wished Ali’s heart was as exposed. She ran a hand down on her face as she recalled the last meeting she had with Ali. She felt like her heart was going to burst open as she suddenly pounced on Casey, hovering above her. Casey shrieked as Ashlyn furiously ripped her shirt off. Casey pulled her in close as Ashlyn poured every desire into the body beneath her, never feeling so disconnected from someone in her life.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Ashlyn cross paths at Abby's New Years Eve party

It was still hot and humid as Ashlyn stood on the sidewalk outside the bar, sipping from a beer while Casey smoked a cigarette. It was going on midnight and Ashlyn had no intention of going home anytime soon. She was having so much fun dancing with Casey and kissing her under the neon lights on the dance floor. Casey finished her cigarette and took Ashlyn’s beer bottle from her hand, helping herself to a drink. Ashlyn watched her take a long swig as she handed the bottle back, a look of rebellion on her face.   
“I have an idea,” She said as she pulled on Ashlyn’s arm to drag her back inside.  
Ashlyn felt a thrill in her stomach as they entered the noisy, crowded bar. Casey walked over to the juke box and slipped a few quarters into the slot. A catchy, 90’s pop song came on over the speakers as a mischievous smile broke out onto Casey’s face. Ashlyn watched her in anticipation as she walked over to the bar, clearing a space on the counter top. She motioned for Ashlyn to come over, spontaneity in her eyes. Ashlyn sauntered over feeling a sense of excitement as she waited for Casey’s directions. Casey took her hand and climbed onto a barstool. Ashlyn instinctively reached out to grab her, ensuring she wouldn’t fall. Casey laughed wildly as she stepped onto the bar top and invited Ashlyn up. Ashlyn grinned as she leaped up onto the counter, noticing the people in the bar all looking at them. Ashlyn noted how Ali would never be caught dead doing something like this and how refreshing it was to be with somebody invigorating and free of secrets. Casey playfully grinded on Ashlyn, pumping her fists in the air. Ashlyn took a drink from her beer, offering it to Casey. Casey poured the beer onto the counter and stomped in the tiny puddles, planting kisses on Ashlyn’s cheeks and neck. By now, most of the people in the tiny establishment were huddled around the bar, cheering for the two crazy girls on their makeshift stage. Ashlyn danced with Casey and felt free to show any kind of affection she pleased. As the night went on, Casey encouraged more and more affection from Ashlyn, almost catching Ashlyn off guard. She had never been able to show her feelings for Ali when they were out in public and couldn’t help but relish in Casey’s behavior. They danced and drank all night, only stopping to order more drinks.   
When the bar was closing for the night, they embraced on the bar, and made out until the bartender kicked them out. They scrambled out of the bar laughing hysterically, both tipsy and feeling adventurous. Ashlyn felt like she was walking on air as they began walking home. She had her arm around Casey’s shoulders as they stumbled along the downtown streets, yelling at the cars that whizzed by. However, the closer they got to Ashlyn’s house, the more uneasy she became, and it wasn’t just because of all the alcohol she had consumed over the course of the night. As much fun as she had during the night with Casey she felt an overwhelming sense of wanting to just be alone. Sure, it was great to finally have fun with someone and not feel rejected all the time, but she was starting to sense she didn’t really have a true connection with Casey. They never really had intimate conversations or deep talks together. Their relationship mainly consisted of hooking up and partying together. She cared for Casey very much, but there wasn’t a deep aspect of their relationship like she had with Ali. She was starting to realize Casey didn’t really know her at all.  
They entered Ashlyn’s neighborhood and filled the quiet streets with laughter as they stumbled up the driveway. Casey skipped to the back door, tripping over a lawn chair. Ashlyn doubled over laughing at her as Casey crawled inside. Ashlyn followed suit, hoping her mother or Chris wouldn’t hear them come in. Casey lurched into a wall as Ashlyn shouted at her to be quiet. They both burst into a fit of hysterics when they realized how Ashlyn had just contradicted herself. They meandered down the hallway and collapsed onto Ashlyn’s bed, the room spinning around them. Casey reached out to put her hand on Ashlyn’s arm. Ashlyn overlapped her leg over Casey’s.   
“Can I ask you something?” Ashlyn asked as she tried to create pictures from the tiles on the ceiling.  
“Yeah, sure,” Casey said as she closed her eyes.  
“Why don’t we ever talk?” Ashlyn asked.  
Casey opened her eyes and let out a surprised laugh. “What do you mean? We talk all the time.”  
“No, we really don’t. Why don’t we talk about anything important?” Ashlyn asked as she played with a loose string on her bedspread.  
Casey turned to face her and tilted her head to the side, breaking out into a sly smile. “I think we’re better at the other kind of talking,” she said as she sat up to place a kiss on Ashlyn’s cheek.  
Ashlyn smiled as she gently pushed Casey’s head away. “Well, yeah, I mean that’s obviously nice and all, but doesn’t it bother you that we don’t know that much about each other?”  
Casey stopped to think for a second. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and focused on the dark stain on the carpet, a spill from her drink a few weeks ago. “Well, what would you like to know?” She asked as she grazed her hand across her waist, revealing a glimpse of her tan, toned stomach.  
“I guess anything,” Ashlyn replied as she watched Casey move her hand under her shirt.  
Casey slipped her shirt over her head and unfastened her bra, letting the straps dangle off her shoulders. Ashlyn gulped as she struggled to peel her eyes off Casey. Casey let her bra fall to the floor, pushing Ashlyn back on the bed. She lifted Ashlyn’s shirt up and ran her hands along her tight stomach. She unbuttoned Ashlyn’s pants and watched as she melted beneath her.  
“How’s this for getting to know each other?” Casey asked as she glided her hand down Ashlyn’s pants.  
Ashlyn gasped as she felt a warmth sweep across her body. This is where her defenses caved. The only way she could kill her pain and longing for Ali was to get lost completely with someone else and hope that Ali would eventually find her.  
“Just don’t stop,” Ashlyn groaned as she surrendered to her temporary wants. She accepted that this was the most talking her and Casey was ever going to do.

Ali took a deep breath as she sat down at the conference table at the Hilton Hotel, doing a public signing with the coach of the team she would be playing for in Germany. She nervously grabbed a pen and spun it around between her fingers. She watched camera crews filter into the room as reporters lined the back wall. Pia took a seat next to her, patting her on the back encouragingly. A few of her teammates, Abby, Heather, and Sidney Leroux stood at the back of the room. Finally, her future coach walked in, shaking her hand enthusiastically. “Ali, I’m so happy this is finally happening. I cannot wait for the season to start,” he said with a thick German accent.  
She smiled brightly for the cameras and waved to her teammates supporting her. She steadied the pen in her hand as Pia slid her a piece of paper. She carefully signed her name at the bottom of the page, anxious for what her life was going to be like once she left the states. She was sick of endings, and hoped this was a new start she so desperately needed.

Ali finished the signing and went to walk to the lobby to catch the elevator to her room. The team was staying in San Diego for a few days for a pair of international friendlies. She reached the bank of elevators when she heard Abby call out her name. She held the elevator door for Abby as she jogged over. They stepped inside the elevator as Abby hugged Ali. “I’m so excited for you, Al. This is a big moment for you. So, who is by your side?”  
“Wait what?” Ali asked confused.  
“You know, in every big moment in your life you picture somebody standing next to you. Who is it?”  
Ali furrowed her brows together and glared at Abby. “You’re cheesy, you now. I actually don’t picture anybody standing next to me, thank you.”  
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Abby said as she crossed her arms. The elevator reached their floor and Ali stepped around Abby to get off.  
Abby held her arm out, creating a barricade to prevent Ali from getting off. “Look, all I’m saying is if you wish you could be spending these important moments with her then that obviously means something. Don’t lose that.”  
Ali hung her head as she concluded that Abby had discovered everything between her and Ashlyn. She really wasn’t as secretive as she thought. “Abby, it’s over. It’s been over. That’s it. We’ve both moved on.” Ali tried to plow through Abby’s arm, wanting to escape this painful conversation as fast as she could.  
“That’s not what Ashlyn told me,” Abby said, watching as Ali stopped trying to force her way out of the tiny, enclosed space.  
“What are you talking about?” Ali asked as her breathing quickened.   
“I’m having a New Years Eve party in New York City. When I invited Ashlyn she asked if you were coming and that she’d like to see you. I was hoping you would come.”  
“Abby, I don’t want to see Ashlyn. I appreciate the invite, but I just don’t think I can do that.” The elevator door started to close as Ali waved her hand to make the doors open wide again.  
“Ali, just come. Please,” Abby begged as she watched Ali step out onto firm ground, the elevator doors slowly closing between them.

 

Snow covered the ground and continued to fall from the sky as the New York City lights blinked in the distance. The penthouse of Abby’s New Years Eve party was filled with people celebrating the beginning of a new year. Ali had locked herself in one of the many bathrooms of the house, hoping to avoid every party attendee at all costs, especially Ashlyn. She didn’t really know why she decided to come to the party. As much as she tried to talk herself out of it, she still found herself sliding on her little black dress and black high heels and making the trek to the city. She could hear the loud conversations and laughter from the people outside as she stepped out of her shoes. She splashed cold water over her face and noticed there was a window in the bathroom, frosted over due to the freezing temperatures outside. She unlatched the window and raised it to feel the cold air bite at her face. She opened the window as far as it would go and stuck her head out. She was amazed to see that it led to the rooftop, which was conveniently free of people. She hoisted herself up onto the window ledge and carefully slid out the window, careful not to snag her dress on the loose nails sticking out of the window frame. She landed firmly on the cold, concrete roof, inviting the bitter air. She sauntered over to the ledge of the roof, taking in the view of the party attendees waiting to get inside below. She scanned the streets when she heard a young woman hollering in the distance. Ali leaned over the edge to see what appeared like a drunken woman stumbling along the sidewalk. She had long, wavy light brown hair, and a very tight fitting red dress. Her six inch heels elongated her toned legs, and a good portion of cleavage was visible from the low cut of her dress. She seemed to already be trashed as she stood in line to get inside the house. All of a sudden, like a magnetic force, Ali spotted Ashlyn standing next to the girl, the girl’s hand linked around Ashlyn’s arm. Ashlyn was wearing a black tux, her bleached blonde hair slicked back. She laughed along with the girl as she kissed her fully on the lips. Ali felt like she had been stabbed in the stomach as she watched Ashlyn kiss somebody who wasn’t her. She felt angry at Abby for lying to her when it was obvious Ashlyn had no intentions of wanting to see Ali tonight. At this moment, she wanted nothing more than to hurl herself off the roof, ending her pain for good. She stormed back to the window and climbed back inside the bathroom. She grabbed her shoes and navigated the many hallways throughout the house, in search of Abby. She opened wood French doors to the massive living room to see people scattered everywhere. She pushed through the people to try to get to the front door when she saw Ashlyn and her date standing by the fireplace, making out like no one else was even in the room. Ali felt her stomach sink to her knees as she watched Ashlyn’s lips graze the lips of somebody who wasn’t her. She felt like someone had ripped her heart out and stomped on it. She never realized that when she told Abby in the elevator that they had moved on that it would actually be true, that Ashlyn would be able to be with somebody that again wasn’t her.   
Feeling exhausted and defeated, Ali ducked her head and tried to maneuver around the people in the room. She kept her head down as tears welled in her eyes. She kept navigating around people as she ran right into the back of someone. She muttered a quick apology until she heard someone say her name. She looked up to see that she had walked right into Ashlyn.  
“Ali,” Ashlyn said as her eyes lit up. Ali tried not to notice how beautiful she looked in her suit, how her eyes were full of wonder.  
Ali stood in silence as her eyes went straight to the girl that was holding on tightly to Ashlyn’s arm, clearly claiming her territory. Ashlyn noticed Ali’s silence and felt a wave of uneasiness come over her as she studied Ali’s face. “Oh, Ali, this is my girlfriend, Casey,” she said as she nodded to the girl in the skimpy dress.  
Casey gripped Ashlyn’s arm tighter as she smirked at Ali.   
“Wait what?” Ali asked as she was suddenly coming to the realization that Abby had lied to her about Ashlyn wanting to see her.  
Ashlyn’s face grew red with embarrassment as she watched Ali digest the news of her new relationship.  
“I thought you wanted to see me,” Ali whispered as she glanced down at the ground, wishing she could just sink right through the floor.  
“Ali,” Ashlyn started, but realized she really didn’t know what to say after that.  
“Can we get a drink or something, babe? This is starting to get lame,” Casey whined.  
Ali shot her a disgusted look as she wanted to pry her fingers off of Ashlyn’s arm. Suddenly, Abby appeared from the next room.  
“Hey, Al, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.” She waded through the people scattered around them but as she got closer she realized the backfire of her epic plan to try to get Ali and Ashlyn back together.  
Ali took one look at Abby and immediately started shoving her way past people. Abby called out after her, but Ali was already out the front door, racing down the icy city sidewalk. She dodged the people walking along the sidewalk as the cold air nipped at her ears. She crossed a street right in the middle of traffic, causing a car to slam on its brakes. The driver honked and cursed at her as Ali collapsed in the middle of the road.  
“Ali!” Abby yelled as she leaped across the street to escort Ali out of the jammed intersection.  
Tears were streaming down Ali’s face as Abby folded her into a hug. “I’m sorry, Al. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just thought this would be a good opportunity for you two to talk. I had no idea this was going to happen.”  
Ali could hear the sincerity in Abby’s voice as she nestled her face in the crook of Abby’s neck. She was pissed at Abby for lying to her, but she knew her heart was in the right place. She knew Abby would never do anything to deliberately her, that she honestly was just trying to mend things between her and Ashlyn. Ali sobbed loudly as she shuddered in the wind.   
“C’mon let’s go back to the house and we’ll get my car and go to a hotel for the night,” Abby said as she directed Ali back towards the penthouse.  
They walked the stretch back to the house when Ashlyn came running towards them.  
“There you are. I didn’t know what direction you’d be in,” she said, gasping for her.  
Casey appeared behind her, noticeably annoyed. “Ashlyn, what the fuck are we doing? It’s cold as shit out here,” she yelled as she crossed her arms tightly around her middle.  
“Hang on a second,” Ashlyn called back as she slowly walked up to Ali and Abby. She took in the sight of Ali, comparing her to that of a wounded animal that had just been mauled out in the wild. “Ali,” Ashlyn said as she slipped off her dress coat and draped it around Ali’s shoulders. Ali noticed how fluid the action was, the naturalness of it. Ali could smell Chanel perfume, the perfume of the girl that had been wearing the jacket previously. Suddenly, Ali felt dizzy, sick, like she just wanted to go home and sleep for the next six months.  
They stood before each other for the first time in months, nothing but cold air between them. Abby watched them stare at each other, both waiting for the other to make the first move. “I’ll be inside,” Abby said as she squeezed Ali’s waist before walking back up to the penthouse.  
“Ashlyn, let’s go!” Casey demanded as she put one hand on her hip.  
Ashlyn kept her eyes locked on Ali as she spoke. “Casey, go ahead and take a cab back to the hotel. I won’t be in tonight.”  
“Excuse me? What do you mean you won’t be in tonight?” She barked as her eyes lit with intensity.  
“There’s something I need to do,” Ashlyn said as she felt her heart thaw out despite the frigid cold.


	24. Chapter 24

Ashlyn closed the heavy mahogany bedroom door behind her, drowning out the echoes of the party goers outside. She crossed to the other side of the room while Ali sat down on the bed. She was shivering profusely despite still wearing Ashlyn’s coat. Ashlyn watched her meticulously as she struggled for the right words. Finally, Ali looked up, a look of defeat on her face. “I can’t believe Abby did this,” she said as she shook her head.  
“You know Abby,” Ashlyn said as she let a tiny laugh escape.  
Ali winced as she pulled Ashlyn’s coat tighter around her. “Did you know I’d be here?” She asked.  
Ashlyn paused before answering. “I mean I thought you might be, but I wasn’t sure.”  
“How long have you and your girlfriend been together?” Ali asked, her voice laced with bitterness.  
“A while,” Ashlyn replied, deciding whether or not to make Ali jealous.  
Ali nodded and rubbed her hands together and let out a deep sigh. “Look, Ashlyn, I’m sorry for how I reacted tonight. It just caught me off guard is all. I wasn’t expecting to see you with someone. It was just a strange feeling.”  
Ashlyn nodded as she slunk against the wall to the floor. She ran her hands through her hair, coating them with gel and dried hairspray. “Ali, why did you come tonight?”  
Ali opened her mouth to speak but immediately clamped it shut. She wasn’t sure why she had come honestly. Was she hoping to see Ashlyn and rekindle things? Did she just want Ashlyn to see her to make sure she hadn’t forgotten about her completely? “I wanted to see you,” Ali answered, giving Ashlyn the plain and simple truth.  
“Is that all?” Ashlyn asked, a thrill of hope running through her veins.  
Ali remained silent as she pondered the question. She bit her lip as tears squeezed from her eyes. “Does there have to be more than that?” She turned to look at Ashlyn with sloppy tears running down her face. “I miss you every day. Of course it was more than that. I just thought maybe you had missed me too.” She slapped her hands over her face and began to weep, struggling to catch her breath.  
“You think I don’t miss you?” Ashlyn said as she stood up from where she was sitting on the floor. “Ali,” she whispered as she took two big strides across the room and kissed her full on the lips, pure euphoria coursing throughout her body.  
Ali gasped as she tasted Ashlyn for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. She had dreamed about this moment for so long and still felt like she was in a trance. Ashlyn pulled away, her eyes hazy and forgiving. Ali cupped Ashlyn’s face between her hands, feeling her soft, baby like skin. She stood up from the bed and started pushing Ashlyn backwards to the wall. Ashlyn hit the wall with a soft thud and Ali shrugged her coat off, letting it slip slowly to the floor. Ashlyn watched her with hungry eyes as she unbuttoned Ashlyn’s shirt, smelling her subtle cologne. She placed her hands on Ashlyn’s chest, slowly guiding them to her back. She began peppering her neck with light kisses as her hands worked to unclasp Ashlyn’s bra. Ashlyn groaned as she felt Ali’s body heat mix with hers, an intoxicating sensation. Ali was just about to slip the bra off Ashlyn went the door went flying open. Ali instinctively shoved Ashlyn away from her and took three big steps backwards, back to the bed. Abby stood in the doorway, her mouth hung wide open. Ashlyn wiped her mouth as she secured her shirt closed.  
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Abby said as she took in the sight of what was before her. “Way to go guys,” she said as she went to pat Ashlyn on the back.  
Ashlyn shrugged her off when she saw Ali cowered on the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.   
“It was nothing, Abby. Can you leave us alone?” Ali asked tersely.  
Confused, Abby looked to Ashlyn who kept her head down. “Um, sure,” she said as she exited the room, closing the door behind them.  
“That was nothing, huh?” Ashlyn asked as she started buttoning her shirt, her fingers furiously slipping the buttons through the tiny slits.  
Ali looked up at her, her expression pained and wounded. “I just didn’t want her to go tell anybody,” she replied.  
“So we’re back to square one,” Ashlyn huffed as she finished buttoning her shirt and tied her hair into a loose bun.  
“What are you talking about?” Ali asked.  
“I can just see that things haven’t changed too much. I mean, this is how it usually goes right? You love up on me when we’re alone but as soon as we’re out somewhere or somebody sees us you freak the fuck out and want nothing to do with it.” Ashlyn picked up her coat from the floor and tossed it to the bed beside Ali. She stood against the door, planning her escape route if need be.  
“It’s not that,” Ali said, her mind replaying every fight and argument they had ever had about this very issue.  
“Then what is it, Ali? Please just fucking tell me. Because I still don’t get it.”  
“You’re right, you don’t get it, Ashlyn. You don’t get what it’s like to love someone so much, but not want to expose her to the world. You don’t get how it literally breaks my heart every time I’m with my family or my friends and all I want to do is say that you’re my girlfriend, but I can’t. You just have no idea what it’s like to feel guilty and ashamed for loving someone when all I want to do is be with you.”  
Ashlyn walked to window and peered through the curtains. She could see Times Square in the distance, lit up in anticipation of counting down to the New Year. She heard the party attendees outside yelling in unison the countdown to 2012. She slowly turned around to face Ali and jammed her hands in her pockets. “Actually, I get it perfectly. Welcome to my life.” She walked to the bed and arranged her coat over her arm. She slowly walked to the door and opened it, hearing the people outside shout Happy New Year. She stepped out into the doorway, but turned to look at Ali one more time. “Goodbye,Ali,” she said as she shut the door behind her.


	25. Chapter 25

Ashlyn stood on the sidewalk in the blistering cold waiting for a cab. She was going to meet Casey at the hotel and hopefully drown out all memory from the past few hours. She glanced up and down the streets hoping to spot the bright yellow of the taxi cab when one of her best friends, Whitney Engen called for her. Ashlyn turned around, blowing hot air into the palms of her hands. Whitney jogged over to her, pulling her into a hug. “Are you already leaving?” She asked as a look of concern spread out over her face.  
“Yeah,” Ashlyn replied. She continued to scan the streets for a cab, wanting to get out of this place.  
“Hey, that girl you brought tonight isn’t like your girlfriend is she?” Whitney asked as she watched Ashlyn carefully.  
“Yes, she’s my girlfriend, why what’s the fucking problem?” Ashlyn spat as she started to pace up and down the frozen sidewalk.  
“Ashlyn,” Whitney laughed as she raised her eyebrow. “You can do much better than that. There was like no chemistry at all between you two.”  
“Oh, thanks,” Ashlyn said as she put her hands on her hips growing impatient.  
Picking up on Ashlyn’s annoyed behavior; Whitney gingerly put her hand on Ashlyn’s elbow, forcing her to make eye contact. “Hey, are you okay?”   
“No, actually I’m not, and I’d really like to be alone,” Ashlyn spat as her paces got quicker.  
Whitney let go of Ashlyn’s arm and stared out into the street. “What do you want, Ashlyn?” She asked.  
Ashlyn whipped her head around, a look of confusion plastered on her face. “What do you mean?”   
“I mean, what do you want? Because it’s obviously not the girl you brought tonight.”  
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Whit. No offense, but just mind your own business, okay?”  
Whitney sealed her lips together as she tried to regain patience. “Look, Ashlyn, I’m not trying to get into your business. But, I do know that when something special comes around you can’t lose it. I’ve never seen anybody look at each other the way you and Ali do. You still love her, don’t you?”  
Ashlyn’s features softened as she looked into her friend’s eyes. She was beginning to realize that everyone was noticing how hard she had fallen for Ali Krieger. “I’m with Casey,” she replied as she spotted a cab and waved for it furiously.  
Whitney laughed. “Right.”  
The cab pulled up and Ashlyn walked off the curb to step into it.  
“Ash,” Whitney called after her. “You’ve always been a fighter. Fight for her. Don’t give up on her. You can figure it all out, just help her. You know what you want, I know you do.”  
Ashlyn faintly smiled before telling the cab driver to give her a second. She stepped back onto the sidewalk and enveloped her friend into a hug. Whitney had always wanted what was best for her.  
“I’ll see you soon,” Ashlyn said before she climbed into the cab. She waved to Whit through the window as the car pulled away from the curb. And as the car drove down the illuminated streets, she realized that what she wanted and what she needed were two very different things, and she would not be allowed both.

 

Ashlyn and Casey laid in lawn chairs in Ashlyn’s back yard, listening to the radio and sipping on margaritas. Although Casey had been pissed about Ashlyn ditching her at the New Years Eve party, Ashlyn smoothed things over by telling Casey that Ali was just an old, jealous girlfriend and Ashlyn wanted to tie up loose ends with her while she had the chance. Casey didn’t care what the explanation was, as long as she was the one laying next to Ashlyn at night.  
“So, I’ve been thinking,” Casey said as she sat up to sit cross-legged in the chair.  
Ashlyn turned to face her, wincing through the bright, hot Florida sun rays.  
“I think we should get our own place together,” she announced as she took a long sip from her strawberry margarita.  
“We basically do live together, you’re here all the time,” Ashlyn laughed.  
“Well, yeah, but your mom or Chris is always here. It’s be nice to just have a place of our own don’t you think?”  
Ashlyn rubbed her eyes as she contemplated Casey’s suggestion. Dating was one thing, but officially living with her would be a big step. “I don’t know, Casey. I’m gone all the time for league and I don’t really want to have to move all my stuff just now.”   
Casey’s face clouded over as she shrunk back into her seat. “That’s cool,” she said as she slipped sunglasses over her eyes.  
“Look, It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t think it’s the right time,” Ashlyn said, noticing that Casey was obviously annoyed.  
“You know, it’s never the right time for you, Ashlyn. I don’t know if anything will ever be the right time.” She turned her head the opposite way from Ashlyn when Ashlyn’s cell phone started ringing. Casey grabbed it from the table next to her and tossed it to Ashlyn.  
“Hold that thought, okay,” Ashlyn said as she hurriedly answered the phone.   
“Hello, Ashlyn?”   
“Yes,” Ashlyn replied as she held the phone closer to her ear.  
“Ashlyn, this is Sunil Gilatti from U.S. Soccer. I hate to have to tell you that the WPS folded, the league is done.”

 

Ashlyn stormed into her room, punching the wall on her way in. She punched the sides of her head as she flopped down on her bed. Casey walked in after her and sat down beside her.   
“Hey, it’ll be okay,” she said as she offered her drink to Ashlyn.  
Ashlyn pushed it away as she sat in silence. A flood of emotions washed over her. She had no idea what she was going to do. WPS was her job, her lifeline. Soccer was all she had, and with her being cut from the national team months ago, soccer was beginning to dim from her life.  
“What the hell am I going to do?” Ashlyn asked as she clasped her hands over her face.  
Casey got up from the bed and grabbed a pack of cigarettes from Ashlyn’s dresser. “Let’s go to Shooters. There’s nothing a few drinks can’t solve.”

 

A few drinks turned into several as Chris and Casey carried Ashlyn home. They dragged her to the bathroom where she immediately started to vomit.  
“I’m going to go crash,” Casey said as she headed to Ashlyn’s room and shut the door.  
“You’re not going to stay in here with her?” Chris shouted after her as she settled on the floor beside his younger sister.  
He stroked her hair as he watched her back arch in pain. He heard footsteps as their mother appeared in the doorway. She squatted down next to Ashlyn and looked to Chris.  
“She’s taking it pretty hard,” he replied in explanation of the WPS going under.  
Tammye Harris rubbed Ashlyn’s back as she stood back up from the floor. “Where’s Casey?” she asked.  
“She went to bed,” Chris said, making no effort to hide his annoyance at her for not being here for Ashlyn.  
Tammye walked to Ashlyn’s room and yelled at Casey to get her things and get the hell out. Casey stormed out of the room and stomped to the bathroom.  
“Get out of my damn house!” Tammye ordered.  
“You’re a fucking psycho! Ashlyn, call me later,” she said before scurrying out of the house.  
“Why the hell did you do that?” Ashlyn asked as she wiped her mouth with the back of her sleeve.  
“Because she’s trash and I don’t want her in my house. She should have been helping you deal with this in a mature way, not taking you out to get drunk every time something bad happens.”  
“She’s my girlfriend, you can’t treat her like that,” Ashlyn spat.  
“Girlfriends don’t let each other treat themselves like shit. You’ve turned into the worst version of yourself ever since meeting her and I’m sick of it. You need to figure some things out,” she said before storming back to the kitchen.  
Chris turned to look at her, wanting to say something, but not wanting to upset her. “Look, Ash, I don’t know if there was anything going on between you and Ali, but she’s the kind of person you want in your life. You don’t talk about Casey the way you used to talk about Ali. I don’t know what happened, but you were a different person when you were with her. You were better. Mom’s right, Casey isn’t the person for you.” He patted her on the knee before walking out of the bathroom.  
Ashlyn threw up one more time, not because she was sick, but because she had been desperately trying to get rid of her constant memory of Alexandra Blaire Krieger, the woman who would always have her heart.

Olympic Qualifiers were two weeks away and Team USA had a friendly match against Nigeria later this afternoon. Ali woke up early to walk onto the empty pitch, the dew sticking to her tennis shoes as she tromped across the field. She looked up into the stands and imagined all of the people that would be sitting before her in a few short hours, cheering the team on to victory. The sun was just starting to peek out from a group of clouds as she walked the length of the field. Although she was excited for the game later, she couldn’t help but feel a pang of anxiety as she thought about the match. All she had been thinking about lately was her encounter with Ashlyn just a few weeks ago, how they once again went through the cycle of almost making up, to not having any contact whatsoever. Her heart ached for her. She had heard about the WPS folding, but couldn’t find it in herself to contact Ash. She was afraid of what Ashlyn’s reaction might be about that. She walked to the end goal and into the net, reaching out to touch the nylon netting. She slipped it between her fingers, imagining that she was stroking Ashlyn’s hair. She closed her eyes and pictured Ashlyn making a leaping save, smiling widely at Ali across the field. It seemed like a lifetime ago the last time they were on the field together. As much as Ali missed her and wanted to talk to her, she knew Ashlyn made it very clear that things were over between them. Ali glanced down to check her watch and figured she better get back to her room to start preparing her for the game. She made the lonely trek back across the field when she tripped over a newspaper on the wet grass. She picked it up to throw it away when she read the front cover. There was a picture of Ashlyn in goal, directing the defense with the raise of her hand. The caption below the picture read, “Where will we see Ashlyn Harris next: The WPS folds after just its second year, Harris earning Goalkeeper of the year and the last league championship.” Ali hugged the newspaper to her chest as she thought about what Ashlyn must be going through. As much as she wanted to just toss the paper in the trash and go about her day, she too wondered where she would see Ashlyn Harris next, if she would ever see her again.


	26. Chapter 26

Ashlyn awoke to someone shaking her as she blinked sleep out of her eyes. Her vision was still blurry as her head throbbed in pain. She and Casey had gone out the night before, despite her mother’s warning, and she was seriously hung over. She blinked rapidly to steady her vision to see Chris standing over her, his face stricken with panic. He was shaking her violently, yelling at her to wake up. He had her cell phone in his hand as she sat up in her bed.  
“Chris, what’s going on?” She asked as her head felt like it was going to split open.  
“Abby is on the phone. It sounds urgent” he said as he thrust the phone to her.  
“Abby, what’s up? Is everything okay?” Ashlyn asked frantically. She heard Abby crying on the other end.  
“Ash, it’s Ali.”

 

The USA was beating Nigeria 4-0 as Ali happily jogged around the field. Her feelings of anxiousness were now gone as she settled into a good game rhythm. Although it was just a friendly match, she absolutely could not wait for the Olympics where she’d be able to compete for gold medals and be on one of the world’s biggest soccer stages. Pia had just called a timeout so the team settled back onto the field. Although Ali was having a big defensive night, she was also itching to score a goal, prove her multiple abilities on the field.  
She ran along the length of the field looking for an opportunity when Carli tried to score. It slipped past a Nigeria defender, but the Nigerian goalkeeper successfully blocked the ball, sending it soaring to midfield. Lauren quickly passed the ball back to Carli to try another scoring attempt, but she passed the ball to Shannon Boxx to the far sideline. Ali made a quick cut to show Shannon she was open and Shannon booted the ball wide to Ali. Ali broke out into a wide smile as there was nothing between her and the net. She made a first touch on the ball as she heard the crowd yelling for her to shoot. She brought her leg back to power a shot off when a Nigerian defender came out of nowhere. She was running full speed as Ali was just about to make contact with the ball. Ali watched the defender extend her leg high, making contact with Ali’s right leg. Ali heard a loud pop as her knee buckled, causing her to crash to the ground. She cried out in pain as it felt like her knee was slipping backwards, noticeably out of place. She hit the ground hard, her body shaking in excruciating pain. A handful of her teammates rushed to her side as she slapped the ground in torture. She had never felt a physical pain so severe. Shannon bent down beside her, noticing Ali holding her right leg.  
“Where is it, Al?” She said soothingly as she grasped Ali’s hand.  
Ali clenched her teeth as another wave of pain surged through her leg. She squeezed Shannon’s hand as tears blotted her thick eyelashes. “It’s my right leg. I think I tore something,” she said as Shannon rubbed her leg gently.  
“Did she tear it?” Carli whispered into Shannon’s ear as she bent down beside her.  
Shannon just nodded as Carli walked to the team to inform them of the situation.  
“It’s okay, baby, help is coming,” Shannon said as she stroked the side of Ali’s face.  
Ali felt like someone had crushed her leg in half as she watched the trainers rush out onto the field. The bright lights of the stadium blinded her as she lay on her back to be assessed. She turned her head to see Pia pacing the sidelines, the other assistant coaches hugging each other and talking to her teammates.   
The trainer extended her leg several times, assessing for a tear. “Did you hear or feel a pop?” he asked as he motioned for a backboard.  
“Yeah, I felt a loud pop and then my knee just gave out,” Ali said through short sobs as a million thoughts ran through her mind. She knew something bad had happened. She could tell by the way Shannon and her teammates were watching her. She covered her face with her hands as she realized her Olympic dreams were in serious danger.  
The trainers slid Ali onto the backboard, and rushed her off the field. The crowd cheered and clapped as Ali wished she could drown out the noise. They set her down by the locker rooms, away from the field and spectators. A medical doctor appeared out of the locker rooms and knelt down beside Ali.   
“Ali, we’re going to take you in for x-rays, but I think you might have torn a ligament in your leg,” he said as he patted her on the shoulder.  
Ali just froze as she looked up into the sky, now turning a dark blue, promising rain. In a matter of minutes her career could have ended today. She had never felt more alone in her entire life. She had lost everything else, without soccer her life was over when it was just starting to begin.


	27. Chapter 27

The chants of the crowd faded away as Ali was whisked through the locker room tunnel. An ambulance was waiting outside the stadium for her to take her to the hospital for x-rays. She covered her face with her sweaty hands as the trainers and EMTs lifted her into the ambulance. She turned her head to look at the place where her dreams came to an end. As she stared at the Vancouver stadium on a dreary Canada day she knew her soccer career would never be the same.

 

Ashlyn jumped out of her bed and dialed Ali’s number as she threw on her clothes from the night before. She let the phone ring several times before snapping it shut, hoping Ali would see she called and call her back. She marched to the living room to start the computer to book a ticket to Washington DC as Casey burst through the door, two beers in hand.  
“How are you feeling? You got so shitty last night,” she said as she handed the beer to Ashlyn.  
Ashlyn ignored her as she sat down at the computer.  
Casey sighed heavily and set the beers down on the coffee table. She walked over to the computer and glanced at the screen, watching Ashlyn type furiously on the grey keyboard.  
“What are you doing?” She asked as she watched Ashlyn search for the plane tickets.  
“Casey now isn’t really a good time,” she said as she skimmed over all the search options.  
“You know, you’re kind of starting to turn into a real jerk, Ashlyn. You don’t seem to give a shit about me anymore.” Casey folded her arms and sat down on the arm of the sofa.  
Ashlyn rubbed her temples as she turned around in her chair. “Casey, I’m sorry. I really don’t mean to be an asshole, but I don’t think this is going to work anymore. I’m sorry.”  
Casey looked at her with a neutral expression as if she was expecting Ashlyn to break things off. “It’s Ali, isn’t it?”   
Ashlyn drew in a breath as her heart lurched with the sound of Ali’s name. “Casey, I’ve got to go see her. She got hurt at last night’s game and I need to be there. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”  
Casey nodded her head as she got up from her seat and ran her finger down the side of Ashlyn’s face along her jawline. “You’ve always been in love with her. Everybody could see that but me. But, I see it now. And I can only hope somebody looks at me the way you look at her.” She bent down to kiss Ashlyn’s cheek as she started for the door.  
Ashlyn’s expression was pained as she watched Casey walk to the door. “Casey,” she said as she saw her open the door but pause in the doorway. “You deserve somebody to love you the way I love her. I’m sorry it wasn’t me.”  
Casey smiled as the sunlight hit her face. “Goodbye, Ashlyn.”

 

Ken Krieger jogged down the hospital hallway hoping to see his daughter up and walking around, the injury only being minor. He turned a corner and bumped into a red headed nurse.  
“Excuse me; I’m looking for my daughter, Ali Krieger. She was taken here this evening after a soccer injury,” he said as he searched the hallway like a hawk.  
The nurse gave him a blank expression as she sighed and looked at the chart she was carrying in her arms. “Krieger,” she mumbled as her index finger scanned the list. “Looks like she’s in room five, last room on the right,” she said as she pointed down the hall with her thumb.  
“Thanks,” Ken mumbled as he started down the hall. He found room five and saw that the door was closed. He gently tapped on it before opening it. The room was dark, the only light coming from that of the machines buzzing in the room. He peeked around the corner and saw his daughter soundly sleeping, the jersey she had just been wearing hours before tucked under her arm like a teddy bear. Ken crossed the room and stood before Ali. His heart softened as he took in her soft face, the spitting image of her mother. He could see tear streaks on her tanned cheeks as she breathed lightly. He bent down to kiss her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open. “Daddy,” she said as she smiled faintly.  
“Hi, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” He pushed back the hair from her light brown eyes.  
“I’m okay. The doctor just took x-rays so we should know pretty soon what happened,” she said as she sat up in the bed.  
“Are you hurting?” He asked as he touched both of her legs.  
She tried to hide her expression as she struggled to move her right leg. “A little, but I don’t think it’s anything serious.”  
Ken nodded as he watched his daughter struggle to get comfortable on the bed. “Do you mind if I take a look?”   
Ali shook her head as she knew her dad had experience with soccer injuries. He had been her coach ever since she was five years old and she trusted his instincts. Ken pushed the sheets down as he applied pressure to her right leg. Ali winced in pain as he gripped tightly around her knee. He pushed on either side of her calf, working his way up around her knee. Ali cried out in pain, clutching her right leg as he immediately stopped. His fingers froze in mid-air as he realized the future of his daughter’s career could be in major jeopardy.   
“I already know something is wrong. You don’t have to give me that look,” she cried as she smacked the side of the bed.  
Ken froze as he watched Ali fold in half, her body quivering. He kneeled onto the bed and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. He raised her up and brought her into his chest, stroking the back of her sweaty hair that was now tangled and greasy. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be alright,” he whispered as he rubbed her back.   
They heard a knock on the door as a doctor appeared in the doorway. His expression was grim as he saw Ken already comforting Ali. He introduced himself to Ken and urged that he sit down in the chair next to Ali’s bed.   
“Well, Ali, I’ve examined the x-rays and MRI, and they do show a tear to your ACl and MCL,” he said matter of fact as he handed the x-rays and MRI scan to Ken.  
Ken pulled reading glasses out of his jeans pocket and slipped them on to study the images. As much as he didn’t want to see what they showed, it was true; Ali had in fact torn two major ligaments in her leg and knee. He glanced over to see Ali with her head down, threading the bed sheets in between her fingers.  
“So, doc, what does this mean as far as rehabilitation? How soon can she get back on the field? She should be ready to go for the Olympics, right?” Ken asked as he handed the laminated papers back to the doctor.  
The doctor opened his mouth to answer but abruptly closed it when he saw Ali running her fingers over the numbers on the back of her jersey. “Mr. Krieger, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but Ali is going to have to rehabilitate at least nine months for this injury. And by that, I mean she will lose most of the flexibility and strength she already has in that leg. She will have to start over on building all of that up again. She might make it back to the field, but her performance might never be the same.”  
Ken hung his head as he watched Ali clench her fists. She jerked her head up to face the doctor. “What do you mean?” She demanded as her face grew hot with anger.  
The doctor turned from her to Ken, not knowing how to react. “Ali, you’ve suffered two very serious injuries. Right now, your main focus is just to learn how to use that leg again. I’m sorry, but you might not come back from this. My hope is that you do of course, but many athletes find that their performance suffers after an injury like this. I just want you to be aware of that.” He gave her a sympathetic look as she collapsed back onto her pillows. She was silent as the doctor watched her carefully. Suddenly, she grabbed the pitcher of water from the bedside table and threw it across the room, water splashing the white walls and tile floor. Ken sprang up from his chair but Ali had already grabbed her food tray and flung it like a Frisbee at the doctor, making him jump out of the way. “Get out!” She screamed as Ken leaped on the bed to calm his daughter down.  
“Ali, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” the doctor stuttered as he started backing up towards the door.  
“Just give us a minute,” Ken said as he grabbed both of Ali’s arms and held them together to prevent her from throwing anything else.  
The doctor fled the room and hurriedly shut the door behind him. Ali screamed as she fought to get her arms loose from Ken’s strong hold. He pushed her back on the bed, and gently lay on top of her, his palms pushing her shoulders down. She thrashed under him as she kicked her legs furiously. He nestled his head into the crook of his neck as he felt her tears run down onto the side of his face. He rubbed the length of her arms as she finally calmed down and the tension subsided from her body. He watched her eyes close as her fists unclenched. He thought she had made herself drift into sleep after the outburst and heavy pain killers until she whispered so quietly he had to bring his ear right up to her mouth to hear her.  
“It’s over, daddy. It’s all over.” She whimpered as she gripped his arms tightly, tears streaming down her face.  
Ken held his daughter all night, wishing he could sew her broken pieces together, make her whole again. As much as he hated to admit it, he was afraid Ali might be right.


	28. Chapter 28

Ken pulled slowly pulled into the driveway, careful not to slide on any of the icy patches that layered the concrete. Ali hadn’t said a word the entire way home from the airport, prompting Ken to start to worry about her. She was scheduled for surgery in a few days, but the doctors wanted her to rest at home for a while due to her heavy traveling the past week. He opened his door and tiptoed to the passenger side of the car. He opened Ali’s door and she handed him her crutches. The doctors had ordered for her to stay off her leg so she wouldn’t damage it further. She reached out to grasp Ken’s hands and flung her legs around out of the door. She could feel the bitterness of the January cold against her face as Ken lifted her out of the car. He held her up with one hand as he steadied her on the crutches. She slowly inched across the driveway, Ken following closely behind. They reached the front door when Ali startled as someone jumped up from the front stoop. Ashlyn threw the hood of her coat off and stood before Ali, shivering from the cold, her clothes dampened from the freezing temperatures.  
“Ash, what are you doing here?” Ali asked as she heard her dad catch up to her.  
“Go on in,” he called as he reached them. He stopped when he saw Ashlyn standing on the front porch, a black duffel bag in her hand. “Ashlyn, how are you?” He asked. He tried to sound surprised, but he knew Ashlyn would eventually show up. He didn’t know what kind of friendship she and Ali had, but he knew she cared about Ali deeply. He was happy to see that someone cared about her so much, in fact.  
“I’m okay. I hope it’s alright that I’m here,” she asked nervously.  
“Of course it is. Go ahead and go inside,” Ken said warmly as he smiled at her.  
Ashlyn smiled back and watched Ali still fumbling for the right words. “You didn’t have to come all the way here,” she started as Ken pushed her in the back gently.  
“Let’s get inside, honey,” he said as he ushered her towards the front door.  
“I’ll get your bags,” Ashlyn said as she stood aside for them to pass her. She watched Ali turn around to look at her as she passed her in the doorway.  
Ashlyn shuddered not from the cold but from knowing she’d be staying under the same roof as Ali, if Ali agreed to that. She retrieved the bags from the car and proceeded inside. Ali was sitting in the living room as Ken propped her leg up on a footstool.   
“I’ll make some hot chocolate,” he announced as he veered into the kitchen.  
Ali laid motionless as Ashlyn dumped the bags off by the staircase and shuffled to the living room. She could see that Ali looked exhausted, dark circles outlining her eyes. Her face was sunken and withdrawn. Her hair was matted and greasy, obviously lacking being washed since her injury.  
“I hope it’s okay that I’m here,” Ashlyn said as she sat down on the sofa across from Ali.  
“I don’t care, Ashlyn. I don’t care about anything,” she said as she slowly closed her eyes and threaded her hands on top of her stomach.  
Ken came back into the room carrying two mugs of steaming hot chocolate. He handed one to Ashlyn and set the other one down on the table next to Ali’s seat. “I’m going to run into town for a few things. Do you two need anything?” He said as he fished his car keys out of his pants pocket.  
Ashlyn turned to Ali who didn’t say anything. “I’m okay, thanks though, Mr. Krieger,” she said politely.  
“Please, call me Ken,” he said as he waved her off.  
Even though this was the first time meeting Ali’s dad, he made it seem as though they didn’t need a formal introduction, like she was already accepted into their household. Ashlyn felt a strange sense of nostalgia as she remembered the last time she and Ali had been here. She felt good to know that her dad had already taken a liking to her without even having met her.  
“Al, how about my famous clam chowder for dinner tonight,” Ken said as he winked at Ashlyn.  
“I don’t care, whatever you want to make,” Ali mumbled.  
Ken bit his lip as he watched the mess his daughter had become. He had never seen he this withdrawn before. He was even more thankful for Ashlyn’s surprise visit, hoping it would help Ali out of her slump.  
“Well, I’ll be back later. Al, just call me if you need anything. Ashlyn, help yourself to anything.” He started down the hallway but turned back, rattling his car keys.  
“Ali, maybe try to take a shower sometime,” he said lightly as he cringed.  
Ali shot her head up and glared at him. “Bye, dad,” she said hatefully as she shook her head.  
He hung his head as he walked back to the front door. Ashlyn heard the door shut and an engine roar to life as he backed out of the driveway. She got up from her seat and walked over to the entertainment center, an array of pictures catching her eye. Ali’s elementary school pictures lined the shelves as her medals dangled from trophies. Ashlyn saw a picture of a young boy that looked very similar to Ali.   
“Who’s this?” She asked, pointing to the trophy.  
Ali leaned forward in her seat, seeing who Ashlyn was pointing to. “That’s Kyle, my older brother,” she replied.  
“I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned him before,” Ashlyn wondered aloud.  
“Well, it’s not like you’ve shared much about your life with me either,” Ali said hastily.  
Ashlyn let out a breath of air as she sat back down across from Ali. “Here we are again.”  
“We always come back to this, don’t we?” Ali said as her face softened.  
“It’s our curse,” Ashlyn replied.  
Ali lowered her eyes as she picked at a loose piece of skin on her thumb. “The best curse,” she whispered.  
Ashlyn jumped up from the sofa and had Ali in her arms before she could even look up. Ali instinctively squeezed Ashlyn’s shoulders, smelling her sweet, intoxicating cologne. Ashlyn could feel the soft muscles of Ali’s back. “I miss this. You have no idea how much I want this to work,” Ashlyn said as tears started welling in her eyes.  
Ali clamped her eyes shut and smiled as she heard the words she had been so desperate to hear ever since everything had transpired between them. “It has to work. There’s nobody else,” Ali said as a ball started to form in her throat. She was overwhelmed with the injury, the downfall of her relationship with Ashlyn, Ashlyn surprising her by flying all the way to Virginia.   
Ashlyn let go of her and looked at her fiercely. If looks could kill, Ashlyn would be lying on the floor lifeless. As disheveled as Ali was, she still looked beautiful. Ashlyn had never seen her look anything less.   
“C’mon,” Ashlyn said as she held out her hand, a makeshift peace offering.  
Without questioning her, Ali grabbed her hand and was lifted out of her seat. Ashlyn grabbed her crutches and helped Ali position herself between them. Ashlyn took a few steps backwards out of the living room, coaxing Ali to do the same. Ali slowly crutched to the staircase as Ashlyn led the way. At the base of the steps Ali gazed up the staircase as a look of defeat spread across her face.  
“What are we doing? I can’t get all the way up there,” she said as she started to put her crutches down on the wooden bench at the base of the steps.  
Ashlyn watched her put the crutches down and then swooped her up in one motion, noting how Ali had lost a considerable amount of weight in just the past week. Ali screeched as she was lifted off of her feet and into Ashlyn’s sturdy arms. “Ashlyn, what the hell are you doing?”  
Ashlyn ignored her as she began climbing the steps. She felt Ali clutch her arm as she carefully made her way up the staircase. Ali melted like butter in her arms as she held her tight the entire way up. They reached the landing and Ashlyn looked down at Ali. She felt adoration pour from Ali’s eyes. Nobody had ever looked at her like that before. Ali turned her head to face the hallway that led to her room. Ashlyn smiled and playfully tossed Ali into the air as she jogged to her bedroom and closed the door. She threw Ali down on the bed, careful not to hurt her leg. Ali squealed as Ashlyn climbed on top of her. While every fiber in Ashlyn’s body wanted to just rip Ali’s clothes off, she simply just wanted to be as close to her as she could. She put her head down on Ali’s chest, feeling Ali’s racing heartbeat beneath her ear. Ali stroked her hair as Ashlyn wished she could have this moment every single day.  
“Ash, I really have to get in the shower. Do you mind?” Ali said as she self-consciously smelled her hair and winced.  
Ashlyn groaned as she sat upright. “No, that’s okay.” She leaned in to Ali and pretended to smell her. “You do need a shower,” she said as she pinched her nose.  
Ali punched her in the shoulder, hitting her harder than she meant to.   
“Geeze,” Ashlyn said as she held her arm, lifting her sleeve to see that a small, dark blue bruise had formed. “I was only kidding.”  
“That wasn’t for your comment,” Ali said as she scooted to the end of the bed. She took Ashlyn’s face in between her hands, holding it firmly. “I’ve missed you, Ashlyn Harris. Don’t take so long to come back next time.”  
Ashlyn smiled and leaned forward to kiss Ali’s soft lips. She felt intoxicated when she pulled away, as if she had consumed a drug she hadn’t tasted in eternity. Ali got up from the bed and hobbled to the bathroom, stumbling as she opened the door. Ashlyn sprang up and caught her, steadying her in the doorway. “Can I help you?” Ashlyn asked as she looked to the shower.  
Ali looked to the shower and hesitated as the room spun before her. She felt cautiously adventurous as she decided how to answer. She wanted this more than anything but was scared to go that much further with Ashlyn and have it end up in flames again. When it was all said and done she didn’t want to just be left with memories.  
“Al,” Ashlyn said as she brushed the loose pieces of hair off of Ali’s sticky forehead.  
“Get the water warmed up,” Ali said as she quietly closed the door.  
Ashlyn eyes lit up as reached into the shower and turned on the hot water, although her temperature was already starting to readily rise. Water splashed the tiles in the shower as a gentle steam filled the room. Ali sat down on the toilet seat, not wanting to fall on the slick tile. Ashlyn slowly kneeled down before her and peeled off her thick, wool socks. She massaged Ali’s calloused feet as she leaned back against the wall. She lifted her arms and Ashlyn tenderly slid Ali’s shirt over her head. Her tanned skin glowed under the fluorescent lighting. Her loose strands of hair kissed her neckline. Ashlyn put her hands on Ali’s upper stomach, just under her breasts, caressing her skin lightly. Ali covered Ashlyn’s hands with her own and guided them under her black sports bra. Ashlyn could feel the warmth of Ali’s skin as her hands navigated her chest. Ashlyn cupped Ali’s breasts in her hands, feelings her nipples harden against the palm of her hand. Ali moaned as Ashlyn gently squeezed and rubbed Ali’s small, round breasts. Ali tangled her hands in Ashlyn’s hair as Ashlyn continued to work her way around the back of Ali’s bra. She unclamped it and shed it from Ali’s chest. Ashlyn groaned deeply as she admired the curves of Ali’s breasts, her neck bones popping out of her upper chest, her sharp jawline. Ali pushed herself against Ashlyn’s shoulders to stand. Steam swirled around them as the mirror above the sink became blurry. The tile on the floor became slick with condensation. Ashlyn felt like she was suffocating from the heat, but didn’t want to fight for air with anyone else. She watched as Ali untied the grey drawstring on her sweatpants and let them fall loosely to the ground. Sweat broke out on Ashlyn’s forehead as she watched Ali stand almost naked in front of her wearing nothing now but a thin, dark purple thong. The muscles in Ali’s legs strained as she shuffled her weight between both legs. She snapped the thong against her pelvis, making Ashlyn’s throat constrict. She watched Ashlyn watch her with hungry eyes. She stroked her stomach, slowly working her way down. She reached her hands down into her underwear pretending to slide them down as she smiled.   
Ashlyn’s mouth dropped open as she felt heat in between her thighs. Ali rolled down the top part of her thong, revealing a pale area of skin. Ashlyn could see a tattoo peaking underneath the fabric, the number 22 along with the Penn State logo, Ali’s alma mater. Ali pulled down the thong the rest of the way, showing pieces of herself bit by bit. Ashlyn’s eyes glazed over as she watched the purple lace fall to the ground next to Ali’s pile of discarded clothes. Ashlyn looked her up and down swearing she had never seen anything as breathtaking as what she was seeing right now. She took a few steps closer to Ali and engulfed her in a hug, feeling Ali wrap her arms around Ashlyn’s middle. Ashlyn waltzed them to the shower, sliding back the shower curtain. A spray of mist spit at their faces as Ashlyn lifted Ali into the shower, settling her under the steady stream of warm water spilling from the shower head. Ali leaned back to wet her hair as Ashlyn quickly discarded her clothes. Ali could feel a hint of cold air enter the shower as Ashlyn stepped inside. Ali blinked from the water that had blurred her face to take in the sight of clothes less Ashlyn Harris before her. Ali noticed how much thinner she was without her baggy clothes on, her body tight and toned. Her light blonde hair grew with volume from the humidity forming ringlets that framed her face. Ali admired Ashlyn’s long torso, her colorful mermaid tattoo that snaked around her middle and up her back. Her sharp cheekbones jutted out as she smiled at Ali.   
Ali motioned for her to come closer as she stood back to let the water hit Ashlyn. Droplets of water trickled down Ashlyn’s body as she smoothed her hands over her stomach and lower abdomen. She leaned forward and let the spray drench her hair. She flipped her head back and pulled on Ali’s chin to bring her in for a kiss. The water streamed between them as Ashlyn pushed Ali’s shoulders to back her against the white, tile wall. Ali could taste Ashlyn’s wet lips as the water pattered loudly against the shower floor. Ashlyn broke away and grabbed a wash cloth hanging on a shelf in the shower. She squeezed shower gel from a plastic tube onto the light green cloth and rubbed it against her hand. She placed the cloth on Ali’s neck, lathering it all around her body, colorful soap suds popping around them. No matter how messy things had gotten between them lately, Ashlyn was determined to clean them up for good, one cleanse at a time.


	29. Chapter 29

Ashlyn left Ali to change into her pajamas as she ventured downstairs to see if Ken had returned from the store. She heard clattering in the kitchen as she descended the wooden staircase. She found him boiling water on the stove, several pots and pans lining the counter tops. He saw her come in and smiled. “I’m not the best cook, but my soup is to die for,” he said as he stirred a bubbling liquid in another pot on the stove.  
Ashlyn smiled as she pulled out a barstool at the counter and sat down. She recalled the night she was pinned up against this very counter, Ali enclosing her with kisses and wine droplets.   
“Did Ali finally get in the shower?” He asked.  
Ashlyn tried not to blush as she quickly glanced down at the counter top, counting the tiny scratches in the granite. “Yeah, she did,” she said, flipping through the images of a fully naked Ali.  
“She can be pretty stubborn. She gets that from her mother,” he said as he opened a cabinet and pulled out three bowls. He set them on the counter and gave the pot another quick stir before leaning against the counter to face Ashlyn. “I know this is our first time meeting, but I feel like I already know you. Ali talks about you all the time,” he said.  
Ashlyn’s eyebrows raised, surprised that Ali talked to her family about her when she was so scared of their secret getting out. “Really?”   
“You know, it’s funny. Ali’s usually not the type to get really close with people. She’s not anti-social or anything, she just likes to stick to business. I was happy when she found somebody she could actually have some fun with and relate to. You seem good for her,” Ken said as he grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge.  
“Ali’s been a good friend,” Ashlyn said, not sure if Ali had told Ken the extent of their relationship.  
Ken nodded as he poured himself a glass. Rich, red wine filled the glass, the same wine Ashlyn and Ali had drank the night they realized their inevitable feelings for each other. “Ali has said you’ve been a good friend too.”  
Ashlyn breathed a sigh of relief and disappointment. Relief because she wouldn’t have to have the awkward relationship talk with Ken. Disappointed because Ali still hadn’t faced the fact that she and Ashlyn were definitely more than just good friends. Ken saw the look of letdown on Ashlyn’s face as he poured her a glass and slid it across the table. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you and Ali. I know that ‘friends’ don’t look at each other the way you two do, but that’s honestly none of my business. Just know that Ali cares about you very much and doesn’t want anything to get in the way of that. She’s very protective of her life and everything in it. Just be patient with her. She’ll come around.” He looked at her assuring as he took another sip.  
“I’m not going to lose her this time,” Ashlyn confessed as she circled the rim of her glass with her index finger.  
“I know you’re not. Ashlyn, like I said, this is our first time meeting each other, but you have my blessing. However this works out; just know that I trust you with my only daughter. I couldn’t have picked a better person for her.”   
Ashlyn looked up at him, tears in her eyes. “But you really don’t know me. How do you know that I’m the right one?”  
“Because the way that you love Ali is unlike any love I’ve ever seen. Welcome to the family, kid,” Ken said as he raised his glass.  
Ashlyn broke out into a wide smile as she raised her glass and clinked it with Ken’s, her initiation into the Krieger family. Ken set his glass down and walked around the counter as Ashlyn got up from her chair. He pulled her into a big hug, squeezing her tightly. She wrapped her arms around him like she used to do when her dad would come home late at night to wake her up to surprise her with one of his infamous hugs. “Thank you for everything,” Ashlyn said as she brushed tears out of her eyes.  
Ken let go of her and patted her on the back as he walked back to the stove. Ashlyn turned around to see Ali standing in the doorway, clearly just having witnessed the moment she had just shared with her father. “What’s going on?” She asked as she cautiously tiptoed into the kitchen.  
Ken turned around and winked at Ashlyn. “Nothing, hun, just preparing for our little family dinner. Go ahead and sit down.”  
Ashlyn felt her heart fill up like a helium balloon, full and ready to take off at the sound her being called family. Ali took a seat next to Ashlyn at the table as Ken handed both of them bowls of soup. Ken sat down across from them and smiled as he watched his beautiful daughter exchange glances at the beautiful woman sitting next to her. And the three of them sat at the table all night as heavy snow fell outside. They talked, laughed, cried, and told stories to each other. And for the first time in her entire life, Ashlyn was finally starting to feel like she belonged, like she had a real family to turn to. She was home.


	30. Chapter 30

The room was cold and dark as Ali saw doctors and nurses buzzing around the room, many of them shouting to each other. She felt a prick in her arm as a large needle was inserted into her forearm; dark red blood filled the syringe. Her heart felt like it was going to burst open as she clutched her chest. She opened her mouth to ask the doctors what was going on, but she couldn’t get the words out. The machines she was hooked up to beeped loudly as she saw her heart rate dropping on the monitor screen. Fear started to rise in her stomach as she saw her mom and dad peeking through the small square window in the door. They had panic in their eyes as they watched her sink deeper and deeper into the unknown. Her vision started to become blurry as she reached out to touch one of the nurses. Her arm couldn’t make contact no matter how far she stretched. She started to cry as she saw the lines on the heart monitor machine grow flatter and flatter, like mountains suddenly turning to straight roads. Her whole body began to tense preventing her from moving at all. The room was spinning around her as darkness settled between her. This was it. She was on the other side.

 

Ali violently sat up in her bed, sweat pouring from her forehead. Her heart was hammering against her ribcage as she grabbed a fistful of sheets. She panted loudly as Ashlyn stirred beside her. Ashlyn turned over to see Ali as white as the bed sheets, a look of terror spread out on her face.  
“Ali, what’s wrong?” She said as she sat up and put her arm around Ali’s shoulders.  
Ali was still breathing heavily as she reached out to touch Ashlyn’s leg, making sure she was alive and real. “I just had a weird dream is all.”  
“About what?” Ashlyn asked as she looked at Ali with concern.  
“Nothing, let’s just go back to sleep. We have to get up early for my surgery.” Ali lay back down, fluffing the pillows beneath her head.  
Ashlyn lay down, too, not keeping her eyes off Ali. Ali turned over, scooting her butt into Ashlyn’s middle. She always did feel safer if she had Ashlyn sleeping behind her. Ashlyn rubbed her back as she could feel the tension in Ali’s shoulder blades.  
“Al?” Ashlyn asked.  
Ali was silent as she tilted her head up, signaling for Ashlyn to ask her what she wanted.   
“Are you nervous about your surgery?” Ashlyn asked as she looped a strand of Ali’s hair around her pinky finger.  
Ali sighed as she put her head back down on her pillow. “I just have bad experiences with hospitals is all,” she replied as she tried to avoid memories of one of the worst nights of her life.  
“Are you remembering the night you had your blood clot?” Ashlyn asked as she snuggled up to Ali, resting her chin on her shoulder.  
She could feel Ali’s shoulders tense as she replayed the events of that night. “I’m scared, Ash,” she whimpered as she grabbed Ashlyn’s hand and held it tightly.  
Ashlyn peppered her ear with kisses as she held her. She could feel her shaking. “Talk to me,” Ashlyn encouraged her.  
Ali traced Ashlyn’s fingernails with her index finger as she took a deep breath. 

December 2005  
Ali was recovering well from her surgery a month ago as doctors inserted a few plates into her leg. She had broken it during a scrimmage last month with the Penn State Men’s soccer team. Now that the holidays were near she was flying to see her mother, Deb, in Miami, Florida for a few days. She gazed out the window as the man in the seat next to her snored loudly. She wanted to get up and stretch her legs, but that was hard to do with her crutches. She slept soundly until the plane landed with a loud thud on the runway, jolting her awake. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and peered out the window, bright sunlight greeting her.   
The passengers began filing off the plane as Ali retrieved her bag from the overhead storage compartment. She fumbled with her crutches as she slung the bag over her shoulder. She began to crutch to the end of the plane, noticing that her leg was in considerable pain. She reminded herself to take some pain killers once she got to her mom’s house.   
She crutched to the lobby of the airport where she saw her mom waiting for her by the exit doors. Ali waved at her as Deb jogged over. She smiled ear to ear as she hugged her daughter. She couldn’t help but admire how much more she looked like her every time she saw her.  
“How was your flight?” Deb asked as she grabbed Ali’s bag from her and slipped it over her own shoulder.  
“It was alright, my leg just hurts a little bit,” Ali said as she tried not to wince too much. She never liked to worry her mom.  
“We’ll have you take some pain killers when we get home. I’m sure it’ll be sore for a while,” she said as she led the way out of the front doors.  
Ali followed her, her heart noticeably racing with each crutch. By the time they reached Deb’s car, Ali was exhausted. She leaned up against the passenger side of the car, panting.  
“Ali, are you okay?” Deb asked as she opened the trunk.  
“I’m just so tired. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired,” Ali said as she struggled to keep her eyes open.  
Deb walked around to her and put a hand on her back. “Maybe you just need a nap. You’ve had a busy past few weeks. C’mon, let’s get you home,” she said as she opened the door for her.  
Ali climbed in and rested her head against the window of the car, sleeping peacefully until they pulled into the driveway. Deb had just moved into a small bungalow on a quiet street just outside of Miami. After she and Ken split, she decided she didn’t enjoy Virginia winters anymore and moved to where it was warm year around. She saw Ali wake up as Deb got out to help her out of the car.  
“Mom, my leg is still in pain,” Ali said as Deb opened the door. Ali grabbed her hands and almost fell forward as Deb caught her.  
“You haven’t been working out either. Your strength is almost nonexistent,” Deb said as she watched Ali struggle to her feet. She handed her the crutches and ordered her to go inside while she got the bags. She watched Ali crutch slowly to the front door, stopping for short breaks. “You need to take some medicine and get some sleep. I’m sure you’re just exhausted from all this travel,” Deb said as she caught up to her. She knew that Ali had flown with the team to a tournament and then flew to see her dad in Virginia before flying here. She helped Ali inside and settled her on the sofa in the living room. She brought her a glass of water and a Dixie cup full of little white pills. Ali dropped the pills into her mouth and took a big swig of water as she rested her head on the red square throw pillow. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Her leg was now throbbing as Ali kissed her mother’s cheek goodbye and crutched to her terminal. She was on her way back to Penn State for the spring semester. Deb gave her orders to call her once she got back to her apartment. Ali noticed how she was short of breath just walking down the hallway to her gate. She boarded the plane and instead of taking her seat decided to go to the bathroom first. She shoved her bag into the compartment above her seat and crutched to the back of the plane. She opened the tiny bathroom door and let herself inside. She gripped the metal sink as she felt her heart pounding, struggling with each beat. Her leg throbbed in pain as she rubbed her temples. She knew something was wrong, she just didn’t know what. She knew her behavior wasn’t normal. She was an athlete. Although she hadn’t been practicing in over a month or working out lately, she still shouldn’t be struggling to catch her breath after just a short walk. Hoping the pain would eventually wear off she splashed cold water on her face and returned to her seat. By the time she was buckled back in she was exhausted again. She could barely stay awake for take- off as she felt her stomach drop as the plane ascended high into the sky. 

Ali handed the cab driver a handful of dollar bills as she stepped out of the cab. She had slept the whole car ride from the airport and could barely keep her eyes open to crutch up the sidewalk into her apartment. She felt her heart flutter as she breathed heavily. She turned the key in the lock to her apartment and stumbled inside, gasping for air. She sat down on the couch and texted her boyfriend, Brent, to see if he wanted to come over. She and Brent had only been dating for a few months, but he always tried to keep up with Ali’s schedule and health regimens. He was studying pre-med so he took health and fitness very seriously. He replied that he would be over in a few minutes as he was just finishing a workout at the fitness center. Ali lied down on the couch and closed her eyes, her leg aching in pain. Not wanting to sleep the rest of the night away, she crutched to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She gathered water in a large pot and put it on the stove to boil. She crutched to her bedroom to grab a sweatshirt when her legs gave out from under her. She gripped the wooden doorway as she slumped to the floor, clenching her chest. Her heart felt as if it was being ripped in half. She heard a knock on the door as Brent appeared. He called out to her as he walked towards her bedroom. He saw her sitting in the doorway and raced over to her.  
“Ali, are you alright?” He asked as he tenderly touched her arm.  
“Something’s wrong,” she gasped as perspiration dotted her forehead.  
“Ali, you’re sweating, have you been working out?” He noticed her heavy breathing.  
“No, I can’t even crutch to the other side of the room without getting out of breath, and my leg hurts like hell. I don’t know what’s going on.”  
Brent looked at her alarmingly as he immediately pushed her pant leg up. He failed at hiding his worried reaction as he saw her leg was swollen to twice its size. “Stay right here, I’m going to get my bag,” he said as he got up and ran out of the room.  
Ali touched her leg as she felt the knots that lined it like little hills on a roadmap. The knots were warm to the touch as Ali applied pressure. She winced in pain as Brent returned to the room wearing a stethoscope. He placed the cool metal scope on Ali’s chest and listened attentively. “Breathe normal,” he ordered as he kept his eyes on her.  
“I am,” Ali said, barely able to get the words out.  
Brent removed the scope and pulled out his cellphone to dial 911. “Ali, we’ve got to get you to the hospital.”

Brent stormed into the ER waiting room carrying Ali in his arms like a baby.   
“Brent, put me down, what are you doing?” She snapped as she watched him storm up to the front desk.   
“She needs to be seen right away,” he barked as the secretary looked at him and rolled her eyes.  
“She’ll need to wait her turn. Everybody says they need to be seen right away,” she replied as she continued tapping on her keyboard.  
Ignoring her, Brent carried her through the back doors, into the admitting rooms. The secretary got up from her seat chasing them down.  
“I need a doctor!” Brent yelled as he peered into the rooms that lined the busy hallway.  
A young nurse, no older than her mid-twenties, appeared from one of the rooms. She knew Brent from medical school. “Brent, what’s going on?” She said attentively as she saw the look of horror on his face.   
“Get her a doctor. Something is terribly wrong,” he said as he put her on a gurney and wheeled her into an empty room.

Ali was shaking as Ashlyn held her close. “I just remember being 21 years old and not knowing if I was going to live. I had never been so scared,” she sobbed as she recalled her young adult self without a care in the world. “I’m so scared that’s going to happen again. What if something happens and I never play soccer again? What if there are a lot of things I never do again? I’m not ready to say goodbye, Ash.”  
“You’re not going to have to,” Ashlyn said as she planted a kiss on Ali’s temple. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”  
Ali brought Ashlyn’s hand close to her mouth as she lightly kissed her knuckles. As much as she wanted Ashlyn to save her from all of this, she didn’t know if she could this time.


	31. Chapter 31

Ali felt herself growing drowsy as doctors filtered in and out of the hospital room. Her mom and dad were sitting outside the room while Ashlyn sat beside her, hoping to provide comfort to her in her last few minutes before going in for surgery. Ashlyn held her hand as Ali struggled to keep her eyes open. She kept seeing Ashlyn's outline fade as she spoke to her.   
"I'll be right here once you get out. Everything is going to be okay," she said as she gripped Ali's hand tighter.   
Ali felt her body turn to stone as she was unable to move now. She couldn't even form words to reply back to Ashlyn. All of the noise faded as she prepared for her next journey. 

 

Warm sunlight filled the kitchen as Ali meandered down the stairs in nothing but one of Ashlyn's old t-shirts and a lacy pair of underwear. She could smell a sweet aroma as she peeked into the kitchen and saw Ashlyn standing over the stove, a pan of golden French toast slowly cooking. Ashlyn heard her come in and smiled with sleep in her eyes. Her expression was lazy and soft as the corners of her eyes creased with small wrinkles. Her baggy black sweatpants hung loosely on her hips as she lifted her shirt up to scratch her tanned stomach.   
"I've got some breakfast for you," she said as she pointed to the almost finished French toast on the skillet.   
"It smells wonderful," Ali said as she pecked Ashlyn on the cheek and buried her face in her chest.   
"How about some coffee?" Ashlyn asked as she reached around her to grab a coffee mug from the counter.   
"Mmm, that sounds great," Ali said as she closed her eyes and tried to burn this memory into her heart forever. There was absolutely nothing better than these little moments she shared with Ashlyn.   
Ashlyn handed her the mug and ushered her to a seat at the table. "Relax for a minute. This is almost done," Ashlyn said with a wide toothed grin.   
Ali didn't argue as she sat down and took a sip of her coffee. She smiled over the rim of her cup as Ashlyn always remembered how she liked it. She could hear the stove turn off as Ashlyn put the French toast pieces on a large platter and started for the door. She opened the glass door to the back deck, revealing their wooden table decorated with two place settings and a steaming pot of coffee in the middle. There were fresh picked flowers in an empty wine bottle in the middle of the table, all pink roses, Ali's favorite. Ali gasped as she took in the sight of it all.   
"Ashlyn, did you do all this?" She asked as she smelled the flowers.   
Ashlyn just winked at her and flashed her guilty smile as she set the platter down next to the flowers. The ocean was roaring in the distance, a beautiful crystal blue. The sun was warm and inviting, not too warm, but warm enough for an early morning. Ali walked over to the edge of the deck, placing her hands on the railing. She leaned over and could taste the salt from the ocean. The wind blew gently as she breathed in the sweet, sensational air. Ashlyn crept up behind her and wrapped her arms around Ali's middle. She planted kisses all along Ali's neck line as she felt Ali melt into her. Suddenly, Ali turned around with her eyes closed, and put her hands on Ashlyn's chest, right over her heart.   
"I want this every day. It's you, Ashlyn. It's always been you."   
Ashlyn took a deep breath before she spoke. She covered Ali's hands with hers and placed her forehead against Ali's. "If I had to sum up the definition of happiness, this would be it. You would be it. It's always been us."


	32. Chapter 32

Ashlyn paid for her cup of black coffee as she looked down again at her watch. Ali still had another hour or so in surgery. Ken and Debbie were waiting in the waiting room and invited Ashlyn to join them, but Ashlyn felt a pang of nervousness growing in her stomach as she contemplated sitting down with the two of them for at least an hour. She was already in good graces with Ken, but hadn’t met Debbie yet. She didn’t know what Ali had told her mother about Ashlyn, if she had even told her anything. Deciding to avoid them a little longer, Ashlyn spotted an empty table by a big, open window, revealing the hospital’s courtyard. Ashlyn settled at the table, peering out the frosted window. Thick blankets of snow covered the ground, seeming as if spring would never come. The wind blew sharply against the glass, a cold draft grazing Ashlyn’s face. She watched a trio of nurses hurry into the cafeteria from the blistery courtyard when she felt a hand on her back. She turned her head to see Ken standing above her, a tray of food in his hand.  
“Mind if I sit?” He asked as he pulled out a chair to sit down anyway.  
“Not at all,” Ashlyn said genuinely as she took a sip of her coffee.  
Ken began un-wrapping the plastic around his sandwich, offering half to Ashlyn. She shook her head no as she smiled politely. “The doctor came out and told us she’s doing great. She’ll be done in about an hour,” he said as he sank his teeth into the thick bread.  
“That’s good,” Ashlyn sighed as she rubbed her hand down along the side of her face.  
“Deb is still in the waiting room,” Ken said as he wiped his mouth with a brown paper napkin and swallowed hard. “I’m sure she’d like to talk to you.”  
Ashlyn avoided looking at him as she fixed her eyes on the harsh landscapes outside. It’s not that she was afraid of Ali’s mom; it was just that she was afraid of what her reaction might be. She didn’t want to have to be the one to break the news to her about her and Ali if Ali hadn’t done so yet. Sensing Ashlyn’s apprehension, Ken broke his candy bar in half and pushed it toward her.   
“Deb is incredibly accepting. I know we’re divorced, but I always admired that about her. Just go talk to her. I know she’s been wanting to meet you.” Ken patted her hand as she slowly grabbed the candy bar. She stood up from her chair and slid the chocolate into her pocket.  
“I’ll see you up there soon then?” She asked.  
He nodded as he shooed her away. She reached into her pocket and took a bite of the chocolate, remembering how good candy used to taste. She hardly ever let herself consume junk food while she was training. She reached the elevator bank and punched in the number of the surgery floor. She gave herself a mini pep talk as the elevator slowly ascended the hospital floors. She rehearsed some conversation topics she could bring up to Deb if all else failed. The elevator door opened, revealing her possible fate. She stepped out and took a deep breath, thinking for a split second she could just disappear for the rest of the morning. She walked out to the waiting room where she saw the spitting image of Ali sitting cross legged in a cushioned chair, a magazine spread out on her lap. Ashlyn walked over to her as knots twisted inside her stomach. Deb looked up when she heard her and sprang up from her seat.  
“Did you get something to eat, sweetie? I could have Ken go get you something if you don’t want the hospital food,” she said as she reached out to touch Ashlyn’s face.  
Ashlyn raised her eyebrows in pleasant surprise of Deb’s kindness. Deb had just briefly met her less than an hour ago and was treating her as if she was her own child.  
“I’m alright, Ms. Krieger, I’m actually not that hungry.”  
“Honey, please call me Deb. I’m not ready for all that formal talk. Here, sit down,” she said as she pointed to the chair next to her.  
Ashlyn sat down and was taken aback by how beautiful Deb was. She knew exactly where Ali had gotten her looks from. Deb’s hair was short and silky, a deep auburn color. Her eyes were the color of cappuccino and her facial structure was flawless. Her smile was so radiant it lit up her entire face. Her teeth were a perfect array of pearly whites.   
“I am so happy that you are here,” Deb said as she smiled warmly. “Ali is so blessed to have you as a friend.”  
Ashlyn tried to conceal her disappointment when Deb referred to her as Ali’s ‘friend’. While she was used to that introduction by now, she was secretly hoping Ali had told her mom about them. She was so tired of having to keep everything a secret from certain people.  
“I wouldn’t have missed it. I really care about Ali,” Ashlyn said.  
“I know you do. I can tell you do,” she smiled as she opened her magazine and began scanning the pages.   
Ashlyn could feel silence settle between them as Ashlyn racked her brain for something to talk about. She wanted to make a great impression, but didn’t want to give any details of her and Ali’s relationship away, especially since Ali obviously hadn’t told her mother the whole story yet. Suddenly, Deb abruptly closed the magazine and flung it to the table next to her. She swiveled around in her chair to face Ashlyn.   
“Ashlyn, I’ve never been the type to not say what’s on my mind, so I’m just going to say it. It drives the kids and Ken nuts sometimes, but it’s just the way I am. But, Ali told me about you two. Mostly everything. How you two got together, and what led you here.”  
Ashlyn swallowed hard as the knots loosened in her stomach. She was both relieved and terrified that Ali had told her mother about their tumultuous but insanely romantic relationship. “Wow,” was all Ashlyn managed to say as she looked at Deb with a longing glance.  
Deb grabbed Ashlyn’s hand and held it between two of hers. “I just wanted to let you know that I support Ali with my whole heart. I don’t care who she wants to be with as long as she is treated right. Ashlyn, I’ve never seen Ali speak of anyone the way she speaks of you. Never in my life have I ever seen that pure of emotions in my daughter’s eyes when she talks about you. Just know that I support you, too, and know you’ll take very good care of my Alex. I trust you with her life.”  
Tears swelled in Ashlyn’s eyes like tidal waves as she gained the acceptance of the incredible woman sitting next to her. “You have no idea how much that means to me. I will always protect Ali. She makes me want to do better every day,” Ashlyn said as hot, salty tears streamed down her face.  
“You are always welcome in our family, Ashlyn. We’re so happy to finally meet you,” Deb said as she pulled her into a hug. Ashlyn wrapped her arms around Deb’s neck smelling her soft perfume. She and Ali used the same shampoo. “I have another girl to go shopping with!” Deb yelled as she let go of Ashlyn and pumped her fists in the air.  
Ashlyn burst out laughing as she couldn’t help but fall in love with Deb. Her sense of humor, acceptance, and open mind made Ashlyn feel more comfortable than she had ever felt, even with her own family. The two sat across from each other for the next hour, Deb telling Ashlyn hilarious stories about Ali as a child. Ashlyn spoke about her and Ali’s first time meeting, how she instantly was intrigued to Ali and how much she had always hoped for this moment right this second, her meeting Ali’s mom, crying and laughing over the one thing they all now had in common, Alexandra Blaire Krieger.

 

Deb had just finished telling Ashlyn a story about Ali giving herself a haircut when she was four when the doctor stepped into the waiting room. They both stood up as the doctor took off his surgical cap and untied his face mask. The mask unveiled a smiling face as the doctor beamed at them. “She did fantastic. We repaired everything that was injured and I honestly think she’ll make a full recovery. You’ll be able to see her in a few minutes,” he said as he extended his hand to shake Deb’s and Ashlyn’s. Deb pulled him into a hug, grateful for the man who took care of her daughter. Ken slapped Ashlyn on the back, his eyes full of optimism. The three continued to wait in the waiting room when a nurse came out to inform them that Ali was now ready for visitors.   
“You two go ahead, I’ll go after,” Ashlyn said as she encouraged Ken and Deb to see Ali first. She knew they were anxious to see their daughter. She watched them turn down the hall as she smiled about the events that had transpired over the past few hours. The more time she spent with Ali’s family, the more at home she felt. She felt nothing but gratitude for the Krieger’s and the amazing woman that put them on her path.   
Several minutes passed by as Deb and Ken returned to the waiting room. “She wants to see you,” Deb said with tired eyes as she settled back into her chair. “You were the first thing she asked about.”  
“Yeah, she pretty much kicked us out when she realized you weren’t in the room with us,” Ken said as he winked at Ashlyn.  
“She can be feisty. She must get that from her mom,” Ashlyn said playfully as she stood up from her chair and stretched.  
Ken chuckled as he shot a glance over to Deb who animatedly crossed her arms and pretended to pout.   
“No comment,” Ken said humorously as he told Ashlyn what room Ali was in.  
Ashlyn started down the hall, anxious to see Ali. She found her room and pushed the door open, the room dark and cold. She could see Ali sitting upright in the bed, struggling to keep her eyes open. Ashlyn crossed the room in two steps and gathered Ali into her arms. She patted her hair as Ali opened her eyes halfway.  
“Ash,” Ali said as she collapsed against Ashlyn’s shoulder.  
“It’s okay, I’m here,” Ashlyn said as she stroked Ali’s cheek.  
Ali was silent as her breathing deepened. Ashlyn could see the bottles of pain killers lined up on the table against her bed. The doctors did say she would be in a significant amount of pain at first. Ashlyn thought she had drifted to sleep when she heard her whispering. Ashlyn lowered her head to try to hear her, but still couldn’t make the words out.  
“Ali, what are saying?” She asked.  
“You were making French toast,” Ali said, her voice drifting again.  
Ashlyn laughed. “I was what? What are you talking about?”  
Ali was silent for longer this time, fighting desperately to stay awake to tell Ashlyn of her dream. Her eyes fluttered open again as she spoke. “You were in our kitchen making French toast. Then we ate outside, on our deck overlooking the ocean. You were beautiful,” she said as her eyes clamped shut once more.   
“Ali, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ashlyn said as she squeezed Ali’s cheeks to see if she’d awake again to finish the rest of the story.   
Ali was already snoring as Ashlyn gently laid her back on the bed, adjusting the pillow beneath her head. Ashlyn was still confused to what she was talking about. She pushed Ali to the side of the bed, and climbed in beside her, pulling a blanket up over them. She turned Ali on her side so Ashlyn could settle herself behind her, wrapping her arms around Ali’s bare stomach. She closed her eyes listening to nothing but Ali’s heavy breathing and the quiet beep of the heart monitor.  
The hospital room seemed to fizz out of her vision as she was standing on the shore of a beach, hot sand sticking to the soles of her feet. The ocean rumbled in the distance, the waves crashing up and washing over her ankles. She could see a figure in the distance, a young woman running through the shallow depths of the ocean. Ashlyn put a hand over her eyes to shield out the scorching sun as the woman ran toward her, wearing a white sundress. The woman’s long, chestnut hair blew around her as she struggled to not stumble from the ocean waves. The woman looked up to see Ashlyn and smiled as brightly as the sun beating down upon them. Ali. Ashlyn started jogging out to the ocean, feeling the muscles in her legs strain as she waded through the strong current. Ali had her arms outstretched, offering herself to Ashlyn once she arrived. Ashlyn scooped her up and spun them around in the middle of the ocean; Together, they were now stronger than the waves that settled around them. She kissed Ali softly on the lips as she smelled the salt on her skin. “You’ve always been my dream, Alexandra,” Ashlyn said as they kissed until they both fell in the water, not from the waves, but from pure unwillingness to stay in one spot. They wanted to feel the depths of the ocean around them and still come out breathing. Everything that happened in the past was gone. They were here, and this was now. Nothing was going to tear them down.

Ashlyn startled awake as she saw a shadow standing over her. She saw Ken standing above her and Deb lingering in the hallway, both noticeably exhausted. “Do you want to go back to my house and get some sleep and grab a shower? We can come back first thing tomorrow morning?” He asked.  
“What time is it?” Ashlyn asked as she looked down at her watch.  
“Almost six o’clock, you two slept all afternoon,” Deb said as she wrapped her sweater tighter around her shoulders.   
Ashlyn looked over to see that Ali was still sleeping. “I think I’m just going to stay here,” Ashlyn said as she hated the thought of leaving Ali.  
Ken looked back at Deb who smiled. “She’d want you to. Here, I brought you some of Ali’s clothes to change into later if you want. I’m sure you didn’t bring a whole lot of extra clothes,” Deb said as set down a small bag on the table beside the bed.  
“Call us if you need anything at all, we’re not far from the hospital,” Ken said as he bent down to kiss Ali’s forehead and squeezed Ashlyn’s arm.  
Deb kissed the crown of Ashlyn’s head and pecked her daughter on the cheek before heading to the door with Ken. Ashlyn watched them about to exit. “Thank you both. For everything. I think I’ve finally found what I’m looking for,” Ashlyn said.


End file.
